Title: Breakout 1
Author: Cinnamon Scully
Category: SRH DSR Angst, Humor
Rating: NC-17 for language and adult situations
Summary: Sequel to Endings and Beginnings. Takes place ten years
later.
Disclaimer: I do not own the X-files characters, nor do I own anything
that has anything to do with Richard Patrick or Filter, All
information found on Richard Patrick has been documented and is
disclaimed to be the possession of such sites. I also do not own any
rights to Nine Inch Nails or Trent Reznor. All lyrics have been
documented to the album they come from and are as such. All situations
therin are fictional unless documented. Fiction and Reality is
interweaved throughout the story, but the situations therin are
created by the author for entertainment purposes only. Refer to the
website that corrolates with this story to find out the truths and
discern from the fiction. No money has been made off of this story.
Email: richfactwebmistress@yahoo.com
Website:http://muldersprettyladynin.tripod.com/richfactsafiltersite/

10 years later
 
     "John! You're not going to believe this!" Scully called out to
Doggett early on a Saturday morning.

     Doggett came down the stairs, fully dressed in a pair of jeans
and F.B.I. T-shirt. He asked, "What am I not gonna believe?"
 
     "It's from Sam. He said he's going to come for a visit next
week." Scully said.

     Doggett groaned. "If it ends up like the last time he visted
here, with those kids of his tearing up everything in sight, I'll tan
his hide."

     Scully rolled her eyes. "Now John, you found out later that
William had devised that all on his own. He just conned Trent and Beth
into it. He's got Mulder in him, and you know it.  Now, I'm going to
call over there today and see what is going on."

     Doggett kissed her. "Alright. When does William come home from
Tommy's anyways?"

     Scully said, "I told him to come home from that sleepover around
3.  Don't worry."

     Doggett sighed. "I hope that when Sam gets here we won't be
havin' no wild party. I'm too old for a wild party."

     Scully laughed. "You are not.  Besides, Sam's about 43 now. He's
older, but he sure hasn't slowed down a bit."

     "Yeah, tell me about it. I'm beginning to wonder if he'll be 95
when he stops touring. Here, let me see that letter of his." Doggett
took the letter from Scully's hands. He read:

Dear John and Dana,

     We thought we'd come up and visit you soon. I talked to Mike and
Kathy, but they didn't think they could make it up to visit this time
around. Maybe when you guys make the trek to the studio, eh? Oh, and
Jo Jo told me to tell you that we've got a surprise for you. Can't
tell you more, but we'll see you soon.

Love,

Sam and Jo Jo

     Scully smiled. Wonder what they're big surprise is."

     "If it's that woman being pregnant again, I'll have to hurt them.
It's bad enough that they have 3." Doggett laughed.

     "Well, maybe it's something else."

     "It had not be another album or tour. I ain't going on tour with
him, ever again." Doggett smiled.
 
     Scully kissed him. "Now you're just making things up to whine and
complain about. Why don't you let me call them, and we'll go from
there.  Besides, if it's okay for us to have one child of our own,
which I might add you should check on, it's okay for them to have
more."

     Doggett said, "I know, but after havin' to deal with them havin'
those twins, I don't want to be near her when she's pregnant."

     Scully called Sam. She waited for someone to answer, when she
heard Jo Jo's voice on the other side.  She said, "Hey, Jo Jo, we got
your letter."

     Guitar music and screaming could be heard in the back ground. She
said, "WHAT? Let me get upstairs!  Sam is playing really loud!"

     Scully laughed. She smiled at Doggett, who watched her as she
waited for Jo Jo to get to a place where she could hear. She said,
"Now, who is calling?"

     "It's Dana. We got your letter."  Scully said.

     "Oh. If Mister Screaming down stairs would have stopped when I
told him to, we wouldn't have this problem." Jo Jo said. "We're gonna
stop and visit before we head on tour again. Mike's supposed to join
us for that. Sam talked him into it."

     Scully laughed. "I'm sure he had to work really hard on that. So
when you going on tour?"

     "About a month from now. We're hoping to drop off the children
somewhere they can stay for awhile and not have the burden of watching
them while on tour.  It won't be that long of a tour for that reason.
Sam says six months and we're done. He doesn't want to be away from
the kids too long."

     "I don't blame him. Were you hoping to drop them off here?"

     "Oh heaven's no. We have a good friend who watches Randy's
children while we go out on tour. We'll be leaving them with her. It's
better than leaving them with you guys. With William and Trent's
tendencies to get into tons of trouble it'd be a disaster to say the
least.  John would pull his hair out first."  Jo Jo laughed.

     Scully sighed. "John, well John seems to have issues with Trent.  
Especially since he's just as bad as Sam was when he was little. At
least that's what John tells me."

     "Oh, wait, Sam just came upstairs.  He wants to talk to you." Jo
Jo handed the phone off to Sam.

     Scully waited, hearing Sam's voice.  "Hey, how you doing, Dana?"

     "We got your letter. So you're going out on the road again."

     "Yeah. I got bored being holed up in the studio and decided I
ought to hit the road for awhile." Sam said. "Mike will be coming
along, so it'll be fun."

     "I'm sure it will be. So how is Beth and Rich doing?" Scully
asked.

     "Beth is doing great. Rich isn't really a talker yet. Too young."  
Sam said.

     "I bet he is. When should we expect you?" Scully asked.

     "Next week, sometime in the afternoon."  Sam said. "Does John
want to talk to me?"
 
     Scully said, "John, do you want to talk to him?"

     "Nah, you've asked everything I wanted to ask. Just tell him that
I'm excited to see him." Doggett said.

     Scully nodded. "He'll be waiting to see you. Love you, Sam."


     A week later Sam and Jo Jo arrived. Sam turned around in the
rental car, looking at Trent.  He said, "I don't want you to get into
any trouble. You behave yourself, you hear me?"

     Trent looked at his father, the same expression on his face of
rebellion that his father often wore. He nodded yes, looking down
after Sam glared at him, trying to get him to answer.

     "Good. Let's go." Sam got out of the car, helping Beth out first.
He took Beth's hand. He helped Trent out, taking Trent's hand with his
free hand. He smiled at both of them.

     Jo Jo picked up the small baby carrier. She cooed at Rich,
carrying him inside. She said, "Sam, how are we going to tell them the
big news?"

     "What?" Sam asked. "We'll just freaking tell them." Sam had been
reprimanded by Jo Jo for swearing in front of the children a few days
before so she glared for a moment when he said freaking, then nodded
her head in satisfaction.

     Sam let go of Trent's hand for a moment, ringing the door bell.
He waited for someone to answer.  Doggett opened the door. He said,
"Hey, 'bout time you guys got here."

     Sam said, "Well if we didn't have to fuc..freaking wait for the
lugagage check out we'd be here earlier. Not that I'm complaining.
It's that whole baby thing and since we did have those attacks 10
years ago it's to be expected."

     Doggett nodded. He smiled when Sam quickly changed his language.
He shook his head. Doggett let them in. They all walked in, sitting
down on the sofa.

     Scully came out. She hugged first Sam then Jo Jo. She said, "I
missed you guys a lot. So how have things been?"

     "Just fu-freaking amazing." Sam said. "I'm geared up for a tour."

     Scully sighed. "I see she's training you not to swear, Sam."

     "Yeah, sorta."

     "So, what's the surprise?"  Doggett asked.

     "Well, Mike and Kathy are finally expecting. That's why they
couldn't make it up here. She's due this month." Jo Jo said.

     Scully smiled. "Bout time. I'm happy for them. Do they know what
it will be?"

     "A girl. You have no idea how happy Mike is for a girl." Sam
said.

     Doggett laughed. "I'm sure I can imagine that one."

     "I bet you can." Sam said, "I betcha you fu-freaking oh God damn
it if I have to say freaking one more fucking time I'm gonna scream."

     Jo Jo glared at him. She said, "Samuel Doggett, we had this
dicussion already. Either you stop swearing or you'll be sleeping
alone for a week. I'm not going to tell you again."

     Sam rolled his eyes. "Whatever.  The kids know they don't swear.  
I'm not gonna change my language just to accomdate kids. I'll always
forget to say the right fucking thing."

     Scully and Doggett quietly led Beth and Trent to the kitchen,
Scully picking up Rich's baby carrier.  They left the two to fight out
the dispute.

     Jo Jo stood up, glaring at him.  "You're going to or it's the
sofa for you for a month."

     Sam said, "Fuck that. I'm not fucking sleeping on the sofa for a
month. I swear and I'll continue to swear. We both have told the kids
over and over that they don't copy my language."

     "Oh come on, Sam. Trent is just like his daddy. He walks like
you, he looks like you, he has your attitude, he dresses like you in
clothes you buy for him. Why not swear like you too?"

     "What next? My drinking and smoking habits? I do what I fucking
want to do. Don't go making me change myself into someone I'm not just
to keep our kids sheltered from the God damn world." Sam glared at
her, standing up to get the height advantage.

     Jo Jo said, "Just because I'm short does not mean you can try to
intimidate me. I know where to hurt you."

     Sam said, "You know, the sofa is sounding fucking great right
about now. At least there I can say whatever the hell I want!"

     Jo Jo glared at him. She said, stomping away, "FINE! Enjoy it for
the next month." She promptly stomped upstairs.

     Sam stood speechless. He couldn't believe she had left him
standing there and that she was actually going to make him sleep on
the couch. He sat back down, crossing his arms.

     Doggett heard Jo Jo stomp, so he came out. "That didn't go very
well."

     "Really? No fucking way did that go well. She's suddenly trying
to change me and I'm not going to do it." Sam said. He glared up at
Doggett.  "Besides, Trent and Beth know I'll tan their hides if I hear
them swear like me."

     Doggett sighed. "I think Jo Jo is realizing that she can't win
this battle and she's more mad about that than you swearing at all.
You know how she is. If I were you, I'd cool off, let her cool off and
then talk to her. She's going to be pretty upset once that anger wears
off."

     Sam sighed. "I know. I'm still not changing my language."

     Doggett shook his head. "Suit yourself.  I know where you'll be
sleepin' tonight."


     Doggett walked back into the kitchen to let Sam think about that.
Scully asked, "What happened?"

     "Jo Jo's making him sleep on the couch, last thing I heard."  
Doggett said. He sighed.

     Trent and Beth looked at one another, a little nervously. Beth
asked quietly, "Does that mean Mom and Dad don't like each other
anymore?"

     Scully said, "No, no. They just have tempers. They'll get over
it."

     Trent crossed his arms, looking a little upset about the whole
affair.  "I think Beth is right. What if they don't like each other
anymore?"

     Doggett sighed. "Well, it's like this:  Your father has a way of
saying just the wrong thing at the right time that sets your mother
off. I'm sure you knew that. He'll feel guilty about it and apologize.
I've seen it happen before."

     "So Mom and Dad will like each other again?" Trent asked, his
little boy voice a little less sure.

     Scully nodded. "They still do like one another. They're just mad.
Sort of like when you get mad at your sister, you know?  You still
like her, but you're mad at her."

     Trent smiled a little. "Yeah, that does happen sometimes. I just
don't like it when they fight."

     Doggett laughed. "Well, I'm sure you're used to it by now. Those
two are nothin' but fire crackers waitin' to go off sometimes."

     Scully crossed her arms, sitting down next to Trent and Beth.
"Have they been fighting a lot lately?" She was worried that something
might be happening and the children might be picking up on it.

     Beth nodded yes. She said, "They've been fighting over almost
everything lately. I don't like it. I wish Mom and Dad wouldn't fight
so much."

     Doggett sighed. "Oh dear. I better get to talk to those two and
see what the problem is. Don't worry, what ever it is, they'll get
through it."

     Scully hugged one child then the other.  "I'm sorry they've been
fighting so much.  I'm sure they are stressed out because they'll be
on tour soon and they'll be away from you. They don't like that. I
remember when you were three and it was the first tour they had after
you were born. They were constantly fighting that at one point we
wondered if they'd ever get to go on the road. It's because they are
both scared and don't want to admit it to one another, sweeties."

     "But why are they so scared?"

     "That's a very long story, but they are afraid someone might hurt
you, so when they have to leave you behind they get stressed out over
the issue and when they get stressed they fight. It's not that they
don't love each other, they're just hiding from one another." Scully
said, holding each child's hand. She made eye contact with Doggett,
pleading with him to get Sam and Jo Jo to settle the fight.

     Trent said, "Dad never told us about someone who might hurt us."

     "That's because the man who your dad is afraid might hurt you is
locked away. That doesn't mean your parents don't worry. It'll be
alright." Scully kissed their foreheads. "Why don't you and I start
making some cookies? It'd be fun at least."



     Sam stood up, sighing. He knew that his brother was right. He had
messed up and now it was up to him to fix it. He was getting tired of
fighting with Jo Jo and he was sure that she was, too. He stood up,
brushing himself off. He said, "Better go fix it before she really
does make you sleep on the fucking couch."

     He walked up the stairs, going to the guest room that was always
open to them when they visited Doggett and Scully. He tapped softly on
the door, hearing Jo Jo say, "Go away." She sounded like she had been
crying and that made him feel guilty.

     Sam said, "Jo Jo, look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get mad and
say those things. It was wrong of me." He opened the door slowly.

     Jo Jo didn't move and didn't object to him walking into the room.
She was facing away from him, lying curled up on the bed.

     Sam sat down onto the bed behind her. He said, "Jo Jo, I was
angry and I shouldn't have said those mean things. I just didn't like
you trying to tell me what to do and how I should act, that's all. It
didn't seem fair to me, that's all. Look, I'm sorry I got mad and
yelled at you."

     Jo Jo was quietly sobbing, trying desparatly to hide it from him.
She sniffed, "I'm sick of fighting. I don't want to fight with you
anymore."

     Sam curled up behind her. He kissed her ear. "I don't either.
Tell me what's wrong. I'll try to fix it the best I can."

     Jo Jo sighed. She whispered, "You know how I feel when we go on
tour. I worry so much about the kids and I fear what could happen.
It's silly, but it's been putting me out of sorts and with Richie now,
I worry even more."

     Sam sighed. "He can't get us or the children. He's locked away
where he belongs.  It's over. It's been over for a long time now."

     "I know. It's just sometimes I think what if he gets out and what
if something happens?  It just scares me, you know what I mean?"  Jo
Jo said, turning over to face him.

     Sam sighed. He kissed her, trying to ease some of the fear by
reassuring her.  He whispered in her ear, "If something happens, we
have Brian for that very reason. We'll be just fine. Jo Jo, I love you
and I'm sick of fighting. You have to quit hiding from me."

     Jo Jo wrapped her arms around him. She sighed. "I know." She
kissed him back.

     Sam felt her mouth open for him, and he took the invitation. He
ran his fingers through her hair slowly, then down her arms, never
breaking the kiss off. He felt her arms go around his neck. Even
though they fought sometimes, this was his favorite part of fighting.
The making up.

     Jo Jo broke the kiss off. She whispered, "I'm sorry I tried to
change you and I'm sorry I hide from you.  I just don't want the kids
to swear and I'm just a little nervous about this outing on the road."

     Sam smiled. "I know. It'll be alright.  That fucking psycho is
locked away and has been for a very long time. It'll be just fine." He
kissed her.


This is how It begins PUSH IT AWAY BUT IT ALL COMES BACK AGAIN ALL THE
FLESH ALL THE SIN THERE WAS A TIME WHEN IT USED TO MEAN JUST ABOUT
EVERYTHING Just like now Breathe, Echoing the sound Time starts
slowing down Sink until I drown (Please) I don't ever want to make it
stop And it keeps repeating Will you please complete me?  Never be
enough To fill me up (Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor, Please, The
Fragile:  The Right, 1999)

     Mulder sat in his hospital room, doing his daily stretches. He
was thinking about the escape plan he had made and how it would work.
He had pushed everything away, but it kept coming back. He knew he had
to get to Scully and have her complete him.

     He didn't want to stop and he knew the hospital watched him
constantly.  He had within weeks located every single camera in his
room. That didn't mean he couldn't figure out a way around them.

     He knew that Scully would never be enough for him now. He had to
get everyone that was involved. He had to kill them all. He was angry
and all the sin that had been done against him angered him greatly.

     He was patient. Now that he had ten years to hone on his plans,
he had learned patience rather than the sloppy execution of his plans
of the last time.

     He knew that Sam and Jo Jo had children.  With that came the
consequence for them.  Mulder would take one. He would use the flesh
of their own to make them insane like him. He stopped stretching,
smiling at his own thoughts.

     Time had slowed down for Mulder while he was in the mental
hospital. Here he could make his plans with time and leisure. Sure,
they had him go through the motions and he faked his improvements, all
the while planning what he would do and how he would do it.


     Doggett made his way up the stairs, sighing. He walked up to Sam
and Jo Jo's room, tapping on it softly. He didn't hear an answer and
figured that Sam had gone on a walk to clear his head.  He thought Jo
Jo might like someone to talk to about what had happened.

     He opened the door slowly, asking quietly so not to startle Jo
Jo, "Jo Jo? Is it okay if I come in? I just want to make sure you're
okay."

     He recieved no answer, but when he looked into the room he really
wished he hadn't. He blushed, shutting the door quietly. He hadn't
realized that they had already made up and were in that process of
doing so. He had glimpsed them kissing and he didn't want to see it go
any further.

     Doggett made his way into the kitchen.  Scully looked up, flour
on her nose and in her hair. She said, "What happened?  Did Jo Jo not
want to talk?"

     Doggett blushed. "No. Everything will be just fine now. I don't
think we have to worry about Sam sleepin' on the couch anymore."

     "Oh?" Scully asked, looking perplexed, then she nodded her head,
saying, "Ohhhh, I see." She smiled then.

     Trent and Beth exchanged glances. "So Mom and Dad like one
another again?" Trent asked quietly.

     Doggett nodded. "Don't worry. They were just angry and now
they're not. Why don't you start rolling some cookies into balls while
your aunt Dana and I talk for a moment?"

     Trent and Beth nodded, starting to roll the cookies into balls to
place onto the tray. They were still confused and they didn't know
what was going on, they just hoped that their parents were getting
along.

     Scully crossed her arms, tilting her head when she got out into
the dining area. She asked, "What is it?"

     "I think we might have to keep the kids occupied. Sam and Jo Jo,
well, umm you know. . ." Doggett said, blushing furiously now. He
looked embarrassed at what he had seen.

     Scully laughed. "Oh. I know. Don't worry. As soon as William
comes home I'll have him help with the cookies.  Don't you worry about
a thing."

     Doggett said, "Thank you. I'm sure they'll be thankful for it."

     "Well, those two have been under a lot of stress lately. I'm
surprised they didn't fix this before they came. I should have guessed
that was all it was.  I'm sure they've been having a hard time lately
and with the new baby almost one now they probably don't want to be
away for too long."

     Doggett sighed. "Well, let's just say I saw more of Jo Jo then I
ever wanted to see."

     Scully giggled. "Oh? They were that far, were they?"

     "Dana! Don't say things like that."  Doggett said, turing even
more red.


     That evening Sam and Jo Jo came down stairs holding hands. They
were smiling and laughing, as if they were almost in their own world,
Sam telling Jo Jo a story.

     Doggett coughed, getting their attention. He said, "Well, I see
you two made up."

     Sam smiled sheepishly at Doggett.  "Yeah, yeah we did. And I'm
glad we did."

     Trent smiled a little, while Beth ran up her father. She hugged
him, holding onto him tightly. She said, "I'm so glad you and Mom
aren't fighting anymore. I don't like it when you fight."

     Sam picked Beth up. "Well, neither does Mom and Dad. Let's find
out what's for supper."

     Scully laughed. "Well, we're going to eat in a little while."

     Jo Jo smiled, noticing that Trent and William were sitting next
to one another. She knew that those two were close and in the fashion
of children, girls and boys generally did not hang out together. She
sighed.

     Scully cooed at her daughter, who sat in her small bassinet that
could be trasnported. She shook her head.  When they had finally
succeeded in having a child together, Scully was overwhelmed. She
didn't know what she'd so without Sarah now that she had her.

     Doggett said, "I'm curious, if you're going on tour next month,
and Mike's havin' a baby this month, how is he going to come along?"

     "Simple. He's going to be staying with Kathy for a couple of
months then joining up with us. He said something about Kathy having a
hard pregnancy, so he didn't want to leave her behind, or make her
travel after the baby was born right away."

     "Oh? How so?" Scully asked.

     "Well, said she had spotted a few times or something. I'm not a
woman. I don't get it." Sam said.

     "Yeah, she was spotting a few months back and they didn't think
the baby would make it. There's a 50-50 chance that their daughter
will be born still born, but Mike refused to give up. You know this
isn't the first try they've had." Jo Jo said, shaking her head
alittle. She felt sorry for them.

     Scully sighed. "I hope that they'll be okay. I don't think they
should lose a child. That would be very hard on them."

     Doggett sighed. "Well, all we can do is wait and see and hope for
the best. Come on, let's get the table set and dinner finished."


     The phone rang out loudly in the middle of the night. Sam jumped,
running downstairs to answer it before anyone else could get to it. He
picked it up, answering, "Hello?" He was still in a good mood from
that afternoon.

     On the other end he heard no response.  He said, "Hello?"

     Finally Mike's voice came over the line. He sounded like he had
been crying and if he hadn't slept for a few days. He said, "Sam, is
that you?"

     "Yeah. What's wrong?" Sam asked, concerned now.

     "I, I tried calling your place. When I didn't get an answer there
I decided to call here." Mike disregarded his question.

     Sam said, "It's 3 in the morning. What's going on?"

     Mike sounded like he was trying to keep his emotions under wraps.
He said, "Kathy lost the baby tonight. They couldn't save her. I, I
didn't know who else to call."

     Sam sighed. "Mike, we'll be down there as soon as we can. I'm
going to book a flight and we'll get down there to help you. I'm so
sorry. I wish I could do more."

     Mike sounded like he was about to lose it, "Thanks man. I'm sorry
I woke you up.  I didn't know if I should call you or not, thought you
might not want to be disturbed."

     Sam sighed. "Mike, it's okay. You know you can call me at
anytime. Day or night. You know me, half the time I'm not even asleep
at this time."

     Jo Jo stood in the moonlight of the living room. She looked at
Sam with concern in her eyes. She asked quietly, "Is he going to be
okay?"

     Sam nodded his head that he acknolwedged her question. He asked,
"Mike, do you think you'll be okay till we get there? And if you want,
you can scream and yell and do your worst to me. I'll understand."

     Mike suddenly sounded angry. "No. I'm not going to do that to
you. It's not your fault that this happened. It's probably mine."

     Sam sighed. "It wasn't your fault. It happened and it's going to
hurt for a long time. You can't blame yourself for this. Listen, I'm
going to get those flights booked, we'll talk about this when I can do
something more for you. Just promise me you won't do anything stupid
like attempt suicide, okay? I don't want you to do the same thing some
of our good friends have done. We'll try to help as much as possible."

     Jo Jo looked at Sam. She made a motion that she wanted to talk to
him. Sam said, "Look, Jo Jo wants to talk to you." He handed the phone
to her, allowing her to talk.

     She said, "Mike, listen to me."

     Mike remained silent for a moment. He said quietly to let her
know he was still on the line, "Okay."

     Jo Jo said, "I want you to listen to me.  Until we get to New
Orleans, I want you to stay at the hospital and with Kathy.  I want
you to be with someone at all times until we arrive. I don't want you
to be tempted to harm yourself over this. You will get through this
and we'll help you."

     Mike paused before answering. He said, "Okay. I'll do what you
tell me. I,look, I'm sorry I had to call and wake everyone.  I haven't
told Kathy yet. They had to put her under for an emergancy C-Section
and she hasn't woken up yet. I, I should tell her."

     Jo Jo sighed. "Mike, sh. Just get yourself together and tell her
in your own time.  We'll be there as soon as we can. Be patient."


     Mike walked slowly back to where Kathy lay. He watched her sleep,
his face a mask of pain. He took her hand into his, feeling as if he
had let her down some how, hadn't done something right.

     He didn't know how to react to what had happened, and he had
already screamed and yelled, now there was no energy for anything
else. He felt hot, salty tears sting his eyes and bit his lip, trying
to hold them back. He had been looking forward to fatherhood.  Now he
didn't know if he'd ever be a father. It hurt too much to think about.

     He worried what Kathy was going to do when she woke. Would she be
able to cope with this? Was he going to be able to cope with her being
devastated by this? He felt angry inside, more angry than he had ever
felt through out his entire life, but he just couldn't bring himself
to express it, not yet.

     It was quiet in the hospital room, the quiet beeps of the heart
monitor the only sound throughout the room. He looked up, sighing. If
there was only someone to talk to, someone to tell Kathy for him. He
was drowning in the silence.

     He stood up, slowly wiping a hair from Kathy's forehead. He bent
down, kissing her temple, tenderly. He just couldn't blame her. He
knew that deep down this was somehow his fault. It had to be.  Kathy
had never done anything wrong to anyone. He knew he could be a
selfish, cruel, controlling bastard. It hurt him to think what might
happen when she found out.

     He looked down at her face, how pale she was, how much older the
ordeal had made her look. Yet, yet he saw something hadn't expected.
The young girl he had met those some odd ten years ago, shy and
afraid.  Even in her sleep she held the image of the innocent,
something he knew he wasn't, could never be. He had lost that a long
time ago.

     Mike pulled the chair up closer to her bedside, taking her hand
into a firm grip. He couldn't contain the tears any longer, sobbing
quietly now, so he would not wake her. He whispered, "I'm so sorry,
Kat. It's all my fault. You didn't deserve this."

     He heard a voice say, "Mike, stop."

     He looked up, noticing that Kathy was still asleep. He looked
towards the doorway, seeing Jo Jo standing there. He snarled at her,
"Who are you to tell me to stop being upset?"

     Jo Jo said, "Don't think you can intimidate me by snarling at me.
Mike, it's not your fault. God is not punishing you with this.  For a
man who claims to not believe in God, you sure have an anger problem
with the Big Guy upstairs."

     "Why are you talking to me and where is Sam?"  Mike asked.

     "I'm talking to you because Sam didn't think he could just yet.
Mike, it's going to be very hard. You're going to have to be there for
Kathy.  She's going to be devastated by this and since she was the one
who carried your daughter for nine months it's going to be a slap in
the face for her. You've got to pull yourself together, but you can't
bottle it up either. You must grieve as well. Don't hide this from
yourself. . .or others."

     Mike looked down, anger now on his features. He growled, "I'll do
whatever the fuck I want. Fuck off. I'm going to handle this on my
own."

     Jo Jo didn't budge, rather she stepped forward.  "Get up, Mike.
You're not scaring me."

     Mike stood up, actually in a position to use height over someone.
He glared down at her, a malcious smile on his face and a desparate
look in his eyes. "What are you going to do to me?"

     "This." She slapped him, trying to get him to respond. "I know
it's tough. I know you're hurting, but you can't let it take you down.  
You have to be able to get through this and you can't leave Kathy to
deal with it on her own."

     Mike held his hand up to his cheek. He finally heard what Jo Jo
was saying. He said, "I, I don't know how."

     "That's why we're here. We're all here for you and what ever you
need, we'll try to help you as much as we can."


     Sam paced in the waiting room, his hands behind his back. He
looked over at Doggett, unsure of what to do. He said, "I hope Jo Jo
knows what she's doing. He gets mad enough who knows what he might do
to her."

     Doggett sighed. "Jo Jo's tough. If anything, I'd worry what
she'll do to him."

     Sam sighed. He sat down, looking down. "I just worry a lot. He's
already so dark. I do not want to go to a funeral for my friend
because of suicide. I did that in '94. He was both our buddy."

     Scully sighed. "Mike is not going to get that drastic. We'll help
him and try to keep him from going to far. Besides, who knows what Jo
Jo has done with him? She has had experience with people who need a
good talk to."

     Sam sighed. "It's just so hard for Mike and Kathy right now. To
lose a child like that, I just wonder what will happen to them."

     Mike and Jo Jo walked out. She said, "Well, it's going to hurt
for awhile, but they'll pull through." She was gripping Mike's hand,
giving him reassurance.

     Sam stood up when he saw Mike. He hugged him, hoping that it
would help in some way. He said, "I'm sorry, man. I wish I could
something for you."

     Mike looked very tired and a little old. He sighed. "I wish I
didn't have to tell Kat.  It'll crush her, but I know I have to tell
her. It's my responsibility."

     Sam took his hand, squeezing it. He let it go. "We'll be there
for you man. It'll be alright."

     Mike sat down. He yawned. "I've been going all day now and I
don't know if I'll be awake when Kat wakes up. I have to tell her
before some nurse or doctor does. They'll only upset her and they
won't provide the comfort she'll need."

     Sam said, "I could ask that you have a cot placed into her room.
You can sleep there."

     Mike smiled shyly and for the briefest moment.  "Thank you, Sam.
You've done a lot for me."

     "I know you'd do the same. Come on, man, you need sleep." Sam
said.

     Jo Jo sighed. She gave Mike a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "You
just get a hold of me if you need someone to talk to, alright? I
wouldn't want you to feel alone."

     Mike nodded. "I will."


Watch the white Turn to red It fills up the hole but it grows
somewhere else instead All my life Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, But it just
left me dead (Well guess what?)  The world is over and I realize it
was all in my head Now everything is clear I erase the fear I can
disappear (Please) I don't ever want to make it stop You can never
leave me Will you please complete me Never be enough To fill me up
(Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor, Please, The Fragile: The Right, 1999)

     Mulder got up in his cell, sitting back down onto his bed.  He
thought of the things he would like to do to revenge ten years ago and
how he would do that. He would turn their flesh red. He would make
them dead.

     He realized the world he had believed in hadn't really existed.
The world that he had shared with Scully so long ago was never real
and had never been real. It was a game and she had played him.

     He saw everything clearly now, how she had fooled him. He didn't
want to make it stop, this plan to revenge his tortured soul. She had
left him and now he needed her to complete him.

     It would never be enough to fill him up, but he would sure try to
make her fill a void he had been missing for ten years.  He would make
sure that if they tried to destory him, he would simply be like a hole
in something, where it came back somewhere else. He would destroy them
first.


     Kathy woke up, looking around.  She was trying to figure out
where she was when it suddenly hit her. She was in the hospital and
they had to save her baby. She looked over, noticing that Mike was
sleeping, on his stomach. He looked tired and older.

     Kathy whispered, "Mike?"

     Mike jumped, as if he had been barely asleep. He said, "Kathy?
You're awake."

     Kathy nodded. She looked at him, trying to figure out what was
happening.  She asked quietly, "What about the baby?"

     Mike looked at her, then down. He bit his lip, taking a deep
breath. He stood up, walking towards the bedside. There he kneeled
down. He whispered, "They couldn't save her. I, I'm so sorry Kat. They
said they tried everything."

     Kathy felt tears come to her eyes. She looked into his green
already pooling with new unshed tears and started to sob. It broke her
heart at what had happened and she felt suddenly as if she had let
Mike down. She whispered through her tears, "I'm so sorry, Mike. I, I
should have done something so it wouldn't be this way."

     Mike looked at her, his eyes looking into hers deeply. He found
that she blamed herself and it made him angry inside. He stood up,
turning around. He couldn't lash out at her; he wouldn't lash out at
her. He said, "I don't want you to blame yourself for this. If you
want to blame anyone, blame me."

     Kathy felt her heart break as she heard what Mike asked her to
do. She said, "No. I won't do it. It's not your fault that this
happened."

     Mike turned around, his emotions crumbling.  He looked angry
first, then his face softened.  "I, I don't know what to say, Kat. I'm
being punished some how. I, I'm not sure what to do."

     "You're not being punished. It's okay, Mike.  Please, come here."
She bit her lip, trying to remain calm enough.

     He stepped towards the bed, feeling her grip his hand. "I, I wish
I could change it all back; make it all right somehow."

     "I know." She sighed.

     He crumbled completely. He sunk to his knees, placing his head
onto her bed side, next to her. He sobbed uncontrollably now. She
stroked his hair, trying to soothe him and soothe herself. She
couldn't understand why this had happened, but she somehow knew there
was one behind it.


     Sam sat in the waiting room, asleep in a chair. He had Beth
asleep in his lap, her arms thrown aroud his middle. He had his mouth
hanging open and an arm around her.

     Doggett sighed. He said, "This is goin' to be a tough thing for
not just Mike and Kathy to get over, but for Sam and Jo Jo too.
They're all so close."

     Scully sat down next to him. "Well, I know exactly how Kathy
feels. I'm sure you know how Mike is feeling right about now. It's
never going to go away for them."

     Doggett rubbed his forehead. He sighed.  "Dana, what happened
tonight shouldn't happen to anyone. It's hard and for those two, I
fear it might rip them apart."

     Scully sighed. She asked, "What makes you think that?"

     "Simply because Mike grieves alone. He doesn't like to deal with
his emotions in front of other people. He may just end up pushin'
Kathy away from himself. I'm afraid he might get so upset and not want
to hurt her that he'll make her go away to keep her safe." Doggett
said, looking over at Jo Jo, who had her head on Sam's shoulder now.

     Scully followed Doggett's field of vision.  Trent lay sprawled on
his mother's lap, head resting comfortably. He had crashed much like
his sister had. Richie was asleep in his baby carrier. She said,
"John, I don't think we'll have to worry all that much. Mike loves
Kathy too much for that to ever happen. He'll be upset yes, but those
two are so close that I wouldn't worry."

     Doggett sighed. "Let's hope you're right."

     Scully gripped his hand. "I know that your first wife left you
because of what happened to Luke. I know you don't want another woman
to do something like that Mike. I don't think you have to worry. Much
like we need one another, they need each other."

     Doggett smiled. "Well, at least Sam finally got some sleep."

     Scully shook her head. "I must admit the whole family is cute."


     A little while later, Mike stood up, noticing that she had fallen
asleep. He wiped his nose on his sleeve, not wanting to bother with
finding a tissue. He sighed, kissing her on her forehead. He
whispered, "I'll be back."

    Mike walked past the waiting room, leaving everyone there. He
needed to be alone right now. He walked out to the hospital's parking
lot, stepping up to his car he had driven Kathy to the hospital in
nearly a day and a half ago. He opened it up, sitting down inside.

    Once the door was shut, he finally felt he could let it all go,
all of the rage, saddness, and utter loss he had experience.  He
screamed, feeling it release a lot of the tension that had built up
inside of him.

    He shouted, "WHY! She's never done anything to you!" He hit his
hands onto the steering wheel. He couldn't believe what had happened.

    He turned on the car, not intending to drive anywhere, but have
music to perhaps hide himself from anyone who might try to impede on
his time to let his emotions out.

    He threw his hands up to his face, sobbing into them, knowing he
had somehow done something to deserve this. He just didn't think that
Kathy deserved it with him.  Mike closed his eyes, taking a deep
breath, trying to contain his emotions before he didn't something
drastic and would only destroy him and those he cared about.

    To go back into time, to take back all of this hurt would have
been a grand thing.  He screamed out, "Why did you have to do this to
her! If you wanted to punish me, you should have done something else
to me! Ruin my career, take away my music, do anything but this! You
bastard!"

    It dawned on him then. Jo Jo was right.  He was angry at God and
it was God he believed was punishing him. He didn't know if he should
be angry or if he should be sad. He didn't know how to react.

    Mike felt like smashing something. He picked up a coffee cup left
in the car sometime ago, smashing it into the dashboard. He screamed,
"That's right! I figured your fucking game out! You meant to give me
this chance to rip it away from me."

    He knew that if he wasn't careful he'd cross over from being sane
into insanity, but then he thought of Kathy. He still had Kathy. Kathy
still needed him, though he believed she could do with out him. He
sighed, sobbing quietly now. So many emotions had played out in him
that he felt all of his energy flood out of him in a gush. He was
drained and he couldn't do anything but sit.


     Sam awoke to a small girl voice calling out, "Daddy! Wake up!"

     He opened an eye, looking into Beth's face. He asked, "Why do I
have to wake up?"

     "Because I have to go potty and I don't know where that is." Beth
said, tugging on his shirt sleeve.

     Sam groaned. "You couldn't ask your mother to help you to the
bathroom?"

     Beth shook her head emphatically. Her blond hair fell into her
face. She said, "No, Daddy."

     Sam sighed. He picked her up. "Alright, Daddy will help you to
the bathroom.  Let's go and get this done."

     He carried her to the nurses desk.  "Can you tell me where the
bathroom is? She has to go."

     The nurse gave him directions. He took her there, past Kathy's
room. He said, "You're a big girl. You go on in and Daddy will wait
right here for you."

     Beth nodded. She opened the door, disappearing inside. Sam smiled
at her, before he frowned. He was thinking about what had happened to
Mike and Kathy. It suddenly made him very grateful for Beth, yet
selfish for being able to have her.

     He walked slowly towards Kathy's room, looking inside. He noticed
that Mike was no longer there. He whispered, "Where the fuck did he
go?"

     Kathy was asleep. She looked worn out and sad. He sighed. It made
him feel all the more guilty. He watched her for awhile, sighing. He
crossed his arms, wondering where Mike had gone.

     He felt a tug on his pants, forcing him to look down. Beth asked,
"Are they going to be alright?"

     Sam shook his head no silently. He wasn't going to lie to his
daughter.  He said, "They were going to have a baby girl and she died.
It really hurts now for them."

     "Oh. Why?" Beth asked, looking much like her mother when
confused.

     Sam bent down, picking her up. He said, "Because, because, I
guess they weren't supposed to have a baby girl."

     "But why? Did they do something wrong?"  Beth asked, trying to
understand why this was happening.

     Sam said, "No. They didn't do anything wrong. No one really knows
why some people have a hard time having a baby and why others have no
problems. Your aunt Dana and uncle John have had some similar
problems. It just happens."

     Beth sighed. "I feel sorry for them.  Is Uncle Mike going to be
okay?"

     "God I hope so."

     When they got back to the waiting room, Sam knelt down infront of
Beth. He said, "Beth, I'm going to go see if your uncle Mike is going
to be alright.  You stay here with your mother and go back to sleep.
Will you do that for Daddy?"

     Beth nodded, yawning. She climbed into the chair that Sam had
been sleeping in, curling up into a little ball. Sam bent down kissing
her forehead. "I'll be back."

     Sam walked out into the parking lot, looking for Mike's car. He
squinted, still adjusting to the dark from being inside the hospital.
He wandered for a little bit, until he found a car that was running,
the radio playing. He looked in, noticing that Mike sat, staring off
into space.

     He tapped the glass. "Mike, do you want to talk?"

     Mike looked out the window, glaring at him, but had no energy to
fight. He pushed the powerlocks, letting Sam get into the passenger
seat. Sam sat down next to him, asking quietly, "How you holding up,
man?"

     "I've had better days." He looked out the window.

     Sam put his hand onto Mike's shoulder.  He said, "I'm here for
you, if you need anything at all. Mike, look, I'm sorry. I'm going to
try to do whatever I can."

     Mike turned, his green eyes sad and red from crying. He said,
"There is nothing you or anyone can do." He was very quiet.

     Sam looked down. He sighed. "I wish there was something I could
do."

     Mike sighed. "Look, it's my fault that it happened; somehow it
has to be my fault. Kathy sure doesn't deserve something like this to
happen to her.  Somehow I did something to piss the wrong person off
and now they're punishing me for it with the worst thing they could
do."

     Sam said, "It's not your fucking fault.  If it were, ten years
ago with that fucking psycho would be my fault."

     Mike looked down. "I don't know what to think. I was so excited
when Kathy told me we'd be having a girl. For the first time in my
life I was extremely happy. I should have guessed it'd fuck up
sometime."

     Sam sighed. "Mike, it happened. If you keep blaming yourself over
this, you could hurt Kathy all that more. She doesn't like to see you
hurt and you'll be hurting if you keep being angry at yourself."

     Mike looked up, his green eyes intense with guilt and fear. He
looked out the window then. "Does this mean that I might lose Kathy
too?"

     Sam was silent, unsure how he should respond.  He said, "No.
Kathy loves you too much.  You just have to talk to someone; you have
to talk to her."


Slave screams He thinks he knows what he wants Slave screams Thinks he
has something to say Slave screams He hears but he doesn't want to
listen Slave screams He's being beaten into submission Don't open your
eyes you won't like what you see The Devils of truth steal the souls
of the free Don't open your eyes take it from me I have found you can
find Happiness in slavery Slave screams He spends his life learning
conformity Slave screams He claims he has his own identity (Nine Inch
Nails, Trent Reznor, Happiness In Slavery, Broken, 1992)

     Mulder found himself in his group session. He and another man
really detested one another, Mulder being the cause for the other
man's hospitalization.  The man crowed, "So Spooky, what do you think
you'll be doing today?"

     Mulder shrugged it off. He was patient and this man did not anger
him. Not yet.  He smiled back, only briefly. He was a caged animal and
he was finding his happiness in the slavery he was now bound.

     The man cat called again, "Spooky Mulder who lost his sister to
the little green men and couldn't get it on with his partner.  Awwww
poor Spooky."

     Mulder again shurgged it off. He knew that the man was trying to
trick him. He knew that he did not want to be drugged. He continued to
walk to the gym where he was allowed to work out.

     The man suddenly attacked him, throwing himself onto his back.
"So, you think you're special, do you? Don't open your eyes, Spooky.
You're insane now. You're never going back outside now."

     Mulder turned around, now angry. He threw the man down onto the
ground, screaming, "You don't know anything! It's your fault too!" He
started to beat the man, trying to destroy the insults thrown at him.

     Mulder was pulled off the man, screaming incoherently. He
thrashed until a sedative was injected, causing him to go limp. The
doctor sighed. "He's never going to get better. I've tried everything.
All he's done is get more polite."

     Another doctor sighed. "It's his slavery here.  It's every
psychologist's worst nightmare. To be enslaved here."


     Mike and Sam walked back into the hospital. Sam sighed. "I'm not
going to wake Beth up. John and Dana must have taken William somewhere
to sleep." There was a note on the table, in Doggett's sloppy scrawl.

Sam,

     Dana and I checked all of us into a hotel. I'll be back to pick
up the kids and Jo Jo sometime soon. If you want to stay with Mike for
a bit, go right head.  I just thought we should get the kids some
sleep in a bed.

Love, John

     Sam sighed. "At least someone is trying to get something for the
kids."  He stroked Beth's hair, the fine child hair easily split by
his fingers.

     Mike bit his lip, turning around. It hurt too much to know he
wasn't going to be able to do that to a little girl of his very own.
He didn't want Sam to feel guilty, although he knew that Sam was
already feeling that way.

     Sam put his hand onto Mike's shoulder.  "It's okay. You don't
have to hide from me. I don't want you to hide from me. In fact, I
insist that if you don't want to talk to me, you talk to someone.
Mike, I don't want you to face this alone. You face so many things
alone and this is not one you can do that with."

     Mike turned around. He looked down, then looked into Sam's dark
greenish golden brown eyes. He nodded. Mike whispered, "I just don't
know what to do."

     "No one knows what to do when something like this happens. You
just have to let your emotions feel for you and let them out as you
get them. You can't bottle them up, thinking you'll protect someone.  
Come on, sit down and rest for a bit."

     Mike didn't fight him on the issue. He slumped into a chair,
promptly falling asleep. Sam sighed. He knew it would take a long time
for Mike and Kathy to recover from this blow.

     He heard his brother whisper, "He holdin' up alright?"

     Sam shook his head. "Well, I'm not nearly as worried about him as
I was, but he's got to have someone to talk to. Come on, let's get the
kids and Jo Jo to a bed. They'll need tons of sleep." He picked up
Beth gently, heaving her onto his shoulder.  Her arms hung limply over
his shoulder, her head on top of an arm.

     Doggett slowly lifted Trent, causing him to grumble a little in
his sleep. He threw his arms around Doggett's throat, his head landing
on his shoulder. Doggett sighed.  "Well, as soon as we get these guys
to sleep in a bed, the better things will be.  I'm not going to leave
Mike and Jo Jo here though."

     Sam sighed. "I'll stay here with Mike.  You get these guys to
bed."

     Sam tapped Jo Jo with his foot, causing her to stir. She asked,
"Are Mike and Kathy okay?" She didn't grumble or snap.

     Sam shook his head. "We're getting you to a hotel with the kids.
Here, take Beth and I'll stay here with Mike." He handed Beth over to
Jo Jo very carefully. Beth made a quiet noise in her throat, but
didn't wake.

     Sam kissed Jo Jo and then Beth's temple.  He said, "You guys get
some sleep. I'll try to get to the hotel a little while later."

     Jo Jo sighed. "I'm glad we could leave Richie there for now."

     Doggett said, "Well, I'm gonna go get 'im so we don't have to
worry. You get the kids buckled in and I'll pick him up." He walked
back to the waiting room, picking Richie's car seat.

     When he got back to the car, Jo Jo strapped the car seat in,
getting into the passenger seat. She sighed when she sat down. She
whispered so not to wake the children, "I sure hope that this doesn't
set the mood of the whole tour."

     Doggett nodded. "Me too." He drove them to the hospital the rest
of the way in complete silence, as Jo Jo contemplated what had
happened and wondered how else she could help.

     Doggett wondered if Sam was going to have to post-pone the start
of the tour, or start it without Mike. He shook his head. His brother
would figure it out.

     They started the moving of children when they got to the hotel.
Doggett got Trent out of the car first, allowing Jo Jo to pick up Beth
and carry Richie inside. He had parked the car not far from the door
that went into their rooms.

     Scully greeted them. She said, "Put those two on the bed with
William. No sense in putting them all in separate beds."

     Jo Jo put Richie down, making her way to the bed, gently sliding
Beth down onto it. She smoothed a hair away from Beth's forehead,
kissing it. She smoothed Trent's hair away from his face, noticing how
he looked exactly Sam when he was asleep.  She kissed his forehead,
causing him to make a whining sound for a moment.  She sighed.

     Scully said, "It's just so sad that poor Mike and Kathy couldn't
be able to have this little girl. I wonder if they'll try again."

     Jo Jo sighed. "I don't know. All I know is we need sleep and we
need it now. Who is sleeping in this room with the children?"

     "We can. You and Sam have done more travelling than we have."
Scully said.

     "Thank you so much. Tell Sam to be quiet when he gets here. I
just hope that Mike doesn't do something drastic out of this."

     "Me too. Get some sleep, Jo Jo. We'll see you in the morning."


     Sam yawned. He got up, walking towards the nursing station. He
said, "Will you please get him to a bed and keep an eye on him? Here's
my cell number and if he needs to call just let him know."

     The nurse nodded. "Will do, sir."

     Sam nodded. He walked back towards Mike, gently tapping him on
the shoulder. He said, "Mike, they're gonna get you to a bed, man. Why
don't you follow me."

     Mike didn't protest or fight, he got up almost as if he were a
zombie. He followed Sam back to where Kathy lay, almost mechanically
climbing into the cot that he had vacated earlier in such urgence.

     Sam gave Mike's hand a squeeze, then proceeded to walk out of the
room, shutting the door.  Doggett stood waiting for him. Doggett said,
"Let's get goin'. He'll call if he needs anythin'."

     Sam nodded. He sighed. "Wish I could do more, that's all."

     Doggett nodded. He put a hand onto Sam's shoulder. "It's tough. I
think they're strong enough to pull through. Just give 'em time.

     They walked out to the car. Sam sat down in the passenger seat,
drained. He asked quietly, "Jo Jo get to bed alright?"

     Doggett nodded. "Yes. She said to tell you that you have to be
quiet when you go to bed."

     "Okay. I'll try to. I'm not gonna guarentee that I'll pull it
off, though." Sam said, rubbing an eye. He yawned. "I'm so beat."

     "We all are." Doggett said. He pulled up to the hotel parking
lot, parking the car.  He sighed. "Well, I hope that your tour goes a
lot better than this."

     "No fucking kidding. I pray that nothing goes wrong on that." Sam
sighed. He took a cigarette out, lighting it. "I'm gonna have a smoke
then go to bed."

     Doggett nodded. "Alright. Heres the keys to get into the building
and your room is 134."

     Sam stood, thinking as he smoked. He exhaled some smoke,
wondering what was going to happen next and what the tour was going to
be like. He dropped his cigarette, half smoked and put it out.  He
walked into the hotel, finding his room.

     He opened the door walking in quietly.  Sam shut the door,
checking to see if it had locked. He undressed himself on the way to
the bed, feeling his aching bones creak a little. He pulled the covers
back, climbing into the bed.

     Jo Jo whispered, "Is everything going to be alright?"

     Sam sighed. "Mike's going to be fine.  He'll sleep it off and
need help, but right now he's too tired to do anything but sleep."

     Jo Jo nodded. She kissed Sam. "Well, we ought to get some sleep."


     Mike woke the next morning, remembering yesterday's events. He
felt his heart break all over again, but lacked the energy to get
angry or even cry. He lay in the quietness of the dawn, thinking about
what had gone wrong. For a few short months everything had seemed
right and now it was turned upside down.

     Mike sat up, looking over at Kathy. He got up slowly, so not to
disturb her. Mike looked down at her, seeing how frail she really was.
She was always so much stronger than him, but now she looked so
fragile, so vulnearable.

     He smoothed a dark chestnut strand of hair from her face, a tinge
of grey touching her temple. Only a little. He smiled a little.  He
may not be able to hold a little girl, but in this quiet moment before
the dawn, he was reminded of how grateful he was for Kathy.

     Mike bent down, kissing her forehead gently, the sereneness of
the moment refreshing and a release from last nights rage and grief.  
He knew that he had a lot of grieving yet to do, that Kathy did as
well, but for that particular moment, everything seemed as if it was
going to be alright. <Somehow the dawn does that when the night seems
to terrible.> Mike thought. <Perhaps we'll make it after all.>

     He took her hand into his slowly and gently, not wanting to cause
her to wake. He kissed her hand, setting it back down. Mike made his
way out to the nurse's station. He asked for some coffee, then
returned to Kathy lest she wake alone.

     He took out his cell phone, dialing Sam's number. He wanted to
thank him before he forgot and to assure him that perhaps he would
pull through. He heard a groggy voice ask, "Hello?"

     Mike said, "Sam, it's me. I just thought I'd call and say I
survived. I'm going to be alright, I think. I'm staying with Kathy all
morning and probably most of the afternoon. Oh, and Sam, thank Jo Jo
for me."

     Sam sighed. "I will. What the fuck time is it?"

     "It's 7:30."

     "Too fucking early." Sam said, yawning.

     "I'll let you sleep. Talk to you soon, Sam." Mike ended the
conversation. He wondered if he could stay up and wait for Kathy to
wake or not. He sighed, falling back asleep before his coffee could
arrive.


Slave screams He's going to cause the system to fall Slave screams But
he's glad to be chained to that wall Don't open your eyes You won't
like what you see The blind have been blessed with security Don't open
your eyes take it from me I have found you can find happiness in
slavery I don't know what I am I don't know where I've been Human junk
just words and so much skin Stick my hands thru the cage of this
endless routine Just some flesh caught up in this big broken machine
(Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor, Happiness In Slavery, Broken, 1992)

     Mulder found himself strapped against the wall in his room. He
strugged, trying to figure a way out of the perdicament he was now in.
He jerked, screaming.

     The doctors looked into this room. They shook their heads. Mulder
saw them look at him and he screamed louder, as if he could bring the
downfall of the institution he was now trapped in.

     He was blind to what was happening to him and he didn't see how
he had changed. He didn't know who he was or where he had been,
everything in a red fog of rage.

     Mulder felt like he was nothing but human junk with nothing to
offer but to be caught in the big, broken machine that he had fallen
into. He screamed again, trying to dispell everything happening to
him.

     He screamed, trying to get anyone to hear him, to get anyone to
care. He writhed, then subsided, to simply glare out of his door.  He
was still now, trying to trick the doctors to let him down from where
he was strapped.

     They didn't listen to him, moving away from the room, leaving
Mulder to find his own happiness in his slavery that he had put
himself in. He screamed again, jerking against the bounds holding him
against the wall.


     Jo Jo yawned next to Sam. She asked, "Was that Mike?"

     Sam nodded. He laid back down, then rolled over onto his side,
wrapping his arms around her. He kissed her ear. "Don't worry. He'll
be alright. Let's get some sleep."

     Jo Jo smiled. She said, "I like that idea."  She rolled over,
facing him, curling up to his chest. Besides, it's warm here with
you."

     Sam laughed. "You've been saying that for ten years now."

     Jo Jo kissed him. "I know, but it's true."  She put her head down
onto his chest, snuggling with him. She sighed, "I just hope that
everything will start to smooth over soon. Poor Brian at home must be
wondering where we are right about now."

     Sam sighed. "Bri should know. He and Mike have been close for
awhile now." He picked up the hotel phone, dialing to the studio. He
waited for Brian to pick up.

     Brian answered. "Sam Doggett Residence."

     Sam laughed. "It's me, Bri. I just thought I'd call you."

     "How is your brother?" Brian asked.

     "Fine, he's fine. That's not why I called. We're in New Orleans
right now. Kathy lost the baby and we're helping Mike out. He called
late last night." Sam said, his voice becoming solemn.

     Brian said, "I'm sorry to hear that. Are they doing alright
enough under the circumstances?"

     Sam yawned. "Yeah. Mike just called. He had a rough night, but he
called to let me know that he'll be alright soon. It's going to take
some time, but I can imagine that he'll manage to pull through."

     Brian coughed. "Alright. Thanks for calling and telling me. I
know I should be travelling with you, but the case load right now has
been a little much. I'm trying to get as much paper work done before
we go on tour."

     "I know, man. Don't worry. I'm getting sleepy, so I should
probably let you go. It's been a rough night." Sam said, yawning
again.

     Brian said, "Talk to you soon, Sam. Tell Mike that I'm sorry and
I wish I could help out."

     "I will." Sam hung up the phone, snuggling up to Jo Jo. He put
his forehead on hers, kissing her. She murmured something, having
already fallen asleep. He chuckled low in his throat.  "Oh Jo Jo,
you're so cute when you're tired."



     Kathy woke up, looking over at Mike as he slept. She sighed,
feeling a void fill her heart. She knew that Mike had to feel let down
by the loss of his daughter. She felt as if it were her fault that it
had failed and that she didn't deserve him.

     She got up, walking to the cot on which he lay, on arm hanging
off, the other flung across his chest. He was snoring lightly, his
mouth hanging open only a little. Kathy kneeled next to him, taking
his hand into hers.

     As she looked at him, knowing how much it hurt in her heart to
have lost the baby, she started to sob, unable to keep her tears back
any longer. She sobbed, "Oh Mike, I'm so sorry."

     Mike stirred, looking down at her. He whispered, "Kat, don't do
this to yourself. It's going to be alright. We've still got each
other. Nothing can change that." He put a hand onto her cheek.

     Kathy closed her eyes, trying to reign in her emotions. She bit
her lip, getting up. She turned around, facing away from him. "Mike,
what if we can never have a child of our own?"

     Mike wrapped his arms around her. "Well, I don't know. I'm not
sure they would let me adopt, even though I have a wife. My life style
might be too wild for the adoption agency. Kat, I've always wanted a
family, but I want you to be here with me. If it happens it happens.
I'm not going to force it."

     "So we're not going to try anymore for any babies?"  Kathy said,
turning around to look at him.

     Mike sighed. "Of course we'll try. Maybe not now, it's too fresh
after the loss, but yeah, we'll try to have a baby."

     Kathy hugged him, sobbing into his chest. "I was so happy that I
was going to know what it was like to be a mother. Now I may never
know."

     Mike caressed her hair, kissing lightly. He whispered, "Kat,
it'll be okay. Sh. You'll get to know someday. I promise."

She shines In a world full of ugliness She matters When everything is
meaningless Fragile She doesn't see her beauty She tries to get away
Sometimes It's just that nothing seems worth saving I can't watch her
slip away I won't let you fall apart She reads minds of all the people
as they pass her by Hoping someone can see If I could fix myself I'd-
But it's too late for me I won't let you fall apart We'll find the
perfect place where we can run and hide I'll build a wall and we can
keep them on the other side ...but they keep waiting ...and picking...  
It's something I have to do I was there, too Before everything else I
was like you (Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor, The Fragile, The Fragile,
1999)

     After Mike had convinced Kathy to go back to bed, he watched her
quietly. He realized how much she really meant to him now that this
had happened. She was all that mattered when everything else was
meaningless.

     He thought of how fragile she was, how sometimes she didn't see
her own beauty. He remembered how she had been trying to get away when
he first met her. He realized that sometimes things were not worth
saving and he realized that he couldn't have let her slip away from
the beginning.

     He wasn't about to let her fall apart now. She meant too much to
him now. He stroked a hair away from her forehead. He swore that she
could read his mind sometimes, always knowing how he felt.  He wished
he could fix himself, but he knew it was too late for him now.

     Mike wished he could take her to a place where they could hide
away forever. He'd be able to love her there, protect her. Mike knew
that it could never happen. The world was already encroaching upon
their small world anyways.

     He had to do something, but he didn't know what it was yet. He
remembered being like Kathy so long ago. Kathy was everything and he
knew that she would always be everything.


     Sam felt someone jump onto his stomach. He grunted. "Fuck. What
is going on here?" He opened an eye to find that Beth had jumped onto
him.

     She squealed, "Daddy, wake up!"

     Sam sighed. "Daddy is tired. He needs to sleep.  Daddy was up
late last night helping your uncle Mike."

     Beth stuck her botttom lip out in a pout. "But I want to be with
you, Daddy."

     "You can sleep here if you want, I guess. You know the rules, you
can't do this all the time." Sam said, opening his arms to let her get
comfy.

     Beth smiled. "I know that, Daddy." She curled up onto his chest.
"Is Mommy gonna get mad at me?"

     "No, not at all. Not unless you try to do this a lot, Beth." Sam
said, stroking her hair. He yawned.  "Daddy needs to sleep."

     Beth curled up, falling asleep quickly. She had her arms wrapped
around his shoulders, her head on his chest over his heart. Sam shook
his head, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

     Jo Jo woke next to him, smiling. She whispered, "I see she got
dibs on you."

     Sam laughed quietly so not to wake her. "Yeah.  She's a Daddy's
Girl. Nothing else to it."

     Jo Jo sighed. "She knows you'll be away from her for awhile and
she hates that. I'm surprised Trent didn't follow, unless he was too
tired."

     Sam sighed. "Well, Trent has always acted like me more so, but
he's always liked you more. He says it's cause your Mom and Mom can do
anything."

     "I can't do everything. If I could, I would have made sure that
Mike and Kathy weren't going through what they are now." Jo Jo said,
sighing.

     "I know." He yawned. "Let's get some sleep. It's been a very long
hard night and we all need rest."

     Jo Jo curled up next to him, putting her head onto his shoulder.
She sighed. "Hopefully everything will work out in the end."

     "We can always hope so." Sam said.


     That afternoon Sam and Jo Jo visited Mike and Kathy. Mike stood
up from his seat where he had been watching Kathy sleep to hug Sam.  
He said, "You two don't have to stay all that long. I thought you
might like to go shopping while you're here in the Big Easy."

     Jo Jo hugged Mike. "Only if it is alright with you and Kathy.
We're here to support you. I wouldn't want to be enjoying myself
knowning that my friends were hurting so greatly."

     Mike smiled a little. "Just like you to say that, Jo Jo. No, I
think Kat and I need to talk. We need some time alone and I know
you're here for us, but we need privacy."

     Sam nodded. "Good game plan. Yeah, we'll go shopping.  If you're
not careful Jo Jo will be buying everything for you two."

     Mike shook his head. "No, don't let her do that."

     Jo Jo crossed her arms, looking down right insulted.  "And why
not?"

     Mike laughed quietly to not wake Kathy. "Jo Jo, don't be so
offended. That look on your face isn't making you look very good
either."

     Sam sighed. "Alright. I know just the place to bring Jo Jo to.
She'll be happy."

     Jo Jo said, "Oh, you do, do you?"

     "Of course I do. Barnes and Nobles. I know how you are about
books." Sam said, smiling at her shocked face.

     Jo Jo smiled wide at him, hugging him. "You're so nice to take me
there."

     Mike laughed a little. "You're so moody sometimes, did you know
that? One moment offended the next as happy as can be."

     "Oh like you should talk, Mr. Moods." Jo Jo said, teasing
playfully.

     Mike shook his head. "How do you put up with her all the time?"

     "I don't know, I don't know. Secretly I tune out everything she
says." Sam said, hugging her.

     "SAM!"


As black as the night can get Everything is safer now There's always a
way to forget Once you learn to find a way how In the blur of serenity
Where did everything get lost The flowers of naivete Buried in a layer
of frost The smell of sunshine I remember sometimes (Nine Inch Nails,
Trent Reznor, I'm Looking Forward to Joining You, Finally, The
Fragile: The Right, 1999)

     Mulder finally had expended all of his energy. He hung limply
against the wall now, thinking. He knew that there was a way to get
out of this perdicament. He had tried in the past, placing him on high
security.

     He felt serene now, wondering where everything he had had gotten
lost. He could remember the smell of the sunshine and how the outside
world felt to him. He wanted that back; he wanted to join them again,
those who he had wished revenge upon so long.

     Mulder knew that they would never accept him back.  He knew he
was too far gone. But he could remember sometimes how it had been. He
could remember how he had been one of the good guys; someone a person
could trust. It angered him then.

     He had no energy to get very angry, but it made him swear to
avenge what had happened to him. He felt betrayed and he felt saddened
by what had happened to him. Most of all, he felt the need to fix what
had happened by taking their lives away from them.


     When they got to Barnes and Nobles, Jo Jo started walking ahead
of Sam. They had left the children with Doggett and Scully. Sam said,
"Hey, Jo Jo, wait!"

     She was walking faster than he had ever seen her walk before. She
disappeared into a section of books, Sam trying to find her. He
sighed.  Something about a book store could make Jo Jo's otherwise
slow speed become very quick.

     Sam finally caught up to her. He said, "Jo Jo, I've never seen
you walk so fast in my entire life."

     Jo Jo smiled at him, a book in her hand. She put it back, walking
quickly to another section as if the store was about to disappear on
her. She was looking at as many sections of books as she could. Sam
could barely keep up with her and it bothered him. Usually she was
telling him to slow down.

     Sam sighed when she stopped looking at the biggest Rolling Stones
biography he had ever seen. She read the title off to him. "Old Gods
Almost Dead. Do you realize that if I read this book, I'd know so much
more?"

     Sam sighed. "It's 500 pages, Jo Jo. You'll never have time to
read that book."

     "Christmas is coming, or is my birthday coming first?"  Jo Jo
said, smiling. She looked very excited about her find. Sam knew how
much these things meant to her.

     Sam sighed. "Jo Jo, you're silly. But if you want the book, we'll
get the book."

     Jo Jo smiled at him, hugging him tightly. "I love you."  "I know
you do. I love you too, Jo Jo. You done looking or not?" Sam said,
looking down at her.

     She shook her head no. "I know that Mike said we shouldn't get
him and Kathy anything, but I can't help it. I want to get them
something at least."

     Sam followed her quick pace. He sighed. "What do you have in
mind?"

     "I'm not sure yet. Don't know what I want to look for."  Jo Jo
said, her actions almost in reflection of a hummingbird's. She stopped
short, Sam runnning into her. "I think I'll get them two different
books."

     "Oh?" Sam grunted. "Next time watch how you put them brakes on."

     Jo Jo giggled. "Sorry. I'm thirsty."

     "No coffee or caffeine. You're scaring me already."


     After Sam and Jo Jo left, Mike leaned over, kissing Kathy awake.
He said, "Kat, I want to talk to you."

     Kathy opened her eyes, looking up into Mike's face. His
expression was one of saddness mixed with a gratefulness she couldn't
understand. He said, "Kat, I just want to talk to you."

     Kathy sat up. She asked, "What about, Mike? Is something wrong
that I should know about?"

     Mike looked down. "No. Sam and Jo Jo were here earlier, but I
wanted some privacy with you. I was thinking while you were asleep
about us."

     Kathy was now a little nervous. She asked, "What did you think
about that dealt with us?"

     Mike looked away, then back at her, love for her filling his
green eyes. He said, "Kat, I was thinking about how even though we
lost the baby how I still had you and I can never be thankful enough
for that. I know I'm a bad person sometimes, but I think that, and God
I know this sounds mushy, but I think that without you I wouldn't be
here anymore. I wouldn't honestly have a reason to be here anymore."

     Kathy looked over at him, her grey eyes questioning what he was
saying. Mike said, "Kat, is everything alright?"  He took one of her
hands into his.

     Kathy smiled at him. "You're absolutely right, Mike. We need one
another. Without one another we are nothing and I want you to know
that even though we suffered a great loss, I, I still love you."

     Mike smiled wide at her. He said, "I was hoping you'd say that."
He kissed her. "I don't know. We'll have to make do with what we do
have, I guess."


     Sam and Jo Jo sat at a table. Sam had ordered her a strawberry
smoothie and a coffee for himself. He said, "Jo Jo, what on Earth has
gotten into you? You never walk that fast."

     Jo Jo smiled, still having energy flow through her. "It's these
bookstores, Sam. I want to see as many books as possible and all at
once. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be annoying."

     Sam laughed. "You're not being annoying. It's just making me
nervous, that's all. I'm not used to seeing you walk so quickly, and
frankly it's sorta scaring me."

     Jo Jo sighed. "I'm trying to think of what I want to get Mike and
Kathy. Any ideas?"

     "Well, Mike likes things that help him with his music, you know,
techie type books that teach him how to use some of the equipment he
uses. I'll help you with that one, since the newest Midi-file book
should have come out. Kathy likes things that deal with more domestic
things. I think that she likes baking a lot.  I've noticed Mike
putting some pounds on the last few times we've seen him." Sam said,
smiling at her.

     Jo Jo giggled. "I've noticed that too. Wonder what types of
things he likes and what she likes to bake."

     "Well, hmm, let's see. I think he likes cookies and some cakes,
but then most people do. Let's look for Mike's book first and then
we'll swing by the cook book section. How's that sound?" Sam said,
sipping his coffee.

     Jo Jo sipped some of her smoothie, nodding her head.  She looked
around the store at how large it was. She sighed. "I just hope that
things will be alright soon.  It's not a good sign for the tour if
somethings are already going wrong."

     Sam sighed. He took her hand, giving it a small squeeze.  "I
already told you, we'll be fine. What's got you so jumpy anyways, Jo
Jo? Mulder's been locked away for years now. We've gone through 5
tours since and we've been just fine."

     Jo Jo looked down, looking a little aprehensive. "I don't know.
I've just got this odd feeling that something is going to happen. I
always feel this way before we tour, so it's probably nothing."

     Sam said, "It'll be alrigh. Why don't we do something more fun
and get those books for those two, okay?"

     Jo Jo smiled then. "I like that idea."


Thought he had it all before they called his bluff Found out that his
skin just wasn't thick enough Wanted to go back to how it was before
Thought he had lost everything Then he lost a whole lot more A fool's
devotion Swallowed up in empty space The tears of regret Frozen to the
side of his face The smell of sunshine I remember sometimes I've done
all I can do Could I please come with you?  Sweet smell of sunshine I
remember sometimes (Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor, I'm Looking Forward
to Joining You, Finally, The Fragile: The Right, 1999)

     Mulder recalled all of the times that he had been called upon his
bluff to escape. He had found out in those times that his plan wasn't
good enough, that he thought he had lost it all. He had lost a whole
lot more when he had messed up in the past.

     He was like a devoted fool, swallowed up in an empty space with
nothing but the tears of his regret frozen on his face. He stared
forward, lost in his own world, where the sunshine was real to him.

     Mulder saw Scully then, standing in the sun, beckoning him to
join her. He had done all he could do, he just wanted to join her now.
He stepped forward, remembering the times that he and Scully were
inseparable. He wanted to join them; he wanted to join her.

     Mulder could remember it all. He could remember exactly how she
looked, how she was. He just didn't know how to get back to her or if
that was every going to be possible. He would make sure it was
possible.


     Doggett was playing with Trent and William.  He said, "Now, we've
got a good game of checkers goin' here. Since I'm playing Trent, Will,
you'll play who ever loses this game here."

     William nodded. He sat, his hazel eyes watching the board
carefully. His red hair had become shaggy.  He was short, but he
hadn't really hit his growth spurt just yet.

     Scully stood in the doorway, watching as John lay on his side,
playing the game. He was losing badly to Trent. He said, "Hey now, I
think you're cheatin'.  Just kiddin'. Your father taught you well."

     Trent smiled at him. He got the other side with his red piece.
"King me."

     Doggett sighed. "That's the 5th King you've gotten.  I've only
got one."

     Scully laughed. "Admit it, John. Trent plays way more checkers
than you do."

     Doggett said, "Well yeah, but I should be able to get more than
one king."

     Trent said, "Your turn."

     Doggett moved his black piece a few squares. He sighed.  "I know,
I know. You're going to jump me."

     Trent took one of his Kings, jumping Doggett's piece.  He said,
"I win. You're out of pieces."

     Scully shook her head, laughing softly. "I think you and William
might be evenly matched. You two don't play nearly enough checkers."

     Doggett sighed. "I know." He looked at Trent who wore a smile on
his face. He looked a lot like Sam. Doggett said, "Good game though."

     "Yep. Very good game. Dad's teaching me rummy next."  Trent said.
"He told me that when he got home from this next tour he'd teach me.
It'll be so much fun.  Funner than checkers."

     Doggett started to protest that funner wasn't a word when Scully
put her fingers to her lips. She said, "I'm sure it will be. I didn't
know that your father hadn't already taught you that game."

     Trent said, "He's been waiting because we've been busy with
school and guitar lessons."

     "Figures. Well, Will, you wanna play your old man?"


     When Sam and Jo Jo got back from shopping, Mike sighed. "I told
you to make sure she didn't buy us stuff."

     Jo Jo glared at him before hugging him. "I couldn't help myself.
Must sit down now. Ow, there went my knee."

     Mike shook his head. "What did you do, make her walk all over the
entire store?"

     "It was the damndest thing. Jo Jo was walking so fast I had
trouble keeping up with her. It was insane. She can truck if she wants
to." Sam said, smiling a little. "We couldn't help but get you a
couple of books. For you, Mike, we got a book on the newest update to
the Midi-file system. For Kathy, we got her a book on baking. I've
noticed you getting a little chunky, Mike."

     Mike smiled sheepishly. "What can I say? She makes good cookies."

     Kathy sighed. "I do not and you know it. You just have a sweet
tooth."

     "I think you make wonderful cookies. Don't knock 'em." Mike said.
He flipped through his book.

     Jo Jo took out her Rolling Stones book, causing both Mike and
Kathy to gawk. Mike asked, "You gonna be able to read all of that?"

     Jo Jo sighed. "I probably already know all of this stuff. It's
part of the collection, and if there is something I can learn, so be
it. I swear if they could give a degree for Stones knowledge I'd
already be successful in a job just for it.  I decided writing would
be better."

     Mike laughed. "Wise move."

     Kathy looked at her baking book. She said, "You're so nice to get
this for me."

     "Well, Sam told me what you two would like, I picked it out. I
hope you like them." Jo Jo said, flipping through the Stones book,
looking at various photos.

     Mike half-smiled. "Yeah, I think we will."


This world rejects me This world threw me away This world never gave
me a chance This world gonna have to pay I don't believe in your
institutions I did what you want me to Like the cancer in your system
I've got a little suprise for you Something inside of me Has opened up
its eyes Why did you put it there Did you not realize This thing
inside of me It screams the loudest sound Sometimes I think I could
Burn (Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor, Burn, Natural Born Killers
Soundtrack, 1997)

     The doctors came to unstrap him and get him to a normalized
state. Mulder kicked one doctor in the head as soon as his leg was
free and he could run. He ran out of the room, down the hall way.

     Mulder knew he was a rejected person by the world. He was going
to make the world pay for throwing him away and never giving him the
chance he deserved.

     As he had sat thinking in his cell, he had his eyes opened for
him. He had a surprise for them.  He charged down the hall way. Mulder
wondered why they had given him this, why it was screaming the loudest
sound inside of him.

     He was going to burn everything in connection to this place and
he was going to destroy who had put him there by burning them too. He
got to the gate, guards circling in.

     Mulder wondered if he was going to make it. He had tricked the
guards and started to open the gates. Now or never.

I will kill him where you're standing Flock of sheep out on this pay
With all your lies bumped up around you I can take it all away
Something inside of me Has opened up its eyes Why did you put it there
Did you not realize Something inside of me It screams the loudest
sound Sometimes I think I could I'm gonna burn this whole world down I
never was a part of you Burn I am the agent I never was a part of you
Burn I am corruption I never was a part of you Burn I am the angel I
never was a part of you Burn Of your destruction I never was a part of
you Burn I am subversion I never was a part of you Burn Secret desire
I never was a part of you Burn I am your future I never was a part of
you Burn Swallow down all that fire Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor,
Burn, Natural Born Killers Soundtrack, 1997)

     Mulder broke for it, getting out just as the gate slammed down
behind him. He ran as fast as he could, trying to avoid being caught
and brought back. He shouted, "I never was a part of you!"

     The doctors sent out guards and dogs to chase him down. Mulder
slammed a guy's head into a car's steering wheel, then yanked him out.
He was going to make sure Sam paid. He'd kill him when he saw him.

     Mulder got behind the wheel of the car, gunning it.  He drove
wildly down the street, trying to get away before he could make any
other plans. He knew he'd have time. He was patient enough.


     A month later the tour began. Sam and Mike were geared up to hit
the road, while Jo Jo and Kathy were a little reluctant. Sam said, "Jo
Jo, come on, it'll be fun."

     Jo Jo crossed her arms. "I know, but still."

     Sam laughed. "I know you don't like hotels. Let's get on the bus.
Mike is gonna follow us in his bus for awhile, until he gets the staff
trained to what he wants for equipment hauling."

     Jo Jo sighed. "Okay. Let's get on the bus so we can get settled
in." She boarded onto the bus. "I hope the kids are having a good stay
while we are gone.  I hate leaving them behind like this."

     "I know. I do too, but it wouldn't be fucking fun if we had to
watch out for the kids all the fucking time.  It'd become one of those
annoying show off the children things and I hate those." Sam said,
lighting a cigarette.

     Jo Jo laughed. "I know. I just hate being away from the kids for
any length of time. It's the mother in me, I guess."

     Sam smiled. "I know. Let's get this show on the road.  It's gonna
be a fucking blast."

     "You always say that." Jo Jo said, leaning back into her seat.
She sighed. "You'd think we'd get a better bus by now."

     Sam laughed. "Hey, the bus is just fine. Let's get our road mind
on and we'll be having a fucking blast before we know it. Oh, and Jo
Jo, when we get to the first hotel, we'll be able to have fun without
worrying about kids for a change."

     "SAM! Don't talk about that right now." Jo Jo said, glaring at
him. She didn't look all that happy about his innuedo about what they
might do at the hotel that night.

     Sam laughed. "Jo Jo, don't be so silly." He got up, getting her
something to drink and himself a beer.  "I can't wait to hit the stage
tonight."

     Jo Jo smiled. "At least it'll be fun to be out performing again."
She sighed then. "I get stuck back stage doing nothing. I hate that."

     "You'll have Kathy to talk to." Sam said, taking a drink of his
beer.

     Jo Jo snorted. "Yeah. I suppose so. I can't wait to be settled on
the road. It's always hard to start out on tour."


     Mike and Kathy sat on their bus, getting settled. Kathy sighed as
she sat down into her seat. Mike looked at her with concern, knowing
the past month had been extremely difficult for the two of them. He
sat down next to her, taking her hand into his. He squeezed it a
little, then let go.

     Kathy looked at him, giving him a tenative smile.  She knew that
Mike was happy to be out touring again, she just hoped he wouldn't get
to wild. She'd have to monitor his drinking or she'd be sorry. She
knew he could get a little wild.

     Mike asked her quietly, "You settled in, then?"

     Kathy nodded. "Yeah. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me so much."

     Mike sighed. "I can't help it." He smiled then, too full of pent
up energy to sit still. He got up, turning on his stereo.  Kathy shook
her head.

     The crew joined them on the bus, all taking their seats.  They
knew that Kathy was off limits and that they would have to be careful
around her. One sat down in front of Mike and Kathy's seats, turning
around. He asked, "So where the fuck are we going first?"

     Mike said, "Sam told me we'd be stopping in some place for the
night near Pennsylvania. I don't know. You'd have to go ask him. We're
just following him and his bus for now."

     The man nodded. He turned back around facing the front.

     Mike started fidgeting in his seat, unable to get settled down.
He couldn't get settled and he was eager to get going.  He started to
tap his fingers onto the back of the seat in front of him, dancing a
little in his seat.

     Kathy sighed. "Mike, if we're going to be on the road for awhile,
please settle down. I don't know if I can take you being all jumpy and
excited for much longer."

     Mike smiled then stopped. "Sorry."

     Kathy rolled her eyes, then looked out the window. "I wish I had
that much energy."

     Mike hugged her. "Awww, it's okay. Why don't you get some sleep
and get rested up before we get there? I know I'm gonna miss your
baking and I'll probably shed a few pounds so at least I can make you
comfortable to thank you for you world class peanut butter cookies
with the chocolate stars in the middle."

     Kathy turned, smiling at him. "I packed some, you know."

     "You did! Alright, no one touches my cookies and I mean no one
will touching those fucking cookies or I'll kill them."  Mike said,
announcing to the bus loudly.

     Kathy giggled. "You're gonna get fat if you keep eating those
cookies you know."

     "Sam could eat a ton of them and never gain a pound. It's not
fair." Mike said, stretching out in his seat. "Now, you get some
sleep."


     That night in the dressing room, Mike was getting ready for his
part of the concert. He took out a box of dry cornstarch, smiling at
Sam. Sam rolled his eyes.  "I'm not putting that fucking stuff on,
man. If you want to, got for it."

     Mike dabbed someon his nose, then got up, tossing some at Sam,
coating him in it. Mike laughed at him. "Gotcha."

     "You motherfucker. What the fuck did you do that for?"  Sam said,
brushing himself off. He picked some of the starch up, tossing some
into Mike's hair.

     Jo Jo came into the room, rolling her eyes. "Will you two grow
up, please?"

     Sam flicked some starch at her, covering her in it. She glared at
him, brushing herself off. Sam said, "Oh fuck. You're going to kill
me, aren't you?"

     Jo Jo groaned. "What's the point." She stomped away, trying to
find a place she could wash off. She was muttering to herself as she
walked away with disgust.

     Sam groaned. "She's gonna kill me later."

     Mike sighed. "Come on, man. She'll start having fun and then
she'll forget all about it before you know it." He finished getting
ready, putting blood red lipstick on to finish his costume. He stood
up, barely reaching Sam's shoulder. He was wearing black boots,
leather shorts and a leather shirt. "Let's get you ready and we'll do
what ever the fuck we want."

     Sam nodded. He sighed. "Does't Kathy ever get upset about you
looking like this?"

     "Nah. She doesn't seem to care as long as I don't wear it around
the house. She refuses to bake cookies if I do." Mike said, smiling.

     Sam laughed. "She knows where to hurt you, doesn't she? Man,
don't ever let your fans know you have a sweet tooth. They'll think
you've gone fucking soft."

     Mike laughed. "Good to see you didn't shave your fucking head
there, dude. You look like a fucking freak when you do that."  He got
a beer out, drinking it.

     Sam laughed. "What ever. I'm gonna change, apologize to Jo Jo so
I have a place to sleep tonight and we'll go from there.  Don't go too
wild on me tonight."

     After Sam left, Kathy entered. Mike smiled at her, modelling for
her. "You like this look?"

     "Not really, but if it's for the show it's for the show."  Kathy
said, smiling at him.

     Mike took a pair of gloves out, pulling them on. He said, "Like
this shade of lipstick? Doesn't it make me look so pretty?" He
laughed.

     Kathy laughed at him. "You look creepy and freaky and you know
what, I don't care." She kissed him. "Now, have fun tonight and scare
the crap out of the crowd. Just don't go stealing the show from Sam.
It's his tour after all."

     "I know, I know." He kissed her back. "Let's get something to
eat, make sure the rest of the guys are ready and we'll chill out
before the show."

     Kathy nodded. "Alright. Sounds like a plan. I still don't get the
reason for all of that make up." She shook her head, leading the way
out of the dressing room.

     They walked past one of the band members who teased Mike.  He
said, "Hey Mike, did you go and see what they're doing to that room?
They're smashing it to pieces."

     Mike said, "DUDE! I'm there. Kat and I need to go get some food.
Don't let them destory it completely without me."

     Kathy groaned. "Mike, do you really have to do that stuff?"

     Mike ran a hand through his hair. He smiled at her. "Yeah.  It's
fun. Who knows what's going on."

     Kathy rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Let's get some food and I'm
going to find Jo Jo after that. You can destroy what ever you want
then."

     Mike laughed. He jangled the chain that hung out of his pocket,
energy building inside of himself. Sam walked by, giving him a high
five. Mike said, "Fuck! You look normal."

     Sam shrugged. "What can I say." He was wearing silver pants and a
t-shirt. "I don't have a scary look for my shows like you. Dude,
you'll take the first set and we'll let you destroy what ever
equipment you want. Go for it.  You got a fixer guy for that."

     "Yep. Dude, where's the fucking food around here?"

     "Go straight down this hall way and you'll find it.  Man, this is
gonna rock."

     Mike smiled. "Thanks man."

     Kathy shook her head. She was still shy and didn't say anything
around this loud crowd. They made it to the table where Mike's current
guitar player was eating and drinking a beer. He looked over at Mike.
"So man, what songs we doing tonight?"

     "Well, we got a couple of songs from our 94 album and ummm I
don't know. Where the fuck is the song list?" Mike asked, trying to
figure out what songs they were actually doing.

     Kathy sighed. "I packed it into your duffel bag. I knew you'd
forget it if we weren't careful."

     "Thanks Kat." He kissed her. "What do you want?"

     "I'll take some cheese and a glass of punch. Where are Jo Jo and
I going to be while you two do your thing?"

     "I'll show you after we eat." Mike said, giving her what she
asked for.


     Mike took the stage. It was dark and forboding and a song started
to key him in. Suddenly a flash of green lights went off and Mike
screamed into the microphone.  He yelled, "You fucking ready! Are you
fucking pigs ready!"

     The crowd responded back to him, excited. He bent over running
around the stage singing the song, half screaming it at the audience.
A mosh pit had formed in front of the stage almost as soon as he had
started the song and he was dodging those who were stage diving. He
stopped, waiting for the second part of the song.

     When the second part of the song hit, he started to head bang,
his hair flying around. He tossed his micrphone stand at the drum set
then, getting ready to smash the stage.

     He felt something hit him and he stopped mid song, screaming,
"Who ever threw that, fuck you!" He pointed in the vacinity, where the
crowd swarmed the person under. He then moved across the stage
switching into the next song.  He retrieved his microphone stand,
whispering into the microphone, "You ready for a song
about.....fucking?"

     The crowd went wild. He started to sing it, sweat dripping off of
his forehead. He attacked his guitar player, causing both of them to
fall down onto the stage. He felt the energy of the live show take
over, none of the things he was doing at the moment hurting. That
would come later.

     He got up, picking up his micstand, crashing it into the key
board. He screamed into the microphone then, smashing and kicking the
keyboard until it was on the stage where he could stomp on it.

     At the end of the song, he said, "Thank you! Be ready for Sam.
He's gonna fucking rock your socks off!"

     He tossed the microphone aside, taking a towel and wiping the
sweat and makeup onto it. He walked back to the microphone. "No wait.
Fuck that. I think we'll both rock your socks off together a little
while later. See you fuckers!"

     He came back stage, cleaning up. Sam said, "How's the crowd?"

     "Now that I'm through with them, they're wild.  I'm coming on
after your second set, right? We'll finish the concert that way,
right?" Mike said, taking a drink of water.

     "Yeah man. Thanks for doing this."

     "No problem. Oh shit, I'm bleeding."  Mike looked down at his
arm.

     Sam laughed. "You know what Ozzy would do with that?"

     Mike looked at him, wiping some of the blood off of his arm.
"What?"

     "He'd eat it." Sam laughed, going to grab his guitar for the
first song. "See you in a bit then."


     Sam took the stage, sitting down in the middle of it at first as
the rest of the group started to play their parts. He stood up,
singing into the microphone before screaming into it. He wore his
guitar and when he broke to play he tossed his head from side to side.

     He yelled into the microphone, "Hey all you! You fucking ready
for an awesome show??"

     The crowd cheered. Sam said, "Good! You're gonna get one." He
played his guitar, strutting a little on the stage.  He picked up a
bottle of water when he finished his part on the guitar, drinking from
it. He tossed some of the water into the crowd before tossing the
bottle at them.

     Sam went back to the microphone, screaming into it, holding his
teeth together to form the sound he desired. He then sung the next
part of the song.

     After the first song of the song closed, he said, "You ready for
an amazing night? Cause we're gonna blow your fucking ear drums out!"

     The crowed cheered. Sam started playing a crunchy guitar riff,
entering into the next song. He danced as he played.  He was in
constant motion and from time to time he accidently ran into one of
the other members.

     Sam played a long hard riff and screamed into the microphone at
the same time. He was enjoying himself greatly and it felt
exhilariting to be out on the road again, performing for the crowd.

     When the song finished, he said, "2 hours from now you won't be
able to hear! Let's get this show on the road!"


     Meanwhile the girls were sitting in the backstage room with heavy
security around the room. Jo Jo was talking quietly with Kathy, who
was mildly upset. She sighed. "I don't know what to say. It's been
such a hard month and I'm just a little stressed. I'm, I'm sorry to
lay this out on you."

     Jo Jo hugged her. "It's fine. We all have difficult times that we
need extra help through. If there is anything you need, just ask. Sam
and I will be here for both you and Mike whenever you need anything."

     Kathy felt unshed tears come to her eyes. She said, "I don't know
what to say."

     "You don't have to say anything. You just need to know we're
there for you. It's tough going through what you are going through.
Now, let's have some fun unless you want to talk about something."

     A crew member had been watching the conversation between the two
women. He was fairly young and a new addition to the crew, so he
didn't know who they were. He sat down next to Kathy.

     Kathy looked at him, wondering what he was up to. He said, "Your
boyfriend giving you problems?"

     Kathy scooted closer to Jo Jo, now very shy. She didn't say
anything and she just stared at him. She didn't know who he was and
she didn't like how he was looking at her.

     Jo Jo glared at the man. She didn't like him either and the way
he was acting concerned her. She didn't say anything, waiting for the
man to make his next move.

     The man took Kathy's hand, pulling on her arm lightly. He was
trying to get her to come closer to her. He thought she was a groupie
that was waiting for the band to come backstage. He whispered into
Kathy's ear, "We could go somewhere and be alone. I'd make you forget
all about your boyfriend and the trouble he's causing you."

     Kathy tried to pull away, not liking what this man was doing to
her. She was too shy to respond or say anything and she was a little
afraid of what he might do if she started to resist.

     The man leaned in, kissing Kathy on the lips before she could
turn away. She didn't like this man and she was now very nervous.
Another man who was this crew member's friend had a hold of Jo Jo,
keeping her silent.

     Just then, Mike walked in, looking for a new towel and some
bandages. He said, not looking up from his arm, "Hey Kat, where are
the bandages? I banged myself up out there." He waited for an answer
and her to rush up, checking his arm out. When it didn't happen, he
finally looked up, notcing the men holding both Jo Jo and Kathy
hostage, one of them kissing Kathy. That's when he felt his anger boil
over, the anger and intensity of the show still flowing through him.

     Mike very roughly pulled the guy off from Kathy, yanking him to
face him. He glared at him, his face in a malice, twisted grin. "Who
the fuck are you and what are you doing?"

     The man was taller than Mike. He looked down at Mike, almost
feeling like he should be laughing. "She was lonely and having
problems with her boyfriend. I thought I could help."
 
     "Listen you piece of shit, motherfucking excuse for a human
being, no good idiot that thinks with his dick more than his head.
That's my wife you're talking about and if you're not careful you
won't have a dick to think with anylonger."  Mike said, glaring up at
him.

     The man laughed. "You, you're her husband? No way. No wonder the
woman was upset. She's got a freak for a husband."

     Mike said through gritted teeth, "Don't you know who the fuck I
am? Who the hell hired you?"

     The man said, "Mike Flood, who else? He saw my name and hired me.
You're not him."

     "You better fucking rethink that, moron. Before I beat you to a
pulp." He was clenching his fists at his sides.  "I'm Mike Flood and
just as easily as I can say you're hired, I can say you're fired."

     The man said, "You're not him. No way."

     "Yes way. Want me to get security on you? Trust me, I'm me and
I'm not going to take what you've just done to my wife lightly." He
punched the man in the stomach, causing the man to gasp for air.

     Mike had him on the floor in a matter of seconds and in his anger
he started to kick him. He couldn't believe what he had just walked in
on and now he was extremely angry.

     The man had no chance, even though he was taller and slightly
bigger than Mike. Mike was on an adreline high and was not going to
stand by and do nothing. He said, "I ever see you fucking near
anything of mine and I'm going to have to kill you. What the fuck is
wrong with you? Just cause you're fucking 21 doesn't mean every woman
wants you. Go get someone your own age to play with."

     Sam came in, noticing that Mike was severely beating someone.  
He said, "Man, what's going on? What are you doing?"

     Mike glared at Sam. He had stopped for a moment. "This
motherfucking idiot was kissing Kat! He, he was trying to... fuck it.
I'm not finished with the fucker."
 
     Sam said, "He what? Jo Jo, did anyone do anything to you?"

     Jo Jo said, "The other guy, he kissed me too, but he hightailed
it." She was holding Kathy who was hiding her face and crying softly.
She didn't want to see what Mike was going to do to the man, but she
knew it was because he loved her.

     Mike resumed kicking him. He said, "That's what you get for
fucking around, you loser."

     Sam pulled back on Mike. "Stop man. He's not gonna do it again.
We'll get rid of him. Come on man, you're scaring Kathy."

     Mike stopped, feeling drained. "Fuck it. I'm not going back on
stage tonight if this shit is gonna happen. You breaking between
sets?"

     "Yeah. It's fine, man. Shit happens. You take care of Kathy. I'm
gonna make sure this guy gets taken out of here."

     Mike nodded. He sat down next to Kathy, sighing. He took Kathy
into his arms, hugging her to himself. He wanted to let her know it
was okay and that he wouldn't hurt her.

     Sam sighed. He picked the man up. "You fucked up big time.  Come
with me. We'll get you cleaned up and if I ever see either of you
fuckers around here again, I'll have my body guard take care of it."

     Jo Jo got up following Sam. She knew that Mike and Kathy would
need some time to sort through what had happened. She gave Mike a
tenative smile, making her way out.

     Mike lifted Kathy's chin up so he could look at her. He said,
"Kat, it's okay now."

     Kathy looked a little frightened. She closed her eyes, looking
away from him, tears running down her cheeks.

     Mike wondered if he had gone too far. He knew he had been in a
rage and he had lost control. He hoped that he hadn't scared her too
much. He whispered, "Kat, it's okay."

     She looked up. "Mike, you scared me."

     Mike sighed. He was afraid that she would say that. He got up,
facing away from her. He said, "What the fuck was I supposed to do?
Let him get away with what he did? I, I know I went too far, but when
I saw what he was doing, I lost it."

     Kathy got up, walking towards where he was. She took his hand
into hers slowly. She was a little unsure of how he felt after she had
lost the baby and now this had happened.  She was worried that she
might lose him.

     Mike turned around, looking at her. "He's right. I'm a freak.
Just look at me."

     Kathy said, "You are not. I love you just the way you are.  
Mike, it's okay."

     Mike sighed. He lifted his arm up, revealing his cut.  The blood
had clotted and dried awhile ago and it looked ghastly. He had
forgotten all about it. He said, "Listen, Kat, you could have found
way better than me. I'm, I'm..."

     "You're what, Mike?" Kathy asked, trying to figure out what he
was trying to say.

     "I'm, I'm a loser. I always have been. I drive everyone away. I
scare them." He sighed, looking down, his hair falling into his face.
He let go of her hand.

     Kathy bit her lip. She knew he was upset and that he had
moodswings while on tour very often. She had seen it before.  She
hugged him before he could get away. "Mike, just because that young
guy said those awful things to you and tried to think he could have me
means nothing. I would have never agreed to go with him."

     Mike pulled away to look at her. "Why?"

     She sighed. "You are so dense sometimes. Think about it.  You're
the only one who loves me because you just do. Now you should finish
the show tonight. It'll be good for you."

     Mike ran a gloved hand through his hair. He asked, "You think so?
Is it going to be okay if I leave you here?"

     "I'll be fine. Don't worry so much. Brian is aware now."  She
kissed his cheek. "Go, you'll have fun and you'll get rid of what ever
anger is left. You need it."

     "Only if you say so. I hope to God that the rest of this fucking
tour isn't like this." Mike said.


     Sam asked the man, "Who the hell was the other guy and where can
I find him?" He was dragging the man behind him by his shirt.

     The man said, "James went somewhere. I don't know."

     Sam stopped, taller and bigger than this man. He glared at him.
"I don't know where you got an idea that you could just come on to any
woman backstage as if you could do as you pleased, but I want to know
what you were thinking."

     "I, I was trying to help that woman." The man said.

     "You're a fucking liar and I hate those more than anything in the
world. Mike didn't do enough to you for what you did to Kathy. I see
that he mainly knocked the air out of you and gave you a bloody nose.
You're lucky you didn't do anything to Jo Jo or I would have killed
you."

     The man looked down, shameful. "I'm sorry. I thought I could get
lucky."

     "That's more like it. You're being honest about it. I'm going to
find out who the other man was and get you cleaned up. Then I'll let
you go. Don't come back. We owe you nothing."

     The man nodded. He took a towel from Sam's hand, wiping his nose.  
"I didn't know. I'm sorry."

     "A little too late to be sorry. You should have taken the hint
that they didn't want you around." Sam said.

     "If I would have known who they were I wouldn't have done it."  
He held the towel to his nose, catching as much blood as he could.

     "Well, next time you work on a rock show, make sure you know who
everyone is. You can't do whatever you want and get whatever you want.
I'm sure you noticed that Kathy didn't say anything. You scared her
and you know what, that made Mike more angry than you kissing her.
Trust me." Sam said.

     The man nodded a little. He sighed.

     Sam said, "I'll let security take care of you for now. I've got a
show to finish doing." He lit a cigarette, heading back to make sure
that Mike and Kathy were alright.

     Sam looked at Jo Jo who had been standing silently. She watched
Sam handle the situation, waiting for him before she could tell her
part. He walked up to her, taking her hand. "Jo Jo, you alright?"
 
     "I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Let's get back to where Kathy
and Mike are sitting. I'm gonna make sure that they are alright while
you perform, okay?" Jo Jo said, looking down.

     Sam said, "You sure you're alright? Listen, we'll check up on the
children in the morning and that'll make you feel better, okay?"

     Jo Jo nodded. She sighed. "I don't know, this looks like it might
be a bad sign. I mean, why did those two do that?"

     "Jo Jo, it's okay. We'll do just fine." Sam smiled.

     They walked back into the room where Mike and Kathy were.  Mike
had bandaged his arm, reapplying his makeup. Sam asked, "What gives
with the make up?"

     Mike said, "Kat talked me into going back on stage. Said I needed
to get the rest of my anger out."

     "Oh no you don't. You are not beating on me out there."  Sam
said, smiling at him. "You sure you wanna go out there?"

     "Yeah. I told the fans out there we would entertain together.  I
better do it." Mike said, brushing some hair from his face.  He said,
"You know, it might not be such a bad idea. I'll be taking all of my
anger out on something else other than a person."

     Sam sighed. "Alright, just no jumping on me and shit like that. I
won't take it." He laughed then, hugging Mike. "Let's finish this show
and call it a night."

     Mike smiled, even though it didn't seem to make him look any
better. He had changed his shirt as well. Sam took a step back,
looking at it. "What the hell are you wearing?"

     "Oh this? It's my 'The Satanic Army' shirt. Like it? I packed it
just for touring." Mike said, mock modelling for Sam and the room.

     Kathy sighed. "I don't know where you got that shirt, but if you
like it, you like it."
 
     Mike smiled. "Thanks, Kat."

     Jo Jo laughed. "It's cute. I have no idea where you'd get a shirt
like that, but it's cute. It says 'This is Mike'."

     Sam laughed. "Let's get out there man, before they riot on us."


Gave up trying to figure it out My head got lost along the way Worn
out from giving it up My soul I pissed it all away Still stings these
shattered nerves Pigs we pigs get what we deserve I'm going all the
way down I'm leaving today Come come come on you've gotta fill me up
Come come come on you've gotta let me inside of you Come come come on
you've gotta fix me up Come come come gotta let me inside of you Still
feel it slipping away but it doesn't matter anymore Everybody's still
chipping away But it doesn't matter anymore Look through these tired
blackened eyes You'll see ten thousand lies My lips may promise but my
heart is a whore (Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor, Last, Broken, 1992)

     Mulder gave up trying to figure out what had gone wrong. He had
already lost his sanity along the way. The fact that he has lost still
stung. He knew he was getting what he deserved but he wasn't about to
leave it be.

     He was leaving from the place he had come from, trying to fix
what had gone wrong. He wanted her to fill him up. He wanted her to
let him inside. He wanted her to fix him.

     Nothing mattered to him anymore. He looked tired and older. He
looked as if he had blackened eyes. He could lie if he had to, his
lips betraying while his heart would be a whore to whom ever came into
contact with him. He was going to fix this and he was going to fix it
now.  Mulder would make Scully his.

Come come come on you've gotta fill me up Come come come on you've
gotta let me inside of you Come come come on you've gotta fix me up
Come come come gotta let me get through to you This isn't meant to
last This is for right now I know it's all getting away It comes to me
as no surprise I know what's coming to me is never going to arrive
Fresh blood through tired skin New sweat to drown me in Dress this
rotten carcass just make it look alive Come come come on you've gotta
fill me up Come come gotta let me inside of you Come come come on
you've gotta fix me up Come come gotta let me get through to you This
isn't meant to last This is for right now I wish I could put the blame
on you I want you to make me I want you to take me I want you to break
me Then I want you to throw me away (Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor,
Last, Broken, 1992)

     Mulder needed fixing. He needed to get through to her. It came to
him as no surprise that what was coming to him wasn't going to happen.
He had flesh blood running through him now. His dormant carcass had
just come back to life.

     He wanted her to blame her for everything that had happened to
him and then he wanted her to abuse him so more.  He knew it wasn't
meant to last. He knew that it was for right now that he could try to
fulfil his dreams of being thrown away by her.

     Mulder had fallen even further, needing to be redeemed, though
that was far too late for him. First he would find Scully. Then he
would make Sam pay for taking her away.  He'd find Sam's children.
Those would be the flesh that he would seek.


     Mike and Sam took the stage, to finish off the concert. It was
dark and they took their positions in silence. The crowd was already
roaring, waiting for the next part of the concert. All of the energy
and anger was going to be channeled for this.

     Sam stood twenty feet away from Mike. He gave Mike a signal,
which put a spot light onto Mike from which he let out a primal
scream. Sam echoed, then gripped his guitar, playing a hard riff.

     The crowd went nuts, responding almost immediately to the anger
and expression being released on stage. They echoed Mike and Sam's
screams with a roar of their own.

     Mike started to sing the first part of the song, while Sam played
the guitar parts. Sam stood at the microphone, two spot lights
focusing only on each member of the bands as they played.  Sam sung
the next part solo while the spot light dimmed on Mike.

     The chorus hit and both spot lights appeared on them, before
chaos errupted. Mike and Sam started to run the stage, smashing random
objects as they went along.

     The anger that had funneled into Mike when he had seen the other
man attempting to steal Kathy from him sent him over the edge. He
jumped, feet forward into the large keyboard in the center of the
stage.

     Sam took a stand, smashing the keyboard with him. Even though Sam
and his band were typically not very self-destructive on stage,
something about what had happened and a feeling of being pissed off
about everything sent the whole group off into a rage.

     Mike started to pound on the keys, making odd sounds come out of
the keyboard, keys breaking off and landing in piles on the stage
floor. There was microphone on the keyboard, turned on. He screamed
into it, then continued to smash the keyboard.
 
     Sam had moved on to destroying the drum set. They were able to
get a new drum set at any time. The drummer started to help him, and
they tossed the suspended cybals together.
 
     The crowd didn't seem to care. They were moshing and destroying
what was in the crowd. They were echoing the rage being displayed on
the stage with as much fervor that security wondered if they had to
stop the show.
 
     Mike finally got the keyboard destroyed to his satisfaction, and
sat down on to the stage. He then got up, drinking from a bottle. He
sprayed a majority of the water at the crowd, pouring what was left on
the mangled keyboard.

     Mike and Sam walked back stage, a little cut and a little
bruised. They high fived, laughing. Sam said, "That fucking rocked!
Man, was that awesome!"

     Kathy rushed up to Mike, noticing that he had some blood running
down his cheek. She exclaimed, "Mike, are you okay?  You're bleeding!"

     Mike smiled at her, wiping some of the blood off. He looked at
the towel that he was using. "Fuck. I am. Damn it. Let's get this
cleaned up and we'll have to head to the hotel."

     Jo Jo asked, "So, how much of the stage is still intact?"

     Sam laughed. "None of it. We destroyed the entire thing.  We
didn't even play a whole song, man. We just smashed the stage to bits
and left. The crowd went fucking balistic."

     Mike wiped the make up off of his face, dabbing a wet cloth over
his cheek. He sighed. "It's only a little cut.  I'll be just fine."

     Kathy sighed. "Mike, you should be more careful when you do
things like that." She had taken the cloth from his hand, dabbing it
for him.

     Sam laughed. "She's got you pinned. I'm gonna get you a new
towel. You want a beer?"

     "Yeah, sure. Why not." He stood still, waiting for Kathy to let
go of him.

     Kathy wiped the rest of his makeup off, scrubbing his face clean.
"Now, Mike, you're going to have to hold that towel for just a bit.
I'm going to get a band-aid for that cut."

     "Aw come on, Kat. It's not that bad, really." He stopped
protesting when she quietly stared at him. He sighed. There was
nothing he could do but let her do this.

     Sam came back, handing him a towel, holding onto Mike's beer.
"Kathy, make sure he gets the Seasame Street band-aid.  That'll make
him look real cool."

     Mike kicked out at Sam playfully. "Shut up you fucker.  I'm not
wearing anything that's got that fag Elmo on it."

     Sam laughed. "But would you wear one with Oscar on it, you
grouch?"

     Mike laughed then. "You're gonna get it."

     Jo Jo cleared her throat to get their attention.  "Boys, you've
done enough beating and smashing things for one night. Now calm down."

     Sam sighed. "Awww, but Jo Jo..."

     "But nothing. Now let's get him cleaned up and get to the hotel
where we are going to sleep."


     Doggett and Scully were watching the morning news when they heard
about the concert. Doggett watched some of the footage of the mayhem.
He sighed. "Somethin' must have happened to make them that angry,
though I'm sure Mike doesn't really need a reason."

     "Sh, they're saying something." Scully said, shushing him with a
hand wave as well.

     "The destruction on the stage is said to be caused by a crew
member going after one of the band leader's wives. Apparently the man
was treated for a few bruised ribs and a bloody nose. No charges were
pressed. The next show will be in Chicago, the local city of one of
the bands."

     Doggett winced. "Glad I missed it. If it was Jo Jo that guy went
after, Sam would have killed him."

     "John, I think it was Kathy. I have a funny feeling that
something happened and it sent him over the edge. I hope that the rest
of the tour doesn't go like this for them." She sighed, pouring a cup
of coffee.

     "Wait, they've got some local news." Doggett said, turning it up.
 
     "A man has escaped from the psych ward in Washington D.C. as of
last night. The name of the patient is not being disclosed at this
time, but it is being noted that he is very dangerous and can be
violent. Residents are asked to be careful and watchful for any
suspicious persons."

     Scully and Doggett exchanged glances. Scully said, "It can't be
him. He's in high security and under heavy guard."

     Doggett sighed. "I better let Brian know anyways. He'll want to
know if it is possible that Mulduh might be on the loose. Damn it.
Just when Sam and Mike started a tour together."
 
     Scully handed him a cell phone. William ran into the kitchen,
dressed and ready for school. He looked at his parents, questioning
what was happening. He asked, "What's wrong? Mom? Dad?"

     Scully said, "Nothing. Make sure you've got everything in your
back pack. I don't want to hear about you losing some more homework."

     William's hazel eyes looked troubled. He nodded, gathering the
things he'd need for school that day. He didn't know what was going
on, but his parents knew something.

     Doggett said, "I'll bring him to school. You get to the office
and start lookin' into what we just saw, okay?"

     Scully smiled. "Alright." She kissed him. "See you at the office.
Don't be trouble for your father, Will."

     "I won't."


     Scully walked into the basement office sitting down at her desk.
She was debating with herself to contact Skinner or not about what
they had just seen when the phone rang out, startling her. She picked
it up, answering, "Scully."
 
     "Scully, it's Skinner. We got some cases for you to pick up."
Skinner's voice said through the phone line.

     Scully said a little delayed, "Yeah, okay. When John gets here
I'll send him to get them."

     "Something the matter, Scully?" Skinner asked, wondering if there
was something up.

     "No, no. Nothing. Just thinking, that's all." Scully said.
 
     Something happen?" Skinner asked.

     "No. It's not a big deal. I'm going to get some paperwork done
and I'll talk to you later, sir." Scully hung up the phone.  She
looked over to the bulletien board where the 'I want to believe'
poster still hung. She had refused to take it down.

     She sighed. She was thinking about Mulder, especially after the
information had come out that a patient had escaped.  She thought, <I
hope that it's not you, Mulder. You need to be getting help, not be
out in the world.>

     Doggett walked in, noticing how she was staring off into space.
He remembered seeing her look like that years ago. He asked, "Find
somethin' out?"

     Scully jumped. "John, you scared me. No, I haven't even started.
Skinner called, said something about some cases for us to pick up. I
told him that I'd send you to get them."

     Doggett nodded. He said, "You okay? You look a little lost."

     "I'm fine. I was just thinking of that patient that escaped.  
I'm praying that it's not Mulder. Why don't you go and get those cases
and I'll call the Gunmen. They might know something."

     Doggett gave her a small kiss on the cheek. "Okay. I hope
everything is alright, Dana. Just tell me if you wanna talk."

     Scully smiled. "I will, John. Now go before Skinner gets angry at
the both of us for wasting time."

     Doggett walked up to Skinner's office. The secretary sent him in
right away. Doggett said, "I'm here to get those cases Dana told me
you wanted me to pick up."

     Skinner looked up. He slid his glasses back on.  "Good. How is
Scully doing anyways? She seemed sort of lost when I talked to her on
the phone. Something up that I don't know about?"

     "Well, sir, we're looking into somethin' we saw on the news this
mornin'." Doggett said, picking up the stack of case files on
Skinner's desk.

     Skinner sat back in his chair. "What thing you saw on the news
this morning?"

     "A patient has escaped from the D.C. psych ward. They say it was
last night. Sam just started a tour last night, so hopefully things
will be okay. We're tryin' to find out who escaped." Doggett said,
looking down, then fixing his ice blue eyes on Skinner.

     "You think Mulder got out? He's in high security. I don't think
it's Mulder at all. I do agree that you should check it out anyways.
It's been nearly ten years, John. For Mulder to get out now would be a
disaster." Skinner said, taking a sip from his coffee.

     "That's exactly what Dana and I were thinkin', sir. We want to
make sure that it's not him and if it is, to alert Brian. He's got Sam
and Mike's security for this tour under his control." Doggett said,
his gaze never wavering.

     Skinner nodded. "Alright. If it happens to be Mulder, make that
your top priority. He's very dangerous and I don't know if he's any
better than he was ten years ago. In fact, he may be worse than the
last time."

     Doggett nodded. "Thank you sir."


     Sam woke up the next morning, his entire body aching. He groaned.
Jo Jo was already awake and watching television. She said, "You okay?"
 
     He sat up, wincing. "Yeah. Just a little sore, that's all."
 
     Jo Jo laughed quietly. "That's what you get for going raving mad
on stage like that. You can't expect to smash everything to pieces and
not feel like hell the next day, you know."

     "Yeah, yeah. Rub it in." Sam said, rubbing an aching shoulder.

     Jo Jo sighed. "Turn around. Let me rub that for you."

     Sam turned around, very gingerly. He felt her fingers rub in
circles and he groaned. "Man, that feels good."

     Jo Jo smiled. "Well, your muscles are tight, that's all. Here,
take some asprin. It'll make it feel a little better." She handed him
the bottle and a glass of water.

     Sam sighed. "Yeah, okay, I admit it. We went a little crazy last
night, but I'd do it all over again."

     "A little? And knowing you, Sam, you'll be doing that all over
again sometime on the tour. You're that way. Now, lay down on your
stomach. I'm gonna rub your back." Jo Jo said, smiling.

     Sam turned around slowly. He kissed her. "You're naughty, you
know."

     "So?" She kissed him back, then allowed him to lay down on his
stomach and get comfortable. She then straddled him, rubbing his back
slowly. "You know, Sam, you shouldn't do that to yourself so much."

     "I know, but if it gets you to do this, why not?" Sam said,
closing his eyes.

     "Now who is being naughty." Jo Jo said, rubbing his shoulders.

     "Who cares about being naughty. I'm glad we're taking off this
evening rather than this afternoon. It'll give me a chance to
recuperate from last night."

     Jo Jo leaned in, kissing the back of his neck. "Yes, yes it will.
I can't imagine how poor Mike feels about now."

     "Oh man. No kidding. He did throw himself at the keyboard.  He's
gotta be smarting right about now." Sam said, letting a sigh of
satisfaction out.

     "Ouch. I swear, he's going to kill himself if he keeps doing
that."

     "I know, I know. It's just the way he is. Look at Pete Townsend.
He was notorious for breaking stuff, I just don't think he ever was as
violent."

     Jo Jo laughed. "Now, do you feel better?"

     "Much. Now I'm hungry but too comfortable to move."  Sam said,
laughing quietly.


     Mike woke up, feeling a little hung-over and extremely sore. He
opened his eyes, then closed them as quickly a he could. "Fuck!"

     Kathy looked over at him from her side of the bed.  She said,
"You okay?"

     Mike kept his eyes closed. "No. I feel like hell."  He rolled
over onto his side, facing away from the window.  "Will ya shut the
fucking curtain for me?"

     Kathy got up, shutting the curtain. She sighed. "Mike, you
overdid it last night."
 
     "Yeah, yeah. I know. I'll be fine once I get some asprin in me
and shit like that. It was worth every bit of it, though."  He
stretched, wincing in pain a little bit. His body ached all over the
place.

     Kathy grabbed some asprin out of the travel bag. She handed him a
couple of pills, pouring him a glass of water. He sat up, taking both
from her. She kissed his cheek. "I know. You have way too much fun out
there sometimes. Now, I'm going to take a shower and get dressed. I'm
assuming we're having a breakfast with everyone, right?"

     "Sam said something about a breakfast, yes. Doubt he'll drag his
ass outta bed for it, though." Mike said, still keeping his eyes
closed. "Man, I hate hang-overs."

     Kathy shook her head. "Next time don't drink so much. It's not
really that good for you to go nuts like that on the road."

     Mike grimiced, opening one eye. "Yeah, what ever. Listen, you get
your shower taken, and by them, perhaps I'll actually feel like
getting out of this bed. Who knows at this point if it'll happen."

     Kathy kissed him. "Be good while I'm gone. We'll have to check
that cut on your cheek. Wouldn't want you getting a scar or anything."

     Mike smiled. "Alright. Just go and get showered."

     Kathy gathered her clothes, disappearing into the bathroom.  As
soon as the door was shut, Mike laid back down, waiting for the asprin
to kick in. He sighed. "Alright, Mike, good one."

     Mike finally managed to get up out of bed. He walked out into the
hall, across the way, knocking on Sam's door. He waited for a few
moments.

     The door opened, and a rather rude welcoming greeted him. "Fuck
you!" It didn't sound like Sam had said it himself.

     He said, "What the fuck was that?"

     "You're an asshole!" The same voice he did not recognize
responded.

     Mike said, "Listen, you fucker, knock it off.  Who the hell are
you?"
 
     "Eat shit!" The voice responded.

     "That's it you motherfucker. You asked for it."  Mike walked into
the room, looking around. He saw no one. He said, "Where the fuck did
you go?"

     "Fuck you!" The voice responded.

     Mike spun around, confused now. He noticed that the door was
pulled all the way, hiding something. He grabbed it, pulling on it.
The door wasn't moving easily. That had to mean someone was behind it.
Mike said, "Alright you fucker, knock it off."

     "Eat shit!" The voice responded.

     Mike kicked the door. Sam's voice yelped out, and the door was
finally closed. "You're an asshole!" The same voice said.

     Mike looked at Sam. "Wait a minute. You didn't say anything.
What's going on, dude?"

     Sam pulled an object from his pocket that resembled a remote
control. He pushed a button. "Fuck you!" Sam laughed then.

     Mike said, "Where did you find that?"

     "One of the crew had it. They borrowed it out to me.  I was
hoping that I'd do this to either you or Bri. Man that was funny." Sam
said, showing Mike the toy.

     "I want one of those. It'd be fun." Mike said. "We could have
whole wars with one of those."

     Sam said, "I can get you one." He took from his pocket another
toy. He said, "Here, man. We'll save it for the bus this evening. I'll
talk Jo Jo into sitting behind Bri and you can sit somewhere else so
we can just have random swear words going off. It'd really rule."

     Mike smiled. He pushed a button. It said, "Eat shit!"  Mike
laughed. "Kat's not gonna like this."


     Kathy came out of the shower, toweling her dark waist long hair
dry. She asked, "Mike? You still here?"

     She was responded to very rudely. "You're an asshole."

     Kathy said, "Mike, that you? Come on, don't be mean to me."
 
     Mike stepped out of behind the wall by the bathroom.  She hadn't
turned to look that way. He pushed another button. "Fuck you."

     Kathy rolled her eyes. "Now where on earth did you get a toy like
that?"

     Mike said, "Sam. He got his from a crew member."

     Kathy sighed. "Just don't go nuts with it, okay?"

     "Okay, Kat. I won't." Mike said, smiling mischeivously at her. He
pushed another button. "Eat shit!"

     Kathy said, her voice reprimanding. "Give me or stop pushing
buttons, now."

     Mike made a dejected face. "Okay. I won't push it again."  He
pocketed it.

     Kathy walked over to the bed, sitting down to comb her hair out.
She nodded her head, watching him very carefully.  As soon as she
looked away, Mike pushed, "Fuck you!"

     Kathy glared at him. "Michael Daniel Flood, do not make me tell
you again."

     Mike sighed, "Sorry. I couldn't help it. It's just so much fun."

     Kathy smiled then. "I'm glad you're having fun, but that toy can
get very annoying."

     Mike sat down next to her, kissing her cheek. "Sam and I are
going to terrorize the bus with it for awhile. I hope you'll let me
have fun."

     "Oh alright, but please, don't play with that toy too much.  
You'll only end up driving me nuts." Kathy said, shaking her head,
then running a comb through her hair slowly.

     Mike said, "Here, let me comb that for you."

     Kathy said, "That's more like it. Better than that whole toy
thing."


     Doggett entered the office and found Scully on the phone. She
said, "Yes, we are looking into the escape of a patient from the ward
here in D.C. His name is Fox William Mulder."

     Doggett looked over at her, and placed the files down onto her
desk. He crossed his arms, taking a seat in his own chair. He would
wait for her to finish the phone conversation.
 
     Scully said, "Yes, yes. He's been an in-patient for the last ten
years. I was wondering if you could tell me if it is him who escaped.
It's a case in the F.B.I. as well. Yes, I am Agent Dana Scully."

     Doggett rolled his eyes. He knew how frustrating receptionists
could be. He signaled to take the phone from her.
 
     Scully nodded. "I'm going to let my partner speak to you."

     Doggett took the phone from her. "This is Special Agent John
Doggett from the F.B.I. I have the authorization from my A.D. to look
into this escapee. May I please have his name."

     The receptionist said, "Yes, sir. His name is Fox William Mulder.
His whereabouts are unknown at this time."

     Doggett said politely, even though his insides were chruning,
"Thank you for your time, miss." He hung up the phone.

     Scully looked at his somber face. "It's him, isn't it?"

     "'Fraid so, Dana. His whereabouts are unknown right now.  I don't
know what to tell ya." He ran a hand over his face.  "I had better
call Brian."

     Scully sighed. "We'll have to alert Skinner too. Here, you call
Brian and I'll call Skinner."

     "Good plan."

     Brian answered his phone, "Brian."

     Doggett said, "We got bad news. It was reported that earlier this
mornin', Mulduh got out of the mental hospital.  He's an escapee."

     Brian sighed. "Damn it. Alright. I'll keep an eye out for him.
What are you and Scully going to do?"

     Doggett sighed. "Dana and I are going to try and locate him
before he gets out of control and we have a major problem on our hands
like last time. I don't want to do that ever again."
 
     Brian sighed. "I hear you. Listen, will ya be kind of enough to
contact the Chicago field office for me and alert them that Mulder's
out? They'll have to keep an eye on the kids then."

     Doggett replied, "Okay. I will."

     Brian said, "I better let Sam and Jo Jo know. Damn it.  And we
just started this tour. Until we start getting threats the tour will
stay on track."

     "Okay. Listen, time's a wastin'. If you hear anythin' give me and
Dana a call. If we hear anythin', we'll be sure to inform you."
Doggett said.

     Brian said, "Thanks."


     Brian hung up the phone, making his way to Sam's room.  He
knocked and was greeted rudely with, "Fuck you!" Brian rolled his
eyes, stepping inside.

     He saw no one and he sighed. "Sam. I know you're here.  There is
something serious that you need to hear and I don't have time to play
your silly games right now."

     Rather than Sam stepping out, he heard giggling by both Jo Jo and
Sam. "You're an asshole!" More giggling.

     Brian said, "Come on guys. I'm serious."

     Sam and Jo Jo stepped out. "Fine. What is it, Bri?"

     "Mulder has escaped as of last night. Your brother is trying to
find out where he is right now before this blows up in our faces.
Don't worry. He's going to alert the Chicago office to keep the look
out so the kids will be safe."

     Sam opted to forget the toy for his next use of obscenties.  He
said, "God damn motherfucking idiot. Why couldn't he stay where the
fuck he belongs?"

     Brian said, "Calm down. Things will be alright. It's going to be
difficult, I know."

     Jo Jo sighed. "I knew something bad might happen, but I never
expected this."

     Sam picked up the lamp from the table on the dresser, throwing it
into the wall, smashing it. "God damn it! Fuck!"

     Brian sighed. "Sam, calm down. Things will be alright.  We'll
just have to be careful about what we do next. It's going to be very
tricky, but we'll make it."

     Sam sighed. "Alright man. I still don't like it. It's not good.
It's not fucking good at all. Where the fuck are Mike and Kathy
anyway?"

     Brian said, "They're in their room as far as I know."

     Sam sighed. He stomped down the hall, knocking on the door. "Open
the fucking door up."

     Mike answered, half dressed. "What the fuck do you want?  Can't
you get on without me every six seconds of the day?"

     "It's important, fucker. Mulder's escaped." Sam said, ignoring
Mike's appearance. He noticed that Kathy was wrapping herself in a
blanket.

     Mike sighed. "Shit. Are you fucking around with me?"

     "No. Bri told me. Apparently my bro called and told us."  Sam
said, lighting a cigarette. He was fidgeting again.

     Mike groaned. "There went everything fun for this tour.  God damn
it."

     Jo Jo was apprehensive. She said, "I hope the children are safe.
I'm worried about all of them now. What will happen if he gets to
them?"

     Sam hugged her. "The children will be just fine. It's going to be
alright. Sh."

     Brian said, "Well, we'll have to be on the look out.  I know it's
tough, but we'll make do. We did last time, we can this time."


     After Sam and Brian left, Mike stomped over to the bed. He said,
"Fuck. Now we got this maniac after us again. Damn it. Just when this
tour looked like it might get into the swing of things."

     Kathy held the blankets up around herself. "I'm sorry, Mike. I
wish this wouldn't have happened." She took a hand out of under the
blankets, rubbing his arm.

     Mike looked at her. "Yeah, I know. What a way to kill the mood
though. This had better not last for months on end.  I hate living on
the road longer than I have to. Imagine what poor Sam is going to do
when he can't go see his children?  It'll make him distraught."

     Kathy knew he was thinking not only of how Sam would take being
away from his children, but rather was thinking of the child they
almost had. She whispered, "Mike, it's okay.  Listen, why don't we get
dressed, ask Brian if we can get something to eat and make sure
everything is okay?"

     Mike kissed her. "Okay. Sounds like a plan to me, I guess." He
pulled his shirt over his head. It read: Evil Inside. It was a logo
rip off from the Intel Inside logo.  Kathy shook her head and smiled.

     Kathy put her clothes back on, and ran a brush through her hair.
She said, "Let's go. I promise I'll make it up to you later, okay?"

     Mike smiled. He kissed her. "Thanks."

     They walked over to Sam's room, where Sam was frantic. He was
smoking a cigarette, his hands shaking.  He sighed when he saw Mike.
"Man, what the fuck am I going to do? My brother doesn't know if that
fucker is still in D.C. What if he's on his way to get my kids?"

     Mike sat down next to him on the bed. He said, "Sam, it's going
to be alright. I know you're scared. It's totally understandable.
We've got the F.B.I. looking into this."

     "It's not like I can take the kids out on the road with me
though. It just doesn't work very well." Sam said, looking away,
flicking some ashes into the tray. He put his hand behind his neck.
"Fuck. And poor Jo Jo, she's taking a shower right now, trying to
think by herself, but I know she's torn apart by this news. She felt
that there was something wrong."

     Mike said, "It's nothing you did, trust me. Mulder figured out
how to get out." He looked away. He knew what Sam was fearing and it
made him angry.

     Kathy put her hand onto Mike's shoulder. She said, "Sam, if you
need anything, just let me know, okay?"


     Jo Jo sighed in the shower. She thought about what had happened
and she hoped that everything would work out in the end. She was
afraid of what might happen next. Her heart ached for her children to
be alright and that they would make it in time before Mulder could get
to them. That was her worst fear in her life. Losing her family.

     She washed her hair. She closed her eyes, thinking of how this
had upset Sam so. He was distraught by the news that Mulder had gotten
out. She shook her head, rinsing her hair. She had felt something bad
was going to happen.  She hadn't felt something like that in ages,
where she just knew something was wrong and for it be true.

     This was going to put a burden on everyone invovled.  She knew
that Mike and Kathy had been looking forward to using the tour as an
escape from the loss they had suffered. She felt very sorry for them.
It hurt them greatly to have lost that child. She only hoped that they
would be given a second chance.

     Jo Jo felt the hot water run on her forehead as she looked up at
it, it tickling her. She shook her head, stepping out to towel off.
This had been her worst nightmare for the past ten years, what had
happened then haunting her almost like a dark, black cloud over her
head.

     She pulled on a bathrobe, wrapping herself up in it.  Hopefully
everything would be alright and Mulder would be caught before anything
could happen to anyone on the tour or her children. She stepped out,
noticing that everyone had joined them in the room. She smiled
quietly, taking her seat in the chair so she could comb her hair.

     Sam looked over at her, his dark eyes a little troubled by her
action. She knew he would worry about her. She shook her head, trying
to reassure him it was so she could comb her hair without shaking
water onto anyone else. Sam nodded his awknowledgement.

     Mike looked a little irritated. He was staring up at the ceiling
from his laying down position on the bed. He scowled and had his arms
crossed over his chest. He had one knee raised and the other straight.
Jo Jo wondered if everything was okay. She hoped that Sam and Mike
hadn't fought while she was gone.

     The room was silent as if they were waiting for something to
happen to them and any sound would only bring that moment so much
sooner. She sighed, the first sound in the room since she had come out
of the bathroom.

     Sam jumped, startling Mike. He asked, "Are you alright, Jo Jo?"
 
     Jo Jo looked over at him. She said, "Sam, no. I was just
thinking, that's all. And this silence is killing me. Can't you at
least put some music on if we're all gonna sit here saying nothing?"

     Mike sat up, his hair falling into his face. He scowled at Jo Jo,
then sighed. He laid back down, his arms going behind his head. He
chose to remain silent.

     Jo Jo hoped that nothing else was wrong. She noticed that Kathy
was sitting across the room, in the other chair. She figured that
there wasn't enough room for everyone on the bed so she chose to sit
somewhere else.


     A little while later, Sam looked over from the bed. He noticed
that Jo Jo had fallen asleep in the chair, the comb still in her hand.
He sighed. He whispered to Mike, "She's asleep. Mind if you switch
with Jo Jo?"

     Mike shook his head. He said, "No problem. She looks tired."

     "Not used to travel yet." Sam got up, picking up Jo Jo easily. He
placed her onto the bed in the spot that Mike had just vacated. Mike
took Jo Jo's chair, lounging into it.

    Sam pulled the covers back, sliding Jo Jo underneath.  He sighed.
"I don't know what to do, Mike. I mean, we know what happened last
time I toured with that psycho after me.  Fans died. I never want that
to happen. I also know that I can't just cancel the tour right now."

     Mike sat with his legs stretched in front of himself.  He had a
hand underneath his chin. "I don't know what to tell you either. I
mean, it's not like a band member injury.  People cancel for those
very reasons. Besides, if we were to cancel and they caught Mulder
right away it'd be very difficult to pick it up again."

     Sam sighed. "I know. That's the problem."

     Brian said, "We'll go ahead with the tour, but the second
anything upsetting happens, we can the whole thing.  We'll figure it
out, okay? I know it's a little nervous, but we'll make it."

     Kathy looked over the room, then at Mike. She said quietly, "I
wasn't there in the first tour when these things first started to
happen, but I think Brian is right. If we were just to pack up and
head home right now, we'd be separated and this guy would want that. I
mean, he'd be able to target us one at a time. I, I guess I'll let you
people decide. You know more than I do."

     Mike said, "Kat's right. He wants us to separate. It'll make us
look divided and he'll be able to raise seven kinds of hell on two
fronts. To split up now would open the flood gates on that psycho. I
already don't like the fact that your brother isn't with us, Sam. It's
his wife he really wants in the end."

     Sam nodded. He lit a cigarette. "That settles it. We tour until
Mulder does something stupid and then we'll travel until he's caught
or killed like we did last time."


Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away Talking to myself
on the way to the station Pictures in my head of the final destination
All lined up (All the ones that aren't allowed to stay)  Tried to save
myself but myself keeps slipping away Tried to save a place from the
cuts and the scratches Tried to overcome the complications and the
cathches Nothing ever grows and the sun doesn't shine all day Tried to
save myself but myself keeps slipping away Tried to save myself but
myself keeps slipping away (Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor, Into the
Void, The Fragile:The Right,1999)

     Mulder was in the bus terminal in D.C. He purchased a ticket for
Chicago's bus station, hoping to be able to finally get what he had
been seeking for ten years now.  He smiled, a tune playing in his
head.

     He made his way onto the bus, taking his seat in the back, in a
somewhat hidden corner. He was trying to hide from everyone. He was
talking to himself about what he'd be doing next.

     Mulder was thinking of the final destination. He was going to
take the children away from Sam and Jo Jo Doggett.  It was their
faults as far as he was concerned and now he was going to make them
pay. He smiled.

    He was trying to find a place away from the cuts and the scratches
he had endured. Here was his chance to do just that.  He was trying to
save himself even though he kept slipping away from everything.

     He knew that it was going to be a difficult journey but he was up
to it. He was going to save himself the only way he knew how. By
destroying someone else's life.