Title: Close your eyes

Author: Jessica   ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )

Rating: PG

Category: DSR

Spoiler: None

Archive: Whereever. Just let me know where.

Feedback: I would love some. j_rothen@yahoo.se

Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles

Summary: Not given

Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to 
FOX 
and they are not mine. 

Note: English is not my first language so spelling/ 
grammar mistake may occur.



The wind blew through the room warming the bodies of
the lost souls that had made that room their home.
The room wasn't big and the ceiling was leaking. But 
she didn't care. She never noticed that. She had 
other thing to think about. For the first time in a 
long time Dana Scully was scared. Scared wasn't the 
right word. Terrified would better describe her 
feelings. 

Would she cry if I leave this earth? Would she miss 
me? I like to think so. I hope so. I have to believe 
that. I lay here on the cold floor of this old cabin 
watching her hovering over me. I can see that she's 
scared. She's trying so hard not to show me. But her 
eyes give it away. I'm not scared. I refuse to let 
fear break me. Not now, not ever. I have been in this
situation before and I have managed to pull through. 
It will not end like this. 

Fear makes my heart race in my chest. In my mind I 
can hear a voice whisper that I'm going to loose him. 
I try not to listen but I can't help it. There is so 
much blood. I try to stay calm but I can't. I'm a 
doctor. I can handle this. They will come for us. 
They will come for us. I repeat that sentence in my 
mind hoping that I can convince myself of that. 

What would I do if he would leave me? I have followed 
so many of those I love to the grave. I can't take 
another. I tried so hard not to let him inside. I 
tried to be strong. I made my wall higher, convinced 
that not even him could pierce through. But I failed. 
He managed to break through. He made me feel alive 
again. He made me smile again. Now I was aboutto 
loose him. I can feel him slipping away from me with 
every breath I'm taking. There is nothing I can do to 
stop it from happening.


Maybe it's not bad leaving this earth like this? I 
have always believed that I would go in my own bed 
when I'm old and gray. It's my fault really. I never 
saw the knife. I wasn't paying attention. We had been 
chasing this suspect when we finally ended up here in 
the middle of nowhere. He attacked me with a knife 
and I never saw it until was too late. Now I'm lying
her in his old cabbin in the middle of no man's land 
bleeding.

I know that it's getting darker. I know that they 
will not come for us. No one knows that we're out 
here. So maybe I should surrender. Maybe it's time 
for me to stop fighting. 

He looks so pale and that scares me.

- John, hold on. They will come for us.
- 
He smiles at me and I wonder if her knows that I'm 
starting to doubt that.

- We haven't got much time left.
- Yes we have. They will come. Just hold on.
- I have to tell you something.

He reaches for my hand and I try not to cry when he 
looks at me with those eyes.

- Tell me later. 
- We haven't gotten much time left.
- Don't say that.
- I have to tell you know before it's to late. I 
love you.

He loves me. Those words plays over and over in my 
head like a broken record. My mouth tries to form 
those words as a reply but I can't make it move.

I watch her face and I know that I will not hear 
those words that I have dreamt about hearing. Maybe 
it was foolish to ever believe that she could fall 
for me. It was stupid to think that I could ever fill 
up Mulder's shoes. I was and always going to be no 
one in her eyes. It's not me she loves. With that in 
my mind I close my eyes. 

He's slipping. I can feel it. His blood paints the 
floor under
him red. I'm scared. Fear has got a hold of me know. 
I struggle
to find something that I have missed. I can save him. 
I can
save him. But I know it's wrong. I can't save him. 
- Please, John you have to be strong. They will come. 
Just
hold on a little more.
He opens his eyes and looks straight into my eyes. 
- It's time for me now. It's time for me to leave 
this place.
My mind feels blurry. I can't think straight.
- Don't say that. Please, don't say that.
- I have accepted that. I know that it's time for me 
now. I
know that you will just be fine. I wish that we had 
little 
more time. But I'm not regretting anything. You're my 
friend
and I do love you. Believe me, when I say that I do 
love you.
You will never know how much.
Then he closes his eyes and I can feel his life drain 
from
his body. 
The moon shines through the broken window of the 
cottage and
keeps me company as I cradle his body in my arms. He 
has 
left me now. There in the darkness of the night I 
whisper
the words I didn't dare telling him:
- I love you.
Then I close my eyes and let the pain inside.
Welcome. 

Feedback...j_rothen@yahoo.se