"End The Struggle" (Sequel to "Won't Fear Love" and "Taking You Home" The "Something Rational" Series) by agent myers Rating: R Keywords: DSR, Angst Summary: I look up at the clock. Three minutes apart. Jesus, I'm in labor. All this time, and labor seemed like something that would never happen, but Jesus, Mary and Joseph, it has. Spoilers: Within, Without, Season 8 generally Disclaimer: They're not mine. Duh. Feedback: I live for it. Archive: Gossamer, XFMU, yes. All others please ask, I'm sure I'll say yes! Author's Notes: The long-awaited (shyeah) sequel to "Taking You Home". In this story, Mulder stays dead, and Scully is giving birth in a hospital. Recommended Listening: "Everything" By Lifehouse, "Crash" By the Dave Matthews Band End The Struggle by agent myers >Doggett POV< She loves me. She loves me not. It's a question I've asked myself many times in the last few months. One day, I think that I'm going to marry her. The next, it's colder than Kansas in January. I know that I can't go on this way. Neither can she. We've been dancing around the subject of "us" for three months, since that night we spent together. I do know one thing. She's not over him. Mulder, I mean. He's gone, probably dead, probably never coming back. But as the birth of her baby approaches us, she's had to rethink a few things. I know she's thinking that I'd be a good father, and a good husband. However, I still don't believe I'm the one she wants. It should have been you, Mulder. I know that, so does she. Fate screwed up somewhere along the way. I sit in the office alone, only half paying attention to my reports. I'm not into it. The office is freezing cold, or maybe it's just me. Dana's coming over tonight, and I'm not sure I have the strength. I used to be filled with it, the desire to make her life complete, but I've been stuck in limbo for what seems like years, and I need some resolution. I think I may tell her that tonight. *** >Scully POV< He's burned out. He doesn't have to say it, but I know he's getting tired of me. I want to tell him that I want him, that our encounter a few months ago wasn't something I regret. Maybe I'd like to settle down with him. It's certainly possible. The X-Files isn't something I want to do anymore. I want to practice medicine again, or perhaps teach at the academy. Mulder's gone, and our quest is dead. I've realized that, no matter how much of our hearts we put into finding the truth, we'll never really find it. We'll just get hurt. The real truth is what I carry in my womb, the home that I want to have, and the marriage that I long for. That's real life, and it's time I start living it. I'm a little sad. But I'll get over it. I touch my belly. There's another contraction. I've been having them off and on for days. Probably just Braxton-Hicks. I'm not due for another week, and I'm sure this baby will be late. I drink my tea. I want to commit myself to John Doggett, so why can't I? What is it that stops me? Is it Mulder? I just wish I knew that he was okay. I think that would be enough to get on with my life. Not knowing is what kills me, what stops me, I think. Ten minutes pass, and I feel another contraction. I ignore it. I know John's at work. I stare at the phone, wanting to call him. We're supposed to get together tonight. I want to, but I just feel so damn melancholy. As I take a sip of my tea, I feel a sudden pressure in my womb. I think it's another contraction coming, but then I realize that I'm drenched. Oh God. My water just broke. I pick up the phone and dial with nervous fingers. **** >Doggett POV< The phone rings and I stare at it. I don't want to answer it. Let the voice mail pick it up. But it rings again, and I decide that it may be important. So I answer with little enthusiasm. "Doggett." The first thing I hear is an exasperated breath. "John..." "Dana?" "My water broke." "What?" "My water broke..." I don't know what to say. This is the part where you spring into action, you idiot. "Are you at the hospital?" "No. Will you pick me up, please? The contractions...." She stops talking and I hear a wince on her end. She must be having a contraction. "Dana, sit tight. I'm on my way." *** >Scully POV< It seems like forever. I look up at the clock. Three minutes apart. Jesus, I'm in labor. All this time, and labor seemed like something that would never happen, but Jesus, Mary and Joseph, it has. I'm scared. Where is John?" There's a persistent knock at the door. Spooky. "Dana..." "Come in." I say. I feel like a beached whale when he comes in and sees me on the couch, reclined and seriously uncomfortable. "Where's your bag?" He asks, and I point to the bedroom. He's dressed in a suit, he looks great. He comes out with my bag and walks over to me. He smiles. "Ready?" His smile makes me smile. I take his hand and he helps me up, and I waddle to the door. Another contraction hits, and I almost go down to my knees. "Ohh...Oh, John. God, that hurts." He holds me up, realizing that we need to get to the hospital. The first stage of labor is supposed to take a long time, usually. But this baby is coming fast. We get down to the car, somehow, and John races through town. He looks over at me. "Excited?" I nod, because I find that I am. I'm going to have a baby tonight! "I am too." He says, like a father would. We get to the hospital without saying much more. John gets an orderly to bring a wheelchair, and I feel ridiculous sitting in it, but I don't want to walk anymore. Rushed, John follows me up to the fifth floor, the birthing center. I hope I get one of those nice rooms. Before I know it, I'm laying a bed, monitors strapped to my belly. John sits next to me. I suddenly forget those blues I had earlier. I'm excited that its finally time, and I'm glad that John is here. I've thought about my baby's birth for so long, and I thought that having John here would feel wrong...but it doesn't. It feels more than right, like he's the one who should be here anyway. He takes my hand as I endure another contraction. They are close together now and very painful. I don't want the epidural, probably won't have time anyway. The nurses come in to check on me, and take note of my dilation. She's a large black woman with a deep voice. I think John's scared of her. John doesn't turn away while they check me, and I feel good about this. Closeness that he's sharing this birth with me, every step of the way. "Okay," the nurse says. "You're ready to go here, Miss Scully. I'll get the doctor." She turns to leave, but then sees John. "You're the husband? C'mon, we've got to get you into scrubs." She grabs his arm and pulls him out of the room before he has a chance to tell her that he's not the husband. I don't want him to say it anyway. A few minutes later he comes back, dressed in sterile clothing. "I'll say one thing," he says with a grin, "these sure are comfortable. I hope they let me keep 'em." I laugh, despite the monster contraction I'm having. I take his hand, telling him that I need him. I suddenly realize that I can't do this alone. He grips my hand firmly as I wince at another contraction. I'm starting to sweat. "Breathe..." he says as I bear through it. The contraction ends, and I take slow, deep breaths. I look up at him. "God, I'm glad you're here." "Me too." He says simply. Another one hits me, hard. I scream out a little. "Breathe, Dana..." he says. "I'm scared, John. I'm scared to give birth." He smiles. "You'll do fine. You're Dana Katherine Scully. Tough as nails." I smile as I breathe, in and out. In and out. In and out. The doctor walks in, calm as most obstetricians are, and gives me a hearty smile. He says hello to me and my "husband". He says a few things to me about epidurals, episiotomies and the like, but I can't really hear him. I just nod and tell him to do...whatever. Just get this baby out of me! John's almost laughing. I shoot him a look, and he can't stop that damned laughing. I guess the humor is so genuinely heart-felt that he's willing to risk his life on it. Another contraction comes, and I forget I'm mad at John, and squeeze his hand. "Breathe, Dana..." He says gently. "What the hell do you think I'm doing?!" I scream. John wants to laugh again, I can see his lips trembling, trying to keep it inside. "I'm sorry." I say. I am. Sort of. The doctor tells me to go ahead and push now, and I'm relieved to hear it. I've wanted to push for thirty minutes. I bear down with all my might. I can see my reflection in the mirror over by the sink. My face is red and screwed up, my hair is clinging to my face from all the sweat. My knees are practically in my armpits. "One, two, three, four..." I realize that John's holding one of my legs up. I thought this would be embarrassing, but now I realize that feeling that way would be stupid. I realize that giving birth is hard work (probably why they call it labor), and that it's a job that needs to get done. It's nature, and it's sweaty and bloody and there's lots of grunting, but now just isn't the time for modesty. "...four, five, six, seven, eight..." I feel pressure like I've never felt before. It hurts, and it feels strange. Actually, it feels kind of like a big bowel movement, but I try and put that thought out of my head. Jesus, are we to ten yet? "...nine, ten!" John finishes counting and I fall back against the pillow, breathing hard, my face all red. I feel his hand against my cheek. "You're doing great, Dana." I smile for a second, and then he lets me know it's time to go again. Okay. Okay, here I go. "One, two, three, four..." Five minutes later, I want to give up. I don't want to be pregnant anymore! I don't want to be here, in this much pain, for another second! I look at John with pleading eyes. Please stop this! He just keeps counting. No. Can't think negatively. Think about the baby. You've been waiting to see him for nine months. Think of all you've been through! I'm filled with determination. I push hard, and I think I'm going to split in half. I don't care. I push as hard as I can, vowing that this baby come out now! "Okay! The head's out! You're doing great, Dana." The doctor says to me. The head's out! I rest for a moment. "Wanna have a look?" The doctor says to John. He looks at me, a little bit of fear in his eye. I nod. He stares between my legs a little shyly. But, then he sees...his mouth drops open. His eyes get big. There's wonder in them. "Wow." He says, looking up at me. I can't help it. Tears slip out of my eyes, when I realize that I'm going to see my baby in a few minutes. I'm going to hold him. I shut my eyes tight, thinking of it. "Okay, Dana. This is it. Give me all you've got." The doctor says, reminding me of some NFL coach. I push again, and John is right there next to me, holding my hand. I feel the baby coming out. "Push, Dana!" the doctor shouts. I bear down with all my might, leaning forward. I open my mouth and a long, painful, powerful cry comes out. And then, the doctor's holding my baby in his arms. "It's a boy!" My son cries. I choke and start to sob from exhaustion, happiness and relief. They take him away for a moment, cleaning him up. I'm bawling when I look over at John. He has the most sentimental look in his eyes, and there are tears in them. I suppose this is a bittersweet moment for him. He takes my hand and squeezes it, and then drops a kiss on my forehead. About that time a nurse lays my son on my chest, all clean and wrapped. With a shock, I think...this is the happiest day of my life. *** >Doggett POV< God, she's beautiful. And so is he. I can't help but think of the day my son was born as I look at him, now calm in his mother's arms. It's a miracle. I'm grinning from ear to ear as I watch mother and child, but I can't help but feel a little envy. Envy, because he's not mine, but by God, I'll be his daddy if she will let me. We haven't discussed it, though it's been weighing heavy on my mind these last couple of months. I know she can do it alone...she's strong like that. But I also know that she doesn't want to. "He's so beautiful..." she murmurs, looking down at him like the precious angel he is. "He is..." She holds him closer to me, so that I can peer down at him. "Have you thought of a name, yet?" She nods. "I'm going to call him Michael." I grin and put my finger into his hand. "Nice to meet you, Mikey." Michael grabs onto my finger with one heck of a powerful grip. Then he opens his mouth wide and yawns. I thought the smile on my face couldn't get any bigger, but it has. I look up, and Scully's looking at me with such admiration. Tears are forming in her eyes again. She holds him again to her chest, and kisses his nose. "He's going to need a Daddy." She says. I look up at her. She looks at me. "So...do I need to fill out an application, or what?" I say, trying not to break down and cry with joy. She shakes her head, almost laughing. "No, you've already got the job...if you want it." I nod my head. "More than anything." *** >Scully POV< I'm standing around the corner, peeking into the baby's room. John is changing Michael, but he doesn't know I'm watching. He's so good with him. I crack a smile as he starts talking to him about NASCAR and fishing and how he's going to take him one day. He changes the diaper like a pro, and has since the day we brought him home, four months ago. A month after Michael was born, I moved in with John. Next week I'm going back to work, teaching at the academy. And I realize, I have everything I want. Life is complete, with the exception of one thing. I look at my ring finger and try to imagine a simple, shiny band around it. It didn't take me long to figure out that John was the right one for me. I don't regret the things that happened with Mulder...they were all life's little lessons. When they found his body a month ago, I was heartbroken. It's a pain that I will carry with me forever, for all the tragedies that we endured together, and for all the things that Mulder will never be able to experience. But I can remember the good times as well, and there were plenty of them. And I can go on. Someday, I'll tell Michael that his father was a wonderful person, whose life ended all too soon. John comes out of the baby's room, bouncing him up and down. Then he sees me. "Spying on me?" I nod, smiling. "This is the boy's club...no girls allowed." He says, and pretends like he's going to shut the door on me. Then he smiles and kisses me. "I think it's lunchtime little Mikey..." he says to my son. And bounds down the stairs to the kitchen. I stand in the hallway and listen to the sound of John's voice, the way he talks to my son. Like a proud father. I laugh and walk down the stairs to join them. Life is good. ~end