Title: Enjoy the Silence
Author: T h r e a d s
Category: DSR, Slight DA, SHODDS Challenge
Rating: PG
Contact: ghost_inthe_threads@hotmail.com
Home: Gunn'2 --> http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/threads/gunn2/
Distro. Statement: Post it anywhere, I don't care. Let me know if
you want.
Summary: A SHODDS challenge- Doggett and Scully's first kiss.
Comments: Again, lazy. Took title from a Depeche Mode song; an amazing
piece, love the chorus- and God, do I adore the lead's voice ^.^
I think this is also the third time I changed the title too >_<
When a / is used, it's to imply italics.
Disclaimers: The X-files isn't mine, but I wish it were.

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Enjoy the Silence
cMMI Threads

"All I ever wanted,
All I ever needed,
Is here in my arms.
Words are very unnecessary,
They can only do harm."
~ Depeche Mode, Enjoy the Silence

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It was dark out.

The car engine was a secondary noise.

As was the sound of wheels on the highway that led back to
Washington DC.

Agent Doggett leaned back into the car seat, his hands gripped
the steering wheel with relaxation. His blue eyes gazed off into
infinity, but he dared not sleep; they eyed the storm clouds
veiled in the darkness that night brought. Only blackness before
him... sometimes illuminated when lightning struck a distant
point.

Agent Scully sat next to him in the car. He didn't want to speak
to her. He didn't know if she was sleeping. he didn't want to
wake her.

The car rolled smoothly, weaving past others going home... what
else would you be doing in a car at 2 am in the morning?

He passed under a bridge of darkness, an underpass, and
unconsciously read road signs as he exited and drove past.

Car noises faded out, and blended together. Molding to something,
but something that dimmed like other sounds. One noise everything
formed to, one sound to discard. One sound to ignore.

The only noise he heard was the sound of his breathing.

In and out.

And that of Agent Scully's gentle breath.

Lightning flashed and he passed under another overpass.

He liked driving during the day. They would always talk, or at
least try too. Sometimes Agent Scully would drive if she wanted
to.

It was at night when the two fell silent. The night reminded them
of things that shouldn't be, perhaps.

It did for John.

It was always the same way. John drives, Agent Scully looks out
the window, the other way. until sleep wraps its hand around her,
and her eyes fall... and he hears her breath.

In and out.

Thunder rolled in the distance. John had heard it and enjoyed it
for that moment.

Agent Scully stirred next to him.

He looked at her briefly- his eyes giving a soft expression. One
should never linger... John could never linger.

She ran a tired hand over he face, and moaned as she turned to
him.

"What time is it?" She mumbled; her mouth filled with fatigue.

John looked at his watch quickly.

"It's 2:13 ... good morning, Agent Scully."

"Where are we?" She continued, ignoring his greeting.

"Just outside of DC. We should be home in about 45 minutes." He
replied; his eyes stuck to the road.

To the storm beyond him.

"You made record time." She said giving a big yawn.

John nodded.

"It's nice that we were able to wrap this case up. I have to
admit, Agent Scully, at the beginning; I didn't think this would
go anywhere; that we had been called out to Vermont for nothing."

"Get used to it, Agent Doggett."

He nodded again. His eyes uncomfortably fixed on the road ahead.

"How long did it take you to get used to it, Agent Scully?"

"Quite a while, actually. Probably too long."

"Oh." He said in a quiet voice. "I figured, working with Agent
Mulder and all, it would have come quickly."

"No, I was stubborn to the bitter end."

"The bitter end? You mean it wasn't till after his disappearance?"

He caught Scully swallow sharply from the corner of his eye. An
empathetic eye could see the emotional memories and experiences
of hers and Mulder's begin to flow back into the conscious of her
mind and stir live ones best left shelved.

"I'd rather not talk about this..."

"I'm sorry... Agent Scully." He replied, clenching his jaw. "I
didn't mean to be insensitive, I was just..." He trailed.

John gripped the steering wheel tightly as turned onto the off
ramp. How could he have said something so stupid? Mulder had been
buried for a month now, this was their first out-of-state field
case since then. He knew how emotionally sensitive she was right
now, he wasn't even sure if she should have been on the case with
him now.

But he was just so desperate to talk to her. To connect on
anything. Sometimes he was so afraid to talk to her, that any
word out of his mouth would be a betrayal to his heart.

He couldn't even look at her most times. His eyes would say it
all; he knew it.

He didn't deserve to anyway.

But was it only his heart that would be betrayed, perhaps it was
only lust for Agent Scully that blinded him so.

He stole a half-second glance of her.

Her arm was propped against the window frame; an upset feature
creased her face.

"I'm sorry..." He said in a low voice. He wasn't sure she would
hear it or not.

Scully did not respond. The silence did instead.

Agent Doggett slowed a little to let a sports car pass. He could
still see the faded effects of the storm off to the horizon.

The only thing he heard was his breath, and Agent Scully's.

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Darkness still encrusted the world to night as John pulled up to
the curb next to Agent Scully's apartment building.

"We're here." He mumbled as he pulled the keys from the ignition.
"I'll help you with your bags, Agent Scully."

He wasn't sure if he she nodded, but he went to the trunk
regardless and pulled a large duffel bag and suit from within.

He followed her through the entrance, the hallway, to her door.
She was silent the whole way. The only thing that spoke to him
was the fatigue in her walk, and the wave of her hair.

Anxiety crawled over him like spiders. He hated to see her upset
like this, but he hated it more that he was the one that had
caused it. He could never comfort her because of that. Still...
he never felt it his place to be there for her, to be the one for
her.

He was the villain. Mulder was the hero.

John would always lose to a dead man.

She unlocked her door and stepped in. She walked past the couch,
dropping her purse as she did, and then into the kitchen.

John hesitated for a moment, but passed over the threshold and
tentatively into her world.

"Agent Scully, where would you like me to put these?" He called
to her. "I'll just leave them on the couch if that's alright."

He laid them gently where he said they would be when she didn't
call back to him.

He sighed heavily, wishing it hadn't come to this, and slowly
walked towards the kitchen.

"I should be getting home, Agent Scully, or are you not well?"

He stepped in and saw her reaching for the cupboard, removing a
tall glass. She noticed him, but didn't say a word.

"Agent Scully, I'm sorry for mentioning him in the car, if that's
what you're upset about."

Scully stopped as she laid a hand on the refrigerator door. Her
shoulders slumped. Agent Doggett looked at his feet.

"I'm sorry, Agent Doggett. I shouldn't be this sensitive about
it. I'm sorry for taking it out on you... I'm just tired, and
thirsty..."

"No, it's my fault." He replied, taking a step forward. "I just
wasn't thinking. This isn't something you can get over in a day;
I'd be worried if you did, you owe Mulder much more than a day."

She nodded slowly. Stings of hair fell into her eyes.

"I just don't think I'll ever get used to it. That he's dead."
She continued. He could hear the emotional struggle in her voice.
"First he was missing... but that was okay because there was
still hope that he would come home alive and healthy, but that
hope is gone now."

John didn't say anything. He didn't know what to. Her shear lack
of happiness and hope left him speechless. He watched her eyes to
see if they would break, if he should take those four steps to
the refrigerator and be there for her.

But he also watched those blue eyes with hunger.

Instead she breathed in sharply, blinked twice and the moment was
past.

"Would you like anything to drink, Agent Doggett?"

John only stood there dumbly, looking at her. Senses only passed
though him in the number two.

Two thoughts.

/Could he win to a dead man?/

/God, she looks so beautiful.../

Two sounds.

Her breath.

And his.

She tilted her head to the side slightly as he stepped slowly
towards her. Behind the crystalline shade of her eyes was a
hollow one that needed to be filled.

As he moved, he allowed himself the luxury to look at her; he
swallowed the fear and his shame for that moment. And the one the
followed.

He stepped in front of her- too close for two Agents to be.

Her back pressed tightly against the refrigerator, but she did
not push away, or speak.

He brought a hand to her jaw, and stroked it gently,
affectionately.

Still, she said nothing. Only her eyes spoke to him. A hint of
curiosity now lay behind them.

"I'm sorry..." He whispered as his fingers slid down to the end of
her chin, tilting it up to him.

He leaned down and brought his lips to her. He kissed her slowly,
but also awkwardly. He was so afraid.

Terrified of what she would do and what she wouldn't.

How everything would change because of this.

Because of his selfishness.

Because he had lost to a dead man.

He pulled away, but only millimeters from her lips.

"I'm /so/ sorry..." He whispered.

John backed up slowly; eyes cast with dishonor and humiliation,
and walked quietly from the apartment.

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John's left hand scratched across a file folder as he put the
finishing touches on his case report.

He and Agent Scully had taken the day after they had arrived off.
They had gotten in too late to any use at work.

He had arrived early- as much as he hated it, he wanted to get
most of the X-File oriented paperwork done before Agent Scully
came in for the morning.

It was his fault- that it had come to this. He felt too much shame
to face Agent Scully right now, especially how he had taken
advantage of her like that.

He hated that most of all.

He heard the knocking of high heels against the tiled floor and
remembered the he must also suffer for his mistakes.

Agent Scully walked in and threw her coat on the rack.

"Sorry I'm late." She said, avoiding his eyes. "I got caught
upstairs with something."

"Don't worry," John replied, eyes frozen on the completed file.
"I came in early today so it balances out in the end."

He heard Scully shuffle about around him as he dropped his pen
back into the desk drawer.

"I'm going upstairs, I have to hand this in." He said to Scully,
holding up the folder as proof of his escape route.

"I have to go up again, I'll take it." Scully said, stepping to
the front of his desk, taking it.

"Thanks." He replied.

Scully moved for the door. Today she wore a black suit coat and a
short skirt. Pantyhose shaded her legs a dark gray, and the length
of her heels gave her the erect posture of a dancer.

His eyes followed her as she left, but she stopped suddenly at the
door and turned.

"Don't be." She said.

"Don' t be." John repeated, still seated at the desk.

Scully met his eyes suddenly, and held them tightly.

"Sorry."

"Sorry." He repeated.

"/So/ sorry." She added still holding his look.

Before John could react, she spun again on her heel and left the
room.

As the sound of her shoes made their way to the elevator, the only
two things he once had heard blended to one. Her breath and his.

It blended; then faded to white noise.

The storm was gone too, replaced with an empty doorframe.

But his question had been answered, and he enjoyed the silence.

The End

Be kind. Rewind.