TITLE: Guardian Angel  
AUTHOR: la_gatta_bianca  
GENRE: X-Files  
PAIRING: Doggett/Scully  
RATING: PG-13  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters yadayadayada  
WHAT'S IT ABOUT? Via Negativa – the hospital scene; 
when Doggett is standing outside Scully's room and quietly 
observes her. (FPP = First Person Perspective)  
BETA: nope…  
WORDS: 592  
 
It's dark inside of her room yet I know I can see her. She can't 
see me; she's asleep. She needs to rest. She'll get over it. I 
haven't spoken to the doctors yet. I'm afraid to do so because I 
don't want to dig into her personal affairs. Wait, let me 
rephrase that. 
 
Somehow I want to find out more about her current situation 
even if this implies that I'm crossing the line. I'm worried. 
Can't a man be worried?  
 
Just look at her. So peaceful. So pretty, too. What the devil did 
she see in this Mulder guy? If only I could tell her what I 
really feel. If only she knew that I haven't felt this kind of 
thing for a woman since I met my wife (whom I haven't seen 
in ages and strangely enough I don't care about her anymore).  
 
A few rays of articifial light sneak into the room and seemed 
to illuminate her face, the sheets that cover her body. I can't 
help wondering what's wrong. That same question keeps 
spinning around in my head. And even if I knew, would there 
be anything I could do to help her?  
 
Time seems to slow down. Seconds become minutes, minutes 
become hours; and I don't move. I can't move, I don't want to 
either. I have this crazy idea that as long as I'm standing here, 
almost guard-like, that she'll be just fine. Nothing will happen 
to her. I won't allow it. She doesn't know that, but one day I'll 
tell her everything. I pray that the day will come soon. You 
never know what happens. After all, I still don't have clue as 
to why she's here. I can tell that it's serious, and it is tearing at 
my soul.  
 
As if it's not hard enough to have to remain cool and pretend 
that you're just friends – just partners doing a job – well, as if 
that's not worse enough, there's still the fact that the X-Files 
are almost a synonym for crazy life-threatening events. Ever 
since I said 'yes' my life has changed. Oh sure, it brought me 
closer to her. That's one of the reasons why I was so eager to 
stay. She captured my heart. She doesn't know the power she 
has over me. I'd be willing to die for this woman. But not 
before I've told her the truth.  
 
I hope that God grants me that one moment. I don't know 
what will happen after that, we'll have to wait and see.  
 
Many nights I have dreamed of her. Of us. Sometimes I would 
wake up feeling aroused, there would be an uncomfortable 
throbbing in my abdomen and something hot and sticky inside 
my boxers. I always felt miserable after such a dream. As if 
sex is a sin. As if sex with her is out of bounds.  
At other times the dreams would be more innocent; I would 
imagine us as a regular family. A happy family. No worries, 
no FBI, no X-Files. Too good to be true, of course. If the other 
dream caused physical pleasure, then this one not only caused 
physical pain (my eyes would be red, swollen and hurt from 
all the crying) but also seemed to take a large chunk out of my 
soul.  
 
And now, I'm musing about her again. Only this time around 
I'm wide awake.  
 
Finally, after what must have been eternity or longer, I turn 
around and slowly pace back to the elevator. Goodbye, sweet 
muse. May the angels watch over you.  
 
**the end**  
 
Abyssinia