Title: How Early Author: Jamma Date: November 25, 2005 Rating: PG Category: DSR, ficlet Spoilers: "Via Negativa" Disclaimer: All X-Files characters belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. Summary: How early is too early to know you've fallen in love? Doggett POV Author's Note: In response to the 2005 DSR/FRR Awareness Month "Via Negativa" ficlet challenge. * How early is too early to know you've fallen in love? I find myself asking this question at many points in a day, multiple times in a week, more times than I can count since I've met her. I haven't known her for a long time. We're only beginning to work well together. She's only starting to accept me and trust me, look at me as a partner and not the man who has come to replace her partner. Our relationship is slowly starting to build, progress, enhance our working experience... yet I am well aware that I have fallen madly, deeply, absolutely whole-heartedly in love with this woman. This Dana Katherine Scully, this woman who had doused me with the water from which she had sipped, this woman who had given me the coldest shoulder I have ever experienced in my time in the Bureau, this woman who is slowly finding a place to fit me in her life, is the woman who has captured my heart without warning. These thoughts - thoughts of her, of my out-of-the-blue feelings of love for her - are the thoughts that loop through my mind as I drift off to sleep each night and awaken groggily for a new day. I can't think of a calmer face, a more beautiful person, a sweeter image to think of than her before my body encompasses a well-needed rest. I usually allow my thoughts to take me away, almost as if picturing an alternate universe where we are together, happy and extremely in love, husband and wife - anything and everything to show the world that she is mine and I am forever hers. These are the thoughts that soothe the turmoil within me, the disorder and unease created from everything I've experienced and have yet to experience as her partner in the x-files. Thoughts and imaginings of her are what I conjure in the night so that I am well-rested in the morning. How early is too early to know you've fallen in love? I have no answer for such a question. All I know is that when my phone rings and her voice is the sound I hear when I answer, my heart beat speeds beyond my control, my hands begin to shake slightly, my breath quickens and I am fully awake. She's talking to me, and all I can think about is how much I wish that voice was next to me, the warmth of its owner at my side, my arms protectively surrounding her, creating a private haven made for us and no one else. She's telling me about a case, a case with which she cannot assist me and though I am a little downed by that, her promise to see me as soon as she can lifts me. How early is too early to know you've fallen in love? I am not sure. Thoughts of her were running through my mind at various points during the day, but I tried to quell them in order to focus more on the case. This case is draining me, leaving me with more questions than answers, more mixed feelings than I can control. I felt myself go numb as I watched that man lower his head to that spinning saw - his warm, dark blood splattering the skin of my face, the cloth of my suit. All I could do was watch. I watch as he is wheeled away and I watch as the nurse approaches me, hands me a clipboard, and tells me I need to sign him in. Just as I am about to do so, a name catches my eye. I flip the page of the clipboard, finding the name most familiar to me. Her handwriting is neat, delicate, clear and precise. I read her symptoms and search for her room. I need to see her, make sure she is all right. When I approach her room, she is asleep and her expression makes me catch my breath. Beautiful, soft, gentle and vulnerable - so relaxed is she, her slumber making her look years younger. I want to go to her, climb in next to her and make the pain go away. I want to cuddle her next to me, place my hand on the softness of her abdomen and whisper promises of how I will do everything in my power to make sure she is safe. I want to show her how much I care for her, need her, love her. Instead, I stare. I look at her through the glass of the door and respect the fact that she is unaware of my feelings, and would be put-off if I should do more than admire her beauty from a distance. How early is too early to know you've fallen in love? The answer holds none of my interest. All I know is that when I am awakened by her, and look up into the most beautiful, cerulean blue eyes I have ever seen, I am positive that this woman is forever the owner of my heart. It does not matter if it is too early, too soon to feel this way about her; I feel it, regardless. It does not matter if she currently feels differently about me; in time, that may change. For now, I am more positive than I have ever been that I am in love. * The End