Title: Kissing You
Author: Luz
Date: March 2, 2002
Rating: PG 
Keywords: Some D/R interaction Scully Angst Definitely
DSR
Spoilers: Not much, it's pretty safe to read
Summary: Remember that talk we had a while ago, about
a D/R kiss and how would Scully react?, well, i got
tired of waiting for someone to write it for me, so i
did it. 
Disclaimer: Sure, they are mine, no wait!, now that i
think about it, they aren't. A crackboy, a birthday
and a company with some animal's name are the guilty
parties.
Feedback: Go ahead if you want to, to arthurdales2000@yahoo.com


This goes to my SHODDsisters, funny, seven years and i
never felt the need, a couple months with you and
puff! i have a muse sitting on my shoulder telling me
a DSR needed to be written.


Kissing You


It happened that afternoon, she had gone down to the
basement to give him the results of some tests she had
helped them with for some case she didn't remember and
she didn't care for anymore.

Distracted by going over some details of the case she
hadn't bothered to knock and make her presence known,
which had given her the chance to have a "privileged"
view of John Doggett interlocked in a passionate kiss
with no other than his partner special agent Reyes.
Dana Scully was an angry woman, she was angry at John
for kissing Monica, she was angry at Monica for
kissing him, and most of all she was angry at herself
because she knew she had no claim, no right to be
angry with any of them, and that only made her
angrier.

What the heck was happening here?, after all she was
the one who had drawn the lines in her relationship
with agent Doggett, she had seen a look that resembled
desire in his eyes many times, felt in his touch how
much he cared, and even gone as far as thinking that
maybe he held feelings for her deeper than the respect
one agent feels for a colleague, or the caring he had
displayed many times. She had once thought he might
have fallen for her, so she had done everything in her
power to make sure to kill any hope he could possibly
have for anything but a friendly professional
relationship.

So why did it affect her so much?, she should be happy
to see he had finally moved on, and Monica was clearly
interested in him, she had seen it too. Jesus!, what
was happening with her?.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft knocking, and
an "are you there agent Scully?", by a very familiar
voice coming from exactly the last person she wanted
to talk to right now, or ever. Why did he have to have
such a beautifully, hoarse and sensual voice?. It
seemed unfair, all her work, all her efforts to erase
any trace of her feelings for him had been definitely
destroyed by one fateful and ill timed moment of
distraction. She had not been prepared to see that
kiss, her heart had not been ready for her to see him
in the arms of another, ha!,as if he had ever been in
hers. It was unfair!, that she had given up something
she had never even had the chance to taste if only for
a second, and now she would never know what she had
missed because there was someone who was more clever
than her, someone who had been intelligent enough to
know what a treasure that man was, and had had the
guts to go after him.

Another and this time worried, "agent Scully?",
brought her out of her reverie, she tried to compose
herself before answering, she didn't want him to
suspect something was wrong, after a couple seconds
she forced herself to open the door and face him,
"yes... agent Doggett, were you looking for me?", "we
were waiting for you at the office", "and when you
didn't show up i decided to come see if maybe you had
forgotten our meeting", when she didn't inmediately
respond he asked again in that same tone, with the
furrowed brow, and those eyes that seemed to see
through her to her very soul, "are you okay agent
Scully?". She hated it when he did that, worry, she
hated it because at those moments it was harder to
deny how very good this man was, and how easy it would
be to let go of all her self imposed rules, and
abstinence, to just say, "to hell with it", and take
him right there and right then.

She was not okay, and she didn't even have the energy
to lie to him, to use her "i'm fine" mantra, so she
did what she always did when she was scared and hurt,
she hid behind her "special agent" persona, she was
strong, and she would lick her wounds in private, and
then she would go back to pretending she didn't care
for him more than she would care for any other agent,
but first she had to get rid of him.

"I'm okay agent Doggett, just a little tired", "here
i've got the results", "sorry i couldn't get them to
you earlier", "but things have been hectic around here
and i didn't have the time to go to the basement", "do
you need anything else?". 

When she finished he still had that damned worried
gaze, "why are you crying?" he said while carefully
removing the rebellious tear that had scaped her
tightly and carefully hidden emotions, she hadn't
realized, in her hurry to get him out of there, and
she was so consumed by her turmoil that she didn't
feel the lonely tear.

His looks she could take, even his closeness, but
feeling his touch after such a long period of
starvation proved to be too much for her.

In a whisper she confessed, "i saw you with her". At
first he didn't seem to understand her, but after a
moment he put two and two together and found the
reason for her strange mood, all he could get out was
a surprised "oh!". He was such an "eloquent" man,
strange as it was it made her chuckle, he was so
Doggett. She didn't know how else to describe him, so
noble, so inherently good and giving, so expresive and
at the same time so quietly wonderful, "i really have
it bad" she said to herself, and that brought another
chuckle. Now he really was confused, she had to admit,
he was adorable when he was trying to figure something
out.

He was taking turns between looking at the floor and
looking at her, and then looking at the floor again.
When he gathered the courage to talk, he broke her
heart again, this time with the sadness in his crystal
blue eyes, "i thought you didn't care", and then he
shrugged his shoulders.

"Why were you kissing her?", she really wanted to
know, he answered in a angry tone that took her by
surprise given the sadness she had witnessed just
seconds before, "why do you care?". 

Unprepared to face that unrecognizable tone coming
from a voice she loved so much, and from a man who was
usually so nice to her, she just turned feigning
disinterest, trying to uselessly salvage some of her
pride she said in what she hoped was a curting voice,
"you're right, what do i care?".

When no answer came from him she looked over her
shoulder only to see him going for the door. Feeling
how her last chance slipped through her fingers and
knowing perfectly well there was nothing left to lose
for her she sent her pride to the hell, in the end
pride wouldn't love her back. "I didn't know it would
hurt so much", by now the tears she had tried keep at
bay so valiantly were freely flowing. "I didn't know
you cared", he explained "she was the one who
initiated it, it just took me by surprise". After
hearing this delivered in his again gentle voice she
dared to rise her face and saw how his eyes were
focused on her, he was getting closer, if she had
thought his eyes were powerful before, now he seemed
to be hiding nothing, she had thought she had seen his
love, but the intensity in his gaze had multiplied
now, making her feel impossibly warm, and making her
fall in love with him a thousand times more. 

"I wasn't kissing her back", coming close to her he
brought an incredibly tender hand to her face, while
the other went to the back of her neck, he dried her
tears, caressing her, her cheeks, her mouth, her hair,
he was loving her with his hands, he brought his mouth
to her ear his breathing sending a thrill through her
already trembling body, "my heart doesn't want to give
itself to anybody but you". Taking her in his arms he
brought his lips down to hers in a kiss that
electrified her body, and finished melting the last
barriers of her carefully built fortress. She had been
a fool to try and deny this love, this second chance
for happiness destiny had given her, but she would
never try such an stupid move again.

When their lips had parted in that raspy voice that
could crumble the strongest resolve he said, taking
possession of a heart that had been his from the
beginning even if she had so stubbornly tried to be
blind to the truth, "but now i'm kissing you". With
his eyes he professed his love, and she gladly admitted
defeat, and surrendered to the irrepressible urge of
loving him back. A kiss had opened her eyes, and this
kiss had claimed her heart.

END