Title: My Obligation: Scully (3/3)
Rating: PG
Category: V, A, Scully POV, slight MSR, DSF
Spoilers: Existence, Dreamland I
Archive: Ask me first, please.
Disclaimer: They aren't mine. Never will be.
Author's Notes: This is my way of explaining Mulder's absence next season.
No beta-reader here. All mistakes are mine.
On with the show.
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I should have known that it was too good to last--the bliss I felt when Mulder 
and I finally let our true feelings show. Nothing ever works out for me--well, 
except for William, and that almost didn't. I guess God decided to let me have 
what I wanted for once. William is my angel.
I'm trying not to cry, but that can't be helped. As I read and re-read Mulder's 
note, it finally sinks in. He's gone again, and he doesn't know when he'll be 
back. I tell myself that if he can come back from the dead, he'll be okay--I 
shouldn't worry. This does nothing to help me. He says that he loves me and 
William, and what he is going to do is for us. I believe him. I just wish that he 
hadn't gone. 
I was looking forward to a semi-normal life. Mulder and I, living happily with 
William, not worried about the X-Files any longer--two normal parents living 
normal lives with their normal child. I really should have known better. I 
remember when I asked Mulder if he ever wanted a normal life--if he ever 
wanted to get out of the damn car and live. He told me that our lives were 
normal--why didn't I know better?
At least I know that I can handle this--I've done it before. I just didn't have my 
little J. Edgar to take care of then. I smile slightly--I remember when Agent 
Doggett called William that. I consider calling him for a millisecond, but change 
my mind--what can he do about this? Absolutely nothing. That's all I can do, 
too--nothing.
I begin to sob--oh, Mulder--why did you have to leave me? Especially now--a 
week after you let me know how you felt--this isn't fair. Damn you, Mulder. 
I hear William crying--my sobbing must have woken him. I wipe my tears and 
vow to be strong for my son--I have to. 
As he feeds, I wonder if Mulder told Skinner about this. I hope so, because I 
don't want to explain it. Maybe I'll just show him the note so I won't have to 
deal with it. I go to the phone to call him, but it rings before I can dial. 
It's Doggett. He wants to know how we're doing. Instead of my usual "I'm fine" 
answer, I begin to cry again. He tells me that he's on his way over here, so I 
should stay put. God, are you sending me another angel? Someone to take care 
of me now? I certainly hope so. Even though I can do it on my own, I don't want 
to. The man I wanted to raise William with has left, leaving me all alone. I 
wonder if this is how Doggett feels. I wonder if this is how Mulder felt. I should 
stop thinking about Mulder--all it does is make me cry. 
My William has fallen asleep. As I put him down in his bed, I gaze at him and 
thank God once again for the miracle he gave me. I'll take care of him, God, I 
promise. I'll make sure nothing ever happens to him, even if I have to do it 
alone. I'll do it because it is something I have to do. 
Fini