TITLE: Now that’s an Ending I Can Live With AUTHOR: coolbyrne CLASSIFICATION: DSR RATING: PG SPOILERS: None, yet. Though if there’s a god, I’ll get to see some of this in the finale. While blue is a good colour on me, I’m not holding my breath. DISCLAIMER: Don’t even get me started on what I’d do if I were CC. DISTRIBUTION: Hey, if you want it, feel free. ‘Cuz it IS free. FEEDBACK: Constructive criticism/compliments gratefully accepted- fugitive@ihateclowns.com. Flames gleefully mocked in other forums. SUMMARY: A moment of wishful thinking on the author’s part, in regards to the series finale. AUTHOR’S NOTES: Just a little dream of mine before CC comes along in May and bursts my bubble with a shot of unswallowable pap. I refrained from gagging during “Trust No 1” long enough to pick up the cloying tone of Mulder and Scully’s emails to each other. In an attempt to keep in line with CC’s precedent, I’ve done my best to replicate that tone and Scully’s subsequent 14-yr old-like reactions. It’s only for a page, though. I tried to make it better after that, I promise. Once the whirring of her computer gave Scully her cue, she logged in her name and password and waited for her mailbox to appear. Scrolling past 3 spams and an email from her brother, she clicked the name she had been waiting to see. TrustNo1. “Dana, It’s been a long time, I know. It seems out time together grows further and further apart. You were right. The forces that seem to conspire against us are relentless. Even these communications, as careful as we try, are a danger to us both. But more importantly, a danger to you. And to William. I can’t allow that to happen; I can’t allow anything to happen to either of you. This has to stop, Dana. Until I can truly find the answers, the truth that seems to forever elude us, we have to stop all contact. It kills me to say this to you, but you know it’s the truth. As long as they’re out there, we will never be safe. One day, Dana. One day, all this will be over. I promise. Don’t forget me. Don’t let William forget me. Yours, F.” She re-read the screen and re-read it again, each time the disbelief magnifying. “This can’t be,” she said, stunned. Clicking on “reply,” she quickly typed out a response, her fingers tumbling over the keys. Once finished, she dragged the mouse over to “send.” But even then, deep down, a part of her knew. Through her tears, she could barely read the words, “Mail returned. Mail recipient unknown.” “This can’t be,” she repeated to no one. She wasn’t sure how long the knocking had been coming from the other side of her apartment door. Her reverie broken, she pushed away from her computer and made her way across the room. Standing slightly on tiptoes to look through her peephole, she was greeted with the image of the person she least expected to see. Of course, if she allowed herself a second thought, she wouldn’t be all that surprised. Doggett. Hastily wiping away her tears and running her fingers through her hair, she slipped the lock free and opened the door. “Agent Doggett, what are you doing here?” she asked. If he noticed her appearance, and she was sure he did, he gave her no clue. “I was just in the neighbourhood. I thought I’d stop in, see how you were doin’.” “In the neighbourhood? I didn’t realize I was on route to Falls Church.” He gave a small smile and a shrug. “Mind if I come in?” She mirrored the shrug and opened the door to let him pass. Once he was inside, she shut the door and clicked the lock. Turning to look at him, she was startled to see he was already measuring her. “You’ve been talkin’ to Mulder,” he stated. “Why do you say that?” she asked. He took note that she didn’t deny it. “You’ve been cryin’.” He paused. “He always makes you cry.” Her eyebrows raised and he quickly apologized. “I’m sorry. I got no right to say anythin’.” She wanted to agree with him, to chastise him for being so blatant. She wanted to reassure him, to let him know he had plenty of right to say whatever he wanted. Not believing the former and not having the strength to admit the latter, she remained silent. Silence lingered between them until he was the first to speak. “Between you and William, you should invest in the Kleenex company.” The comment, so unexpected and dry, persuaded a smile to come to her lips, then a chuckle, then a full-out laugh. A release. He pulled out a handful from a nearby tissue box and held them out to her. She took them and in the endorphin wake of her emotional release surprised the both of them by asking, “Why are you always here when I need you?” Doggett tried to hide his surprise by looking down at his shoes. “I don’t know what you mean.” “I’ve never known you to lie, so please, don’t start now. It’s like you have this sixth sense when it comes to my well being.” He shrugged and replied, “It’s part of my job. You’re my partner.” “Ok. You WERE my partner,” he corrected himself. “Makes no difference. Still part of my job.” Scully shook her head in disagreement. “No, I don’t believe that. It’s beyond your job description.” His eyes looked up and pinned her with his gaze. “Then maybe I made it part of my job.” “Why?” He gave a little laugh and scratched his jaw with long, flat fingertips. “I dunno.” “That’s two lies you’ve told me in one conversation.” Doggett brought his brows together and frowned. “What exactly is it that you want me to say?” His directness caught her off-guard and brought her back to reality. Her reality. The one that didn’t allow her to ask for help. The one that wouldn’t dare let her speak her mind. Or her heart. But behind all these walls she had erected around herself all these years, there was one nugget of anger that burned through. “Nothing,” she brushed him away. “Forget I said anything.” He saw this flame and wouldn’t let her extinguish it. “No. Tell me what it is that you want from me.” ‘I should have known better,’ she thought to herself. This was not a man who could easily be brushed away or cast aside. He was like a sentinel, standing firm at the gate, not allowing her to escape. The silence grew between them, but he seemed to receive no discomfort from it. She, on the other hand, was seconds away from squirming under his gaze. “I’m tired,” she stated, finally breaking the silence. “What are you tired of” he asked. Her shoulders slumped in defeat. “Why won’t you leave me alone?” “I told you,” he answered, “it’s part of my job.” “Is it part of your job to irritate me?” He shrugged. “If it means gettin’ stuff out in the open, yeah.” “I’m not a perp, you know.” “So tell me, what are you tired of?” “I could choke you, you know,” she declared. “You get under my skin in a way I’ve never experienced before meeting you. From the very first time I laid eyes on you, I knew…” He waited for her to continue, and when she didn’t, he prompted, “You knew…” She looked up into his enigmatic blue eyes and said, “I knew I’d have to be on guard, that’s all.” “You’re not too good at articulatin’ what your feelin’, are you?” Scully’s head jerked back, stung. “I beg your pardon?” “Well, I just figure, I don’t think I’ve heard you say as many words to me as you’ve done in the last 10 minutes, and yet I’m not sure I know you any more than I did before I walked through that door.” She had to smile at this. Looking away to avoid his penetrating stare, she softly admitted, “I guess I’ve learned along the way that the best way to protect yourself is to not let anyone know yourself.” She returned her eyes to his. “That’s why I’ve been.. difficult with you these past 18 months. It’s not that I don’t trust you, because I do.” She reached out to touch his arm as if to solidify her statement. “It’s just.. I’m not used to trusting anyone. Sometimes I wonder if I can even trust myself.” “You trust Mulder,” Doggett said. She nodded. “But the trust I have for you is different.” She gave a little smile, as if the thought just occurred to her. “The trust I have for you is different,” she repeated. “I don’t understand.” “I trust you to speak freely and truthfully. I trust you to keep me true to myself above everyone else.” She saw the confusion in his face and tried a different tack. “For years, silence has been like a shield for me. It keeps people away and it keeps me safe. But you practically force me to speak. You just won’t let me hide, will you? When I said I was tired, I meant I’m tired of the silence. I’m tired of trying to live on gestures and nuances and reading between the lines. And you’ve made me realize this. You’re so damn direct. I envy that.” “I’ll be sure to tell my ex-wife what you’ve just said. She always told me I was stubborn. She’ll be glad to know that I’m really ‘direct.’” He waited for the smile he expected, and when it arrived he went on, “You know, directness can be very liberatin’. And it saves a lot of bullshit later on.” “Why don’t you help me learn?” “Ok,” he answered, “where would you like to start?” “Well, why don’t you show me how it’s done.” He tilted his head, puzzled. “What is it that’s made you designate yourself my protector?” He gave a little self-conscious smirk and looked away. “I dunno.” He saw the look on her face and gave another smirk. Flicking his forefinger over the bridge of his nose, he admitted, “I don’t know what to say without soundin’ like a complete idiot.” Scully pressed her lips together and nodded. “Ok.” As she turned away, his left hand reached out and grabbed her left arm. “No, wait.” He let go of her arm but stood close behind her, preventing her from facing him again. Peripherally, she could see him rest his hands on his hips and could feel his long, slow release of breath. “Ok,” he spoke. “I would go to the ends of the earth..” he faltered. “I would go to the ends of the earth just to be in the same room with you.” He paused before summoning the courage to add one more thing. “And I wouldn’t make you cry.” He heard the hitch in her throat and hastily said, “Sorry. That was too direct.” She turned without creating space between them. Craning her neck to look at him, she said, “No. No, that wasn’t too direct.” She leaned back to get a better look at him. “How do you do that?” she asked. “How do you just.. come out and say things without worrying about how someone’s going to take it?” He looked down at her and as usual, replied as truthfully as he could. “Don’t let my cool façade fool you.” She smiled at this. “I do worry about how someone’s gonna take it. But in the end, it all comes down to trust; trusting yourself, trusting the other person. And since you haven’t slapped me or told me to get the hell out, I’m feelin’ pretty good right now.” “I don’t know how I feel about it,” she admitted. “I know.” “I don’t know how I feel about you,” she said. “I know that, too.” “I think I need some time to myself. I’m thinking of taking William on a trip somewhere. Just me and him. We need to get to know each other. I think I need to get to know myself.” He nodded in approval. “I think that’s a good idea.” Reaching to take her hands in his, he quickly leaned down and gave her chaste kiss on her lips. “I’ll be here when you get back.” “You’d better be,” she warned. He simply laughed and repeated his kiss. “Now that’s an endin’ I can live with.” -end