Title: Save me

Author: Jessica   ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )

Rating: PG-13

Category: DS

Spoiler: None

Archive: Where ever..Just let me know where

Feedback: Yes, PLEASE:...j_rothen@yahoo.se

Summary: Doggetts past comes back to haunt him and he finally
comes face to face with the man that killed his son.

Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to FOX 
and they are not mine. 

Note: This fanfiction has nothing to do with the events of the
episode "Release". 
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistake may occur.


December 8th 1997

He wanted to kill the voices that screamed inside his head. 
It felt like the blood in his veins was on fire. He felt sick
and hot at the same time. He knew that feeling. He knew what
he had to do. He needed to taste blood again. He was on fire
and he liked it.

The darkness came quickly and chased away the daylight. Luke
wasn't afraid of the dark. His father had thought him that it
wasn't anything to be afraid of. He trusted his father. He
said goodbye to his friends and left the playground to walk 
home. His house was just two blocks away and he knew the way
by heart. He had finally managed to convince his mother that
he was old enough to walk home alone. He was seven now, a big
boy, and he didn't need his mother to walk him home.

The boy couldn't be older than six or seven. He was dressed in
a blue sweater and jeans. He was beautiful and he was alone.
The man drove his car up beside the little boy and stopped.
He opened the door and said:
- Want me to take you home?
Luke looked at the man and said:
- No, thank you.
Then he turned around to walk away. His parents had thought 
him never talk to strangers. He knew that. His mum had 
reminded him about that just this morning. 
- I'm not dangerous. You know me, Luke.
When he turned his name he turned around and looked at the man
again. He couldn't see the mans face well but something told
him that he should walk away. His parents might be angry if
they ever found out that he had talked to this man.
- It's just two blocks. I can walk. 
He started to walk without looking back. The man was angry now.
The rage inside him made his heart beat faster.
- I have candy here. It's getting darker. Are you sure you
want to walk through these streets alone at this hour?
Luke stopped walking. He knew he shouldn't. But he felt tired.
It had been along day. It was just two blocks and maybe no one
would ever found out. He turned around towards the car and
smiled at the man.
- Okay, it's just two blocks. You can drop me off at the 
corner. Please, don't tell my mum. She would be so angry...
The man smiled as the boy climbed into the car and said:
- I will never tell your mum. This is our secret.

Falls Church, Virginia, present day.

It's always the same dream. I can never see his face. I try
to reach out for him but he always manage to slip from my 
hand. He calls out to me to save him. Then I wake up and my
whole body is covered in sweat. I have hardly ever sleep 
anymore. I manage to get some hours of peaceful sleep each 
night. But I don't need that much sleep any longer. It was
even a time when I feared going to sleep. The only thing I saw
when I closed my eyes was his face. It took many hours on
the sofa to found some peace. But I know I will never be 
whole again. I have lost a peace of me and that's a fact. 

I rise. The sun comes into through the window and warms my 
body as I dress in the sunlight. I move through the house
like the ghost I am. It's funny; I used to hate the silence
of this house. Now it's a part of me. It's my only friend.
This is supposed to be my home. Some might say it's a 
depressing place, but I like it that way. This house represents
all that I am, with all my scares. 
I reach for the photo of him that is placed in the bookcase.
My hands tremble a bite as I ran my hand over the photo. My
little boy. Luke. I never thought I could love him so much.
When he was born I was still a detective at the NYPD. Most
of the time I spend working some case. Then he came along. 
This little boy entered my life and took a hold of my heart
that no one ever could do. Not even my wife. But I did love
her because me such a beautiful gift. She gave me Luke. I
still remember how it felt to hold him for the first time. 
He was so small and he looked straight at me with those 
wonderful eyes and I knew then that I was lost. As the years
flew by I blessed every moment I got to spend with him. We
got only seven years. Seven years and then he was pulled 
from my side. 
I know, it's been nearly five years and I should let go. But
I keep thinking that he might walk into my life again. 
Sometimes when I daydream I see him walking through the door
smiling and he walks up to me, saying my name and puts his 
arms around me. Then reality hits and I wake up. 
The world is so much darker when he's not here. But one day
I will find him. One day we'll be together again.

Atlanta, Georgia

Max Roberts woke slowly and turned to her. He couldn't 
remember her name, but he didn't care. She was just another 
body to warm his bed. His head hurt after the nights partying. 
He couldn't remember much, but he didn't care. She was already 
gone. The only memory she left behind was her scent on the 
pillow beside him. As soon as he sat up he saw the man that
was standing in the doorway. The man was dressed completely in
black and he was wearing a mask that covered his face. Max
moved fast and reached for the gun he kept by his bedside. But
it was to late. He never saw the gun. The first bullet entered
his body just above the collar-bone and he fell backwards 
towards the headboard. He screamed out in pain and tried to
move away. But the pain made it impossible. The only thing he
could do was to watch as the man moved closer to him. He knew
it was too late to scream and he knew no one would hear him. 
He refused to beg for his life. The knife in the mans hand 
seemed to glow in the dark. The pain made it harder to breathe
now. The face of the man seemed blurry as he moved closer.
For the first time in the long time Max Roberts prayed,
then he closed his eyes and surrendered. 

Washington DC.

The phone ringing awakened Dana Scully. 
- Scully...
It was Doggett.
- Agent Doggett, what's wrong?
- I need to leave town for a while.
- Why?
- Private business. I have to take care of something.
- Can I help?
- No thank you. I just need to do this alone.
- But...
- I just wanted to tell you. I didn't want you to think that
I...
- I trust you, John.
- Thank you, Scully. I need to go now.
- Take care of you.
- You to.
Then he was gone.

Atlanta

I was home. It has been years since I last time walked the 
streets of this town. I was young when I left. I was angry
with the world and I was going out into the world with rage
in my heart. I vowed to never return. But now I'm back and 
I have to say it felt nice to be back home. I just wish it
was under better circumstances.
I have seen many things in my line of work but nothing ever
prepared me for what I was just about to see when I walked 
into the bedroom. I have always considered myself to be strong
but as I walked into the bedroom I had to grasp for air. The
smell was horrible. I had to breathe through my mouth to 
prevent myself not to vomit. The man must have been dead for
some days now. The body of the man lay on the floor beside the
bed. He was completely nude. His eyes was open and looked 
straight at me. He had been shot once in the chest and one to 
the head. He had been stabbed several times and on his hand
several fingers were missing.
I closed my eyes for a while to gather some strength. I knew
this man. I hadn't seen him for years but I can still remember
his face. This was Max Roberts. We used to play together when
we were kids. We were best friends back then. We did everything
together. But then life happened and we drifted apart. 
He married and moved down to California somewhere and I never
heard from him again. Until now. It was horrible to see him 
like this. I have always managed to put the faces of the dead
behind me. But he was different. 

She watched him from the doorway not wanting to disturb him.
Dana Scully was use to the smell of death so she didn't mind
the horrible smell that came from the body of the dead man.
He looked so sad. She stood there for a while watching Agent
John Doggett. He was still a mystery to her. He wasn't easy 
to read. Sometimes she wished that she could read his mind. 
Then she would stop worrying about him. She could see tears
in his eyes when he turned around and looked at her. But he 
wiped them away as soon as he saw her.
- Agent Scully, what are you doing here?
- I might ask you the same thing. This isn't a case for The
X-files. 
- Please, go home. This is private.
She saw pain in his eyes in that moment.
- Tell me. I want to help. Who is this man?
She pointed to the dead man on the floor. He turned away from
her and walked out of the room. She found him sitting on the
sofa in the living room looking so pale. She sat down beside
him and looked at him.
- Please, let me help you. I know something is wrong.
He looked at her and said:
- His name is Max Roberts. We were best friends when we were
kids. I told him everything. We used to go fishing together. 
We did everything together. He was Huck and I was Tom.
- I'm so sorry, John. 
She reached out and took his hand.
- Don't be. I haven't seen him for years. We drifted a part.
He got married and moved to California.
- Go home, John. Let the local police handle this. 
- I can't.
- Why?
- Because of this.
He gave her a letter in a plastic bag. Evidence.
- I found it beside the body. 
- It just says, " He's a lovely boy, John." Then a mark of a
childs hand. What does it mean?
- I don't know. But I have to believe. Maybe this has 
something to do with Luke. 
- Oh, John...No..You can't build your hopes of.
She saw anger in his eyes when he looked at her.
- How can you say that?! Maybe this is a clue of where to find
Luke. Maybe I finally can get some answers.
- The killer is playing with your head. It can just be some 
lie.
- I have to believe. And I'm not leaving until I get some 
answers. 
Then he stormed out of the room. 

The gentle summer rain calmed my beating heart as I drove up
beside the house I used to call home. People might say the 
house looked like something from "Gone with the wind". 
It had been so many years since I last time stepped my foot 
inside that house. But it was still my home. It looked exactly
like I left it. I sat there for a while listening to the rain.
I can't believe that I'm afraid to walk up and ring the bell.
I know she'll be home. I have thought long and hard about what
I should say to her and how I should act. I know I should let
the past be the past. I'm older now. 
My hands tremble now as I ring the bell. The heart almost 
skips a beat when the door opens and she appears in the 
opening. The years have been good to Judith Doggett. She still
keeps her hair long. It's white now but still as beautiful. 
Her eyes are still the bluest I have ever seen. As I stand
there looking into my mothers eyes I can't help but feel so
much love for this lady. For a moment the past is forgotten.
- Yes, can I help you?
I smile and say:
- It's me, mum. It's John.
She stares at me for a while and then I can see tears in her
eyes. She looks at me with so much love and frames my face 
between her hands. 
- My son. My son is home.
Then she throws her arms around me and pulls me closer. It
feels nice to feel her arms around me again. I have missed 
that feeling. 

The man walks the streets of the town with rage filling his 
heart. He needs his fix again. He can still feel the taste of
blood on his tongue. He knows that John Doggett is in town.
He watched as the agents entered the house of Max Roberts and
for a brief moment he had wanted to be there to see Agent
Doggetts face when he saw his dead friend. But he knew he had 
to wait. Their time would come. Until then he would wait like
a snake in the grass.

- I heard about Max. I'm sorry, John.
I'm sitting in the living room I used to play in as a child.
Nothing has changed. It seems like time has stopped. The 
photo of my father, the big world war two hero, still stands
over fireplace. It feels a bite weird being back. I know if
these walls can talk I know they will have a lot to talk about.
My mother has asked the maid for some tea and cookies. I smile
as I take a sip of the warm tea. She hasn't changed and that 
actually feels nice. 
- Thank you. But I didn't know him that well. We drifted a part
after....
I can't bring myself to say the words.
- ....since you left.
We sit there silence for a while. The only thing that pierce
the silence is the ticking of the clock on the wall. 
- I see that you're not wearing your ring anymore. I guess it
didn't work out with...What's her name now?
- Barbara, mum. You know that!
- Just as well. She wasn't good enough for you....
In that moment every memory from the past came back to haunt 
me. All the pain that I had kept inside came up to the surface.
- Stop it! I didn't come here to fight.
- Then, why did you come?
Nothing had changed. And as I looked into my mothers eyes I
knew nothing ever would.
- I wanted to see you. I thought that maybe....
- You haven't called, you haven't written. It has been so many
years. So many years since little Luke....
The pain hit with me with such a strength when all the memories
I had tried so hard to hide away came back.
- You never let us have a proper funeral. He should have been
buried here, beside his grandfather. You don't even let us 
have a grave to visit.
- Stop it mum! Don't do this. I didn't come here for this.
- What did you expect, John? Did you think I could just forget
all the pain you have caused this family.
- All I ever did was follow my heart. 
- And look what that brought you.
As I looked into her eyes I knew that she was right. The 
choices I have made in my life have all caused me pain. But 
there still my choices. It's still my life. 
- Are you happy, John? I don't think so. You still are 
searching for, Luke. He's dead and you have to accept 
that. It has been nearly five years. You have to let go 
of this. 
And you have to let us to let go also. 
I wanted to run away and hide from the world. I couldn't 
breath.
- I don't need to hear this. I didn't come here for this.
I thought you had changed. I guess I was wrong.
Then I stormed out of the house.

By the shadows of the night he moved. He moved through the 
crowded streets like a ghost. He wasn't a man you would
notice. He was and always would be a ghost. But he didn't
mind that. During the years it had come to be his best
feature. He found that he was stronger alone. 
He found the house without any problem. He had been there
before. He liked watching her. She was a beautiful woman.
When she had been away at work he had entered her home.
He hadn't taken anything. He had just looked and touched.
He liked being so close to her. When he went to sleep at
night she came to him in his dreams. She gave herself 
completely to him there. 
As he stood there in the shadows of the street watching 
her through the window he couldn't help to feel excited.
He wondered how she would feel to touch. He wondered if
she would scream. He smiled in the dark. Soon. Soon
Barbara Doggett would be his. It was just a matter of time.

Dana Scully rubbed her tired eyes and took another look
at the photos from the crime scene. It was late and she 
should have gone to sleep along time ago. But she knew
she had to found strength to go on. Just an hour more. 
He needed her. She knew that he would never admit it,
but he needed her help. The murder of Max Roberts made
no sense. There was no motive. Max had been working as
a writer since he had moved back to Atlanta. He
wasn't that famous but he made money of his books. He
had been divorced from his wife since five years and
he had several girlfriends after that. But no permanent.
Then there was the letter to Doggett. The only fingerprints
they had managed to lift from the letter was that of little
Luke. It matched with a 99% accuracy. She had told him that
yet. She still searched her mind for a way to tell him. 
She knew that this was something he had wanted for so many
years but in the same time she knew that this would cause
him so much pain. She knew that it wasn't up to her to decide.
But she didn't want to hurt him. But she hoped that maybe
this somehow would bring him closure.

A knock on the door woke my up from my daydreaming. After I
had stormed out of the house I had driven around the streets
of Atlanta with tears in my eyes. It was funny, that still 
after all this years her words still could hurt me so. 
Somewhere in my mind I knew she was right. And that hurt. I
don't know why I had returned to that house. Maybe I just 
wanted to see her again. Maybe I needed her to tell me that 
she loved me. I know now it was pointless.
I rub my tired eyes as I open the door to my hotel room. 
The past came back to haunt me again. She was back in my life.
Barbara Doggett was standing outside my door. She was still
a beauty.
- Hi, John. 
She was dressed in dark coat and jeans. She looked like model.
She looked younger than thirty-five.
- Barbara...
- It's been three years, John. I deserve more than that.
- I'm sorry. Come in.
She brushed past me and as I felt her perfume fill the air 
memories came back once again. I didn't know why she had come
but I didn't care. It felt nice to see her again. She sat 
down on the coach and looked at me. 
- You look nice, John. How are you?
- I'm fine, Barbara. 
- I heard about, Max. I'm sorry.
- Believe me, you're not the only one. 
- I saw you on the TV and I decided to look you up.
- What are you doing these days?
- I'm working on the bank. It felt better somehow to come back
here after....
She didn't have to say the words. I already knew what she 
meant. I could see pain in her eyes just for a moment. Then 
she smiled at me. 
- What about you!? I can't believe you're in the FBI now. You
finally got what you wanted. 
- Yes, I guess so. 
Then silence came. I didn't know to talk to her anymore. The
past is still an open and bleeding wound. After Luke disappeared
we drifted apart. I think she blamed me for not being there.
But she never blamed me as much as I blamed myself. One year
after Luke went missing she walked out of me. I never resented
her for doing that. I understand now. I wasn't that great to
live with. I never was. But I think I stopped seeing her 
after Luke. I was rapped up in the chase after someone to 
blame that I forgot about her. I never saw the pain this had
caused her and I never saw her sorrow. I was blind and 
selfish. As I sit here now looking at her I know we have so
much to talk about. I hope she will forgive me some day for 
the sorrow and the pain I caused her. 
We talked until the midnight. We never touched on the past. We
only talked about the future. And when she left I took her in
my arms and held her for a while. She is still in my heart.
She was my first love and I will always love her. But I never
told her that. 

Barbara Doggett opened the door to her apartment and went 
inside. It had been a long day and she was so tired. She had
seen John again. He had looked so good. She had wanted so 
badly to scream at him. She had thought long and hard about
what she should tell him when they finally saw each other again.
But when they finally did she hadn't the power to tell him 
what was in her heart. She saw so much sorrow in his eyes and
so much pain that she couldn't bring herself to hurt him once
again. They had so much unspoken words between them but she 
knew in her heart that she wasn't the one that could heal his
heart. She had forgiven along time ago. He needed to forgive
himself. 
She walked to the kitchen to get something to drink. She 
couldn't think about that anymore. She needed to rest. She
took a glass of milk and then went into the bedroom. 
He was standing by her bed. The man was dressed completely in
black and he was wearing a mask. She froze just for a moment.
It was just enough time for the killer to move. He pushed her
down and pinned her to the floor of the bedroom. She tried to
scream and she tried to fight him. But he was much bigger than
she was so he managed to keep her down. The last thing she
remember before darkness entered her mind was him smiling down
at her.

She was gone. She was missing. I have never felt so alone as
when I entered her home. I had gotten the call forty minutes
earlier. Barbara Doggett was missing. Her apartment wasn't 
big but it was big enough for one person. It felt weird
being in her home. I hadn't slept since she had left my
hotel room. 
My heart ached when I entered her bedroom and saw blood on
the floor.
- We'll find her, John.
Dana Scully was standing in the doorway holding a folder.
- What are doing here? I thought you went back to Washington.
He would never know how those words hurt her. 
- You need me here. I got the call as soon as you did. I
told them to keep me posted.
Somehow it felt nice to have her by my side. It felt good
to know that she hadn't given up on me. 
- He wants me, Scully. I don't know why.
- I have something for you, John. We managed to lift 
some fingerprints from the letter. There is a 99% chance
that there are from Luke.
In that moment I felt like a knife was pulled through my
heart. I stumbled backwards. I had searched so long for 
just one clue, just one point in the right direction and
now I might get to know the answers to all my questions.
I might see my son again.

The phone call came in around four in the morning two days
later. I had finally managed to fall asleep and I for once
dreams didn't keep me up. Silence met me when I answered the
phone.
- John Doggett.
- She's lovely your wife, John. I might consider taking a bite.
So this was the man that had caused me so much pain.
- If you hurt her I swear I will rip your heart out!
Raged filled me like a poison.
- Don't use such bad languish. It's not good for you...
- What do you want from me?
- I want you dead, John. But that's just one of the many 
things we get to talk about when you come and visit me here.
- Why should I go anywhere with you?
- I have your lovely, Barbara. 
- How will I know that you haven't already killed her?
- You won't...But will you pass up the opportunity to get the
answer to the biggest question of all. What happened to little
Luke?
The pain I felt when I heard this man speak my sons name was
so huge that it's impossible to describe. 
I know it might just be lies. I know it might just be a trap.
But I don't care. I can't walk around like this anymore. I 
need answers.
- Tell me when and where.
- Good, John. You won't regret this. And remember no police
or you'll never know....

Two days later, 
Somewhere near Boston

The darkness surrounded me as I moved closer to the house.
My heart is racing in my chest as I reach for my gun. The 
house was old and rundown. It was miles to the nearest town.
This was my hell. 
I entered the house with my gun drawn. I found her in the 
living room tied to a chair. She was still alive. I ran to
her side to untie her. But as soon as I reached her a voice
from the dark spoke my name. 
- John, you're finally here. It's nice to see you.
The room was so dark. The only light came from the moon coming
in through the window. 
- Show yourself, you bastard...
The man that stepped into the light was tall and thin. He was
dressed in suit and tie. He looked like no one special. His
face was clean and shaved. His hair was brown and cut short.
If you passed him on the street you wouldn't notice him.
I pointed my gun at him and screamed:
- Where are you son?!
- Oh, that's not right. 
- Tell me what you did with Luke!
I didn't care how he was. I just wanted to see my son.
- It took me five years to get what I wanted. Don't spoil it.
This was crazy.
- He's dead, John. Don't you know that? He has been dead for
years.
- Don't say that!!!
I wanted to pull the trigger right then and there. The rage 
filled my heart.
- He was so lovely. He kept saying he wasn't supposed to 
talk to strangers. He was right. He was a nice looking kid.
He gave a lot of pleasure. Thank you for that.
I wanted to scream. 
- No...please..
- He never ever screamed. He tasted so good....We got to have
some beautiful days here.
Tears filled my eyes and my heart felt like it had exploded in
my chest. I couldn't take this. 
- Don't tell me....
- He didn't even fight back when I put my hands around his 
neck. I think he wanted to die. The last thing he said was 
your name. 
- Luke, no...!!!!!
Tears mark my face as I look at the man that had wiped away
everything that was good in my life. 
- Why him? Why Luke? Why Max? Why now?
- Don't you know? I have watched you for years. I know 
everything about you, John. You had the perfect family. I took
Luke because I wanted to and because I could. It's nearly been
five years and during the years I have found it harder and 
harder to keep it a secret. I needed to tell you. I have 
watched you struggle with finding the truth and I have to say
you have been brave and I guess I think it's time to let 
everything out. 
He was completely insane. As I looked into the mans eyes I knew
that he was evil and that scared me. I didn't care anymore. 
- Where is Luke?
- I buried him in the yard. I even gave him a nice tombstone.
Isn't that nice. So what do you say, John? Isn't it nice to
let it all out. 
- All those dead...and for what? Nothing....
- No, you're wrong. They didn't die for nothing...They died
because of you. 
- What do you mean?
- We belong together you and I. Can't you see that, John? We
are so much alike. 
- We're nothing alike. 
- You gave me your son to prove that....
- You're mad.
This was the rambling of a mad.
- He tasted lovely your son. Luke was mine and he'll always
be mine. I had him.
The tears filled my eyes. I can't take this. I don't care 
anymore. I closed my eyes and for a moment I could see the 
face of my son smiling at me. I opened my eyes and looked 
straight at the man.
- He'll never be yours.
Then I fired. The bullet pierced the heart of the man and he
was dead before he hit the floor.
I never looked back. I untied Barbara and walked out of the 
house. This was my hell. 

The moon was my only company as I kneeled down beside my sons
grave. I was crying now. My hands was trembling as I touched
the ground under me and whispered his name. I had searched
so many years for him and now I have come to the end of the
road. I have gotten the answer I had searched for. I know
that I had to let go. I leaned my head against the tombstone
and whispered:
- Walk with the angels, my son.
This was letting go. I knew we would meet again.
Soon.

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