Title: A Sense of Justice
Author: Diandra Hollman
E-Mail: diandrahollman@yahoo.com
Website: http://agenthollman.topcities.com/main/index.html
Rating: NC-17 (if you thought the last installment was 
         disturbing, you ain't seen nothin' yet!)
Classification: A R S (E) hehehehehehe... Just kidding. ;)
Keywords: Rape, DoggettTorture, DoggettAngst, ScullyAngst
Spoilers: For the show? No. For this series? Yes. ;)
Disclaimer: Hey, if they no longer belong to Chris at the end 
         of the season, can I claim them? ;) 
Archive: I'll take care of XFMU, and Gossamer. Anyone else, 
         e-mail me, so I know where it's going.
Summary: "There are times when I wish I weren't always right...
         this was one of those times."
Dedication: As always, to my fellow SHODDS and Doggett 
         Torturers. CC and FOX may have given up, but we 
         won't! :) To my friend Lisa without whom I wouldn't be 
         the internet fan I am today! To Megan, who may very 
         likely have a dirtier mind than I do (but I wouldn't 
         count on it). And to Chris, David, Gillian, Robert, 
         Annabeth, and everybody else involved with the show 
         (although I'm sure they could give a flip about my 
         writing). :) Thanks for nine great years! We will miss 
         you guys! :::sniffle::: I'm okay now, really.
Author's Notes: This is part seven of the "A Sense of..." 
         series. You will want to read the other parts first 
         before you read this one. You can find them all at:
         http://agenthollman.topcities.com/main/asenseof.html



A Sense of Justice
By Diandra Hollman

**Previously in this series...**

You didn't want her to see you like this. You didn't want her 
to see you being fucked in the ass and enjoying it. 

She tried to make her approaching footsteps inaudible, but I 
could still hear her. I could *feel* her getting closer to the 
room. 

Then I heard the *click* of her gun being cocked. 

"Freeze Agent Holland! You're under arrest!"

*******
FBI Hoover Building - X-Files Office
One hour earlier

SCULLY

It was nice to see that life had finally gone back to some 
semblance of normal. John and I had fallen into predictable 
routines, both at work and at home. I sometimes found myself 
wondering where our relationship was headed. We shared all the 
intimacy of lovers without sex. While it felt wonderful to know 
that our relationship went farther than physical, it felt 
strange to be seeing each other naked and touching each other 
intimately without having sex. I guess it was just so different 
from what I had with other guys in the past...which was 
probably a good thing.

I was in the middle of my 'morning coffee' routine when I was 
interrupted by Agent Spinelli. We didn't talk about much. He 
told me that he and Agent Holland were still having no luck on 
finding the rapist, but assured me that they wouldn't stop 
looking. 

/Where have I heard that before?/ 

I was starting to give up any hope of them ever finding the 
man. Maybe John was right. Until he stepped forward and said 
something, he would not be caught.

How was I supposed to help Doggett move on with his life and 
put the whole tragedy behind him when there was always a 
possibility that it could happen all over again?

I returned to our office to find Mulder sitting at his desk, 
reading over the report I had just finished. He looked up when 
I walked in the room. 

"Where is Agent Doggett," I asked without even really 
acknowledging him.

"I passed him on the way in. I tried to talk to him, but I 
don't think he even saw me..." He trailed off. "Did you bring 
coffee for me?" He smiled playfully. 

"He didn't tell me he was going anywhere." Despite my best 
judgment, I was beginning to worry. I knew I should be giving 
him the benefit of the doubt, but part of me insisted that he 
was still too fragile - that if I left him alone for long 
enough he would snap. 

My worry must have shown on my face.

"Don't worry about it. You've obviously got him on a short 
leash - he won't get too far."

I glared at Mulder, causing his grin to widen. He was teasing 
me. 

"That was the mistake I made; I should have kept you on a leash 
all these years..."

He rolled his eyes. "Seriously, did you bring me coffee?"

I ignored him as I walked to John's desk to set his cup down. 
A small scribbled note on top of the desk caught my eye. It 
had "bathroom break" written across it in his bold scrawl. I 
smiled. Maybe I was getting a little overprotective. 

My smile faded quickly into a frown. Something was not right 
here...

I moved to stand in front of Mulder's desk and set my cup in 
front of him. I didn't feel like coffee much anymore. He made 
an appreciative noise and took a tentative sip of the hot 
liquid.

"Where did you say you saw him?"

Mulder gave me a quizzical look. "In the hallway. On my way in. 
Why?"

"He wasn't headed towards the bathroom?"

Mulder laughed. "If he was, he must have been taking the scenic 
route."

I thought about it for a moment.

"Was there anyone with him?"

Mulder looked puzzled. "I didn't pay attention. What are you 
getting at Scully?"

My eyes did a quick sweep of the room. "Something doesn't seem 
right. He left a note saying that he was headed for the 
bathroom, but you saw him heading in the opposite direction. It 
wouldn't make sense for him to be leaving the building since 
his coat is still here, but I can't think of anywhere else he 
would have been going."

Mulder leaned back in his chair, studying me. 

"Are you *sure* there wasn't anyone with him," I asked again.

"Well, there was a guy walking right behind him, but they 
didn't seem to be together."

"What did he look like?"

"Tall. Blond hair, blue eyes. Where are you going with this?"

That description fit at least half of the American population. 
This was getting me nowhere.

Mulder was beginning to give me a curious look. "Scully? What 
is it?"

I hesitated briefly on my way to the door, looking back at 
Mulder. "Stay here."

"Scully," Mulder called, but I was already halfway to the 
elevator. As much as I tried to reassure myself with reasonable 
explanations for Doggett's behavior, I was unable to shake the 
uneasy feeling in my gut. My instincts were telling me that he 
was in trouble. He needed me.

I found Agent Spinelli in his office. 

"Have you seen Agent Holland around?"

Spinelli looked up, startled. "Agent Scully. Ah...yes I saw him 
earlier. Why? Did you need to talk to him?"

"Yes, actually. Do you know where I can find him?"

"Well, he probably stepped out to get lunch. He should be back 
in about a half an hour."

The uncomfortable twisting in my gut intensified. "I don't 
think it can wait that long."

Spinelli's brow furrowed. "Well, he usually goes to the deli 
down the street--"

"Would you happen to have his home address?" I interrupted. 

Spinelli blinked, staring at me strangely. I suppose I deserved 
it - this was not exactly protocol. "Sure."

He scrambled briefly for a pen and paper and wrote down the 
address. He handed the slip of paper to me - his eyes 
questioning me silently.

I thanked him briefly. Before I walked out the door, I said 
"And if Agent Holland *isn't* back in a half an hour, go to the 
X-Files office and tell Agent Mulder where I am. He'll know 
what to do."

******

I tried to reason with myself as I drove to Holland's house. I 
tried to tell myself that I was jumping to conclusions. But as 
hard as I tried, the wrenching of my gut told me otherwise. All 
the pieces of the puzzle were finally clicking into place. 
Agent Holland's odd behavior. The discomfort Doggett felt 
whenever Holland was in the room. And if they had walked out of 
the building together, no one would have given it a second 
thought. The wrenching sensation grew stronger as I wondered if 
Holland's straightforward method had enabled Doggett to see his 
face...and what implications that revelation had for John. I 
shuddered and pressed down harder on the accelerator. 

Agent Holland lived out in the middle of nowhere. That 
knowledge did absolutely nothing to assuage my fears. 

/Where no one can hear you scream.../

My heart pounded in my chest as I parked the car as close to 
the house as I dared and approached the front door. I was not 
surprised to find the front door unlocked - people whose 
closest neighbor is miles away don't have to worry about 
uninvited visitors. 

I pulled my gun out of its holster and - with it ready at my 
side - entered the house.

I heard a slight noise come from a nearby room. With my back to 
the wall, I inched up to the doorway and took a deep breath 
before cautiously peeking inside. What I saw made me want to 
scream in horror and - at the same time - robbed my lungs of 
breath. There are times when I wish I weren't always right...
this was one of those times.

Agent Doggett was tied facedown to the kitchen table. He was 
naked. Standing behind him was an equally naked Agent Holland. 
From the look of it, I was too late to stop this rape from 
happening. The words Doggett had said that night in the 
hospital in his delusion came back to me. "You weren't 
there..." I had failed him again. 

/No,/ the little voice in the back of my head argued. /You're 
not too late this time! You can still save him! You can still 
be his knight in shining armor!/ As ridiculous as that image 
may be, I realized that it was exactly what I was to him - what 
I had been all along. 

And with that thought ricocheting in my mind, I clicked off the 
safety and stepped into the doorway with my gun raised.

"Freeze, FBI! Agent Holland, you're under arrest!"

*****

"Put your gun down Agent Scully," Holland said calmly. "I have 
a gun pointed at Agent Doggett's head and I am not afraid to 
fire."

I hesitated for a second - unsure whether or not he was 
bluffing - before I heard the *click* of a gun being cocked.

"It really doesn't matter to me. Of course, then you would 
probably shoot me..." He turned to look me in the eye. Before I 
had the chance to react his gun was aimed at me. "Or, I could 
kill you and save myself a whole lot of trouble."

This wrenched a cry from Doggett and he began to fight against 
the bindings securing him to the table. Holland gave a short 
snap of his hips against Doggett and said "stop it" in a 
commanding voice - his eyes never leaving mine for an instant. 

"Think about it Agent Scully," he continued. "Think about your 
baby." He lowered his gun to point at my distended abdomen to 
really drive his point home.

I started to curse myself for my stupidity. How the hell did I 
get in this situation? What was I thinking and why didn't I 
request backup? /Because I'm too emotionally involved,/ I 
thought miserably.

I found myself hesitating again. Was there really any weight to 
this man's threats? I remembered Doggett telling me that his 
rapist actually seemed to believe - on some level - that he was 
in love with Doggett. If he truly was "in love with" John, 
would he really threaten to kill him? 

/Jesus Dana, you're trying to rationalize the mind of a man 
that is obviously psychotic! Don't you ever learn?/

It didn't matter anymore anyway since Holland was pointing the 
gun at *me*, not Doggett. And I had every reason to suspect 
that he would not think twice about killing me or my baby if I 
threatened to take John away from him.

I clicked the safety on my gun and raised my hands slowly into 
the air. 

"Good girl," Holland smirked. "Now put your gun on the floor 
and slide it this way."

I obeyed - keeping eye contact with him as I did.

"Now, move over there where I can see you." He indicated with 
his gun. I moved to the spot he had pointed to. From my new 
vantage point I had a clear view of Doggett's face. I tried not 
to cry as I saw the complete humiliation in his features. 

"That's better," Holland said cheerfully, setting his gun down 
on the table near Doggett's head. "Now...where was I?"

He pulled back until just the head of his penis was inside 
Doggett's body before plunging back in with a loud sigh. 
Doggett's fingers clawed at the table legs futilely as a 
whimper escaped his throat.

My mind worked furiously to come up a new tactic. I felt like I 
needed to keep talking to Holland. It was probably just a 
desperate attempt to aleviate my own sense of helplessness, but 
I needed to do *something*.

"Can't you see that you're hurting him?" I flinched inwardly. 
That had sounded much better in my head.

Holland howled with laughter. "Hurting him? You think I'm 
hurting him? Agent Scully, I hate to be the one to tell you, 
but I do believe Agent Doggett is enjoying this."

I opened my mouth to protest, but was stopped short when 
Holland reached his hand underneath Doggett's body and wrapped 
his hand around the unmistakable erection he found there. 
Doggett groaned, his hips jerking reflexively. Then his eyes 
met mine, his tearful expression conveying guilt and shame - 
both of which were horribly misplaced. 

I wanted to reassure him, to tell him - with my eyes if not 
with my voice - that none of it was his fault and that, no 
matter what happened, I still loved him. But I had let too many 
emotions get the better of me already. I needed to deal with 
Holland for the moment, and if I wanted to do that effectively 
I had to be emotionally detached. I set my jaw and met 
Holland's gaze. "That is a biological reaction to a stimulus, 
he has no control over that."

"Ahh..." Holland's eyes practically sparkled in his delight. 
"Yes, I suppose it is isn't it?" He shrugged. 

And with that he tilted his hips and gave a powerful thrust 
that made full contact with Doggett's prostate, causing him to 
shriek and arch his back uncontrollably - pushing himself back 
against Holland as his semen splattered the tiled floor 
underneath the table. Holland groaned as Doggett's inner 
muscles squeezed him. Seconds later, he came loudly. 

I swallowed the bile that rose up in my throat. I felt sick. I 
wanted to scream in horror and despair as I was forced to watch 
as the man I loved was raped right in front of me - as all the 
work I had done to help John get over the original rape was 
wiped away...

"FBI!"

Everything seemed to go into slow motion. I saw Holland pick up 
his gun and turn, startled, towards the doorway. His recent 
orgasm had slowed his reaction time however, and he barely had 
a chance to take aim before the shot fired, knocking him 
backwards. I was at John's side before I even knew I was 
moving. I pulled off my trenchcoat and laid it over Doggett's 
back before reaching to tug at his bonds. I was peripherally 
aware of our savior as he moved to check Holland's pulse. I 
didn't need to look at him to know who it was. Mulder.

When he had detected Holland's pulse - or lack thereof - he 
moved to squat next to me. "Here," he murmured, gently removing 
my hands from the rope and using his pocket knife to cut it 
away. 

When Mulder had severed all the ropes holding Doggett prisoner 
he pulled Doggett off of the table and gently deposited him in 
my lap where I knelt on the floor. Then he pulled off his own 
coat and lay it over Doggett's front. I caught his hand and 
looked up at him gratefully. I wanted to thank him for what 
he'd done, but found I was too shocked by the last several 
minutes to speak. My eyes were quickly swimming in tears as my 
mouth moved impotently. Mulder nodded and squeezed my hand 
briefly in understanding before he moved away to give us some 
degree of privacy as he called for assistance.

I turned my attention to Doggett. He was shivering - whether 
from cold or emotion I couldn't be sure - his eyes refusing to 
meet mine. I stroked his hair, noticing for the first time that 
my hands were shaking. The clinical side of me recognized that 
I was in shock, and that the lone tear that streaked down my 
cheek was only a foreshadowing of the coming storm.

"The ambulance should be here soon," Mulder said, sitting 
beside me. I was grateful for his presence - it was comforting. 

"Holland," I asked.

Mulder shook his head. 

I closed my eyes. He didn't have to say anything more.

Agent Holland was dead.

******
TO BE CONTINUED


For more stories written by me, see the web address in the 
header. Also feel free to check out "The X-Files Outlet" - http://thexfilesoutlet.tripod.com/main/index.html - a site for 
stories I consider to be the best on the web, as well as movie 
reviews, picture captions and other fun stuff!

While I'm at it, here are some more shameless plugs:

Doggett Torture Anonymous:
(http://dta_fic.tripod.com/main/index.html) It's like Mulder 
Torture Anonymous, but with Doggett! :)

Doggett Torture Mailing List:
(http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Doggett_Torture/) 

=========
"Feeling a little paranoid on our last day?"
"When did Noah build the ark Gladys? Before the rain."      
                              -- Spy Game