TITLE: SNOWBALL IN HELL (1 of 1)

AUTHOR: DAVID HEARNE

CLASSIFICATION: Post-ep for "Roadrunners"

RATING: R

DISTRIBUTION: Can go anywhere, no need to ask for my permission.

SPOILERS: Roadrunners, Christmas Carol

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Website is located at http://members.dencity.com/hearne

BRIEF EDITORIAL -- What's with you people, anyway? We've had four "X-Files"
marathons on FX and not once has "Beyond the Sea" made the cut. If you folks
don't straighten out, I'm going to come to your house and stuff your pets
into the microwave...

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Well, this is an impressively fucked-up situation.

When I had snuck my way into this house, I had been expecting a lot of
things. Finding Scully tied to a bed is not too much of a surprise.

Seeing something crawl under her skin...now that's a surprise. This woman
actually has a living thing in...

Knock it off, John. Be dumbfounded later. Your partner has the right idea.
Get her the hell out of here. It's too far to my car, though.

She's telling me that there's a bus hidden away in the barn. Let's try that.

Now we're in the bus. I had to carry Scully here and she looks almost dead,
but I'm working with the ignition.  Should be no problem. I've done this a
few times, haven't I? Never did it to a bus before. That would have been a
real half-assed teenage stunt to pull, wouldn't it?

Oh, shit, Scully is screaming now. She's...

She wants to me do what?

Okay.

Okay.

I'm cool, I'm frosty, I'm a snowball in hell. I can do this. Remember the
time you stuck your hand into somebody's chest to stop the bleeding? This
shouldn't be any worse.

I was wrong. This is worse.

But I have to do this.

I'm...cutting into her. She howls, but she keeps still. Good soldier. Now I
have to...

Here they come. Heaven's Retards. I close the door to the bus, but it won't
take them long to break through the windows. They're hammering on the glass.

I have to do this now.

Open the incision.

Something sticks its nose at me.

I grab onto it and pull, pull the goddamn, cum-sucking, shoe-sniffing,
uncle-fucking monstrosity out of Scully's neck, I'm holding it now, it
squirms in my hands, it twitches its feelers at me, the only thing I can
think of doing is throw it away, then blow it to hell...

The mob has broken into the bus. I spin around, ready to shoot it out with
the old man holding the gun, knowing that I don't have enough bullets for
everyone.

But they're not doing anything. They just stare at that big dead worm,
looking like children who have been  banned from Disneyworld.

I don't understand thing one about any of this. I only know that they aren't
doing anything to stop me as I pick up Scully and carry her away.

The police are coming. It's okay, Scully. Your ass is safe.

Safe for a good chewing out.

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Doggett is mad at me.

So am I.

Maybe I should have attempted to walk my way through the desert. However, at
the time, that seemed at least as hazardous as staying in that creepy
village.

Never, ever hand your gun over to a stranger, I can hear my Quantico
instructor say. Let me respond that I honestly believed the man was on my
side. Why wouldn't he have been?

However, I can make no excuses for trying to do this solo. I should have had
Doggett with me at the time. I can trust him that much. He's right to be
pissed.

That's nothing compared to how pissed Skinner is going to be, though. He's
going to want to know what I'm doing out in the middle of the desert,
unprotected, with a...

God, it was in me. It was in my body with my child. The doctors haven't
found anything wrong, but how can I be sure of anything? What guarantees can
I make for my baby, my little miracle? I've been given something so
precious, but I risk my health by going up against alien bounty hunters,
manbats, and cults who worship parasites.

I should walk away from the regular casework of the X-Files. Go back to the
shit detail. Do something safe and deskbound.

If I abandon the X-Files, though, there will be no one to protect it.
Doggett is proving himself to be a decent person, but the X-Files mean
nothing to him.

What it comes down to is this -- what's most important to me?

I don't know. A few years ago, I wanted to leave the FBI in order to raise a
child. Now I have a new child, and I can't bring myself to walk away from
the work.

Back then, I was so grateful to be alive. I wanted to take advantage of what
I almost missed. Yet, here I am, still walking into one dangerous situation
after another. I've grown accustomed to it, just as I've grown accustomed to
relying on luck to save me.

However, there are only so many miracles allotted to us. Each person has a
limited supply of snowballs in hell. Once you run out, you have only one
choice to make.

Leave or get burned.

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