To Want But Cant Have - Part 3 (I can have whatever i want) LiveInTheLight x She's never seen that look before, it scared the hell out of her. "What the hell is going on here!" Mulder spoke through clenched teeth as he shut the door behind him. Scully straightened herself out and looked at john, as ever his looks gave nothing away, he didnt seem regretful, but the way he folded his arms made him look almost pissed off that they had been interupted, he wasnt going to explain anything, so she would have to but what the hell could she explain, she wasnt even sure herself. "How long have you been seeing each other!" She thought she might as well tell it to him straight, there was no beating around the bush here, he knew what had been going on. "two days" Damn she sounded like a child that had just been caught smoking by her father and mulder wasnt her father and she was old enough not to have to explain herself. "Two days! two god damned days and your already at it in your office! how the hell did this happen! have you been planning to see each other huh! did you plan this before we left" "No" Doggett finally spoke up "Am i talking to you!" Mulders tone was getting more agressive "No you wernt but this involves me aswell and i dont like you talking to Dana like she was a kid!" he unfolded his arms and shifted his body ever so slighty infront of scullys, he was still protecting her. "ill speak to her how i want" he turned to scully again "How could you do this! we made a promise!" "it was an accident, we met by accident we didnt plan anything, johns niece became a patient of mine whilst she was in his care" Mulder sneered "Oh really......another kid that you couldnt take care of huh! Doggett!" "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY" Doggett went for him but scully stood between them "STOP THIS! it wont solve anything, john i think you should go" "WHAT! im not leaving you with him!" "Please! i'll call you later or something, i need to talk to him i need to explain" Doggett walked her to the back of the room "Listen you dont have to explain anything to him, we havent done anything wrong" "I have! i broke his trust, i went behind his back" Doggett took hold of her arms "And your telling me he doesnt do the same to you!" Doggett was right! her head was all over the place as well as her feelings she just needed to get things out in the open with mulder, maybe then she could think of what was to be done. "John i need to.......i owe him...." Doggett dropped his arms "You know what, you owe him nothing and until you realise that...dont call me!" He pushed his way past mulder and left. Heading back to his car, he felt like he wanted to explode he was so angry, at himself at mulder but mostly at scully. she had done it to him again, made him defensless against her and then pushed him away, for the sake of mulder! He made up his mind, this time he would decide what was what and in the morning he would leave. he knew for a fact that leaving scully with mulder for a second, she would be eating out of his hand again in no time, that was the thing with her, it seemed like her only weakness, well apart from what he had just witnessed, if ever he knew he could make dana scully moan from one touch he would have done it years ago. he shook the last few minutes of memory out of his head, he wouldt see her again he knew it, Mulder would already be explaining what she should pack and where they should head to next and she would be agreeing to every single thing. it broke his heart to think of her like that, for gods sake he loved the woman he always had done. but he wasnt going to let her make him feel the way he did the night her and mulder left. "Hey what took you so long" Seeing sarahs bright smile made him feel happier, at least she was safe now. "Just tying up some loose ends, you ready to go" "Yeah, oh did you thank Dr Scully for me i didnt see her" "Yeah..........yeah i thanked her" and with that he got into th car and drove away, looking back once more through his rear view mirror. .................................................................................. 2 hours had passed, Mulder sat at danas desk with his head burried in his hands, she stood at the window and stared at the empty space where Doggetts car had been parked. Scully had told him everything, how they met where they went to talk, what nearly happend between them yesterday and what had just happened between them now. she also told him how hard it had been for her, she had asked John not to see her again but both their feelings for each other had been just too strong. "When we left......" Mulder finally spoke "Did you love him then?" Scully kept her gaze out into the carpark and sighed "Yes.......i think i did" "Then........why? why did you come with me, why didnt you stay with him, he could have protected you, why all this now" Scully turned and looked at the confused figure at her desk "I was scared" Mulder stood "Scared of what" "Loosing you" Dana looked back out through the window as tears filled her eyes "Your my best friend Mulder, you mean the world to me, how could i leave you like that" She felt warm hands at her shoulders and she turned into them "I wish you would have told me......how you felt and i wish you would have told me he was here and that you where seeing him" "Oh mulder it all happend so fast, i didnt know what to tell myself.........ive never felt like this before......when i saw John again that day all these hidden feelings just......just came at me i didnt know what had hit me. at first i felt fear. but i thought i was fearing for my life for our lives and maybe i was a little but the real fear was of letting him go again, of loosing him and when he held me i felt so safe i felt for once mulder, i could be safe forever, i could finally let go of my past and be happy" Mulders face fell "You couldnt feel like that with me" "I did Mulder...........i did but you kept leaving me, you kept running away and searching for something better. oh mulder i know you loved me and i know you still do and i love you but its different now. i need to be held by someone who i believe will never leave me, who will never run away and you cant do that. i dont want you to do that........you wouldnt be true to yourself, youll be living a lie and thats been so hard for me i wouldnt wish it on anyone." Mulder knew everything she was saying was right, she was always right at these things, he tried to tell himself he could stop, he could stay and provide but he knew he couldnt and wouldnt, infact the reason he had come to see her today was to tell her he was leaving for a while. England, he was going to england to meet with an old family friend who had once worked with his father and the CSM, he was to be gone for weeks, months even and he knew he had to go. After he explained he half expected scully to roll her eyes and tell him it was a stupid lead and that if he went it was over for good, their friendship.......everything but she didnt. She just smiled at him and said..... "Mulder you go and do whatever it is you have to do to be happy" and the only right thing he say to answer with was... "And you go and do the same....." He kissed her forehead and left. Scully knew it would be maybe years before she saw him again and she was glad because it seemed however far apart they got the safer they both became. she felt a huge relief that she had finally stuck up for herself and managed to do things her way, there was just one more problem that needed solving. _____________________________________________________________ "Im gonna miss you uncle J!" Sarah ran and hugged Doggett as he finished lifting the remainder of his things into his trunk. "Gonna miss you to sport, just promise me youll be more careful" "I will" "Oh yes she will! as she's grounded for the next 20 years!" Doggetts cousin came out of the door way "Oh mom lighten up!" Sarah rolled her eyes and went to join her They waved Doggett off and he set of down the street. It was there turn to visit him next time so he knew he wouldnt be returning to canada any time soon, by that time, he thought, scully would have probably moved elsewhere and started a whole other new life. whatever....he wasnt going to see her again. ____________________________________________________________ Scully pounded the door impatiently. "Hello, is anybody home?" the door swang open "Dr scully, what are you doing here? come in.......mom this is Dr scully, she treated me at the hospital" "Oh my god is everything ok?" Scully eased her worries with a smile "Everythings fine, acctually i havent come for Sarah, i was wondering if i could speak to John, its very urgent" "Oh he's not here" "Oh ok do you mind if i wait for him?" Sarah bit her lip "Erm i think you'll be waiting a long time, Uncle J left about half an hour ago, he gone back to America" Scullys heart lept into her throat, her stomach churned with anxeity, she dropped her head to hide her sudden tears "Oh.....im sorry i bothered you..........ill....ill leave" Sarah finally clicked "Scully.......Scully...where...........OH MY GOD! your agent scully!!!" "No not any more" Scully tried to regain herself "No but you were, my god, my uncle used to tell me all the stories! you know of what you'd get up to on cases.........thats why you where so weird with each other!" "Look im sorry i gotta go" Scully bolted from the house as fast as she could she was to wrapped up in her emotions to hear Sarah yelling after her car and waving her wallet in the air. She just wanted to get home. "Mom she left her wallett!" "Thats ok sweetie, get the address from the inside and we'll return it" "No........Uncle J will!" sarah ran to the phone "Uncle J.....555-71....." "Hunni he's on the way to the airport!" Sarah held the ringing phone to her ear, "Mom dont you get it! she's in love with him! didnt you see the look in her eyes! its the same look i saw in uncle J when he left the hospital, we need to get them back together! ____________________________________________________________ Scully couldnt sleep, it was a hot hot night! she threw the bed covers to one side and gazed at the light reflecting on her ceiling from her open window. she watched the shadows of the trees out side dance together and she thought about john. The tears came again. Scully burried her face in her pillow, the pillow she longed to be johns shoulder, johns body, she inhaled and exhaled a desperate sigh, a sigh followed by the sound of footsteps comming from across the room. She jumped instantly pulling the covers to her chin and searching the dark for answers. she wanted to reach for her gun, her phone anything! but she was frozen as the tall familiar figure emerged from near her window. At last she felt at ease, her blood rushed back to her heart and her head and she felt a dizzy sort of excitement overcome her. no words where needed as the figure slowly pulled back her bedcovers and crawled his way from the foot of her bed to a hoverring position over her quivvering body. She couldnt help but wonder how he had found her place, until he placed her wallet on the night stand beside her "You dropped this" His voice was low and seductive, she was pinned to her bed beneath him, her wrists now above her head in his grasp as he positioned his himself between her legs. She let out another moan as he nuzzled his face onto her abdomen and kissed the soft silk of her nightie that was the only thing separating her skin from his. His kisses travelled up to her chest, across her collar bone and onto her neck. Scully writhed beneath him, her pelvis grinding into his begging for more. "Kiss me" He didnt need to be asked twice, his lips found hers in an instant. Doggett freed her wrists and allowed her to make a start on removing him of his clothes. Their kisses grew deeper, as they made slow, passionate love, scully had never felt so wanted, so womanly she trailed her fingernails along the length of his back down to his ass forcing him deeper inside of her. Almost 2 hours had past and they came loudly together for the third and final time. They held and kissed each other until the sun came up, Scully had never felt so connected with someone as she did now with John, she held onto him night, just to make sure she hadnt dreamt the whole night, just to make sure he could leave her. And he promised he wouldn't. "What about your job" Scully gently ran her fingers through his hair "I'd say this was a deffinite transfer, wouldnt you" She smiled "John?" "Yeah" their voices equally overcome with fatigue "I think ive fallen in love with you" "Dana?" "Yeah" "I love you too" the end x