When Monica Died.
By: LiveInTheGreenLight 
 
My take on Scullys P.O.V during season 9 "Audrey Pauley" 
 
 
 
 
 
"Its true John, She's gone..." 
 
"No....I dont except that..." 
 
He left me with her. I placed her medical chart back in its holder and stared at it. I was 
too afraid to look up, to look at her poor, beautiful, lifeless face. I was too ashamed.  
monica, monica, monica. my friend, my confidant and now, so selfishly my apponent.  
My apponent over a game of who held John Doggetts heart and who held just his hand. It 
was selfish! awful even! I dissapionted myself, hated myself for thinking that way about 
her, especially now but I couldnt help it! I would if i could but seeing him sit there with 
his head in his hands, spilling tears for her, never wanting to let go of her, wanting, 
willing, praying for her life so that he could maybe hold her, touch her, kiss her even, one 
more time...It hurt me. It was jealousy...jealousy in the most selfish of ways! 
At first I told myself it was just wishful thinking, that a man, oneday would feel that 
strongly about me but then i realised i'd already had that, with mulder, and i realised the 
feeling did not compare. It was him, John Doggett. I wanted him to want me so bad it 
hurt. I wanted him to cry on my shoulder, to hold me as he mourned the loss of his...our 
friend. As I watched him sit beside her, holding his lips to her still hand i fantasised about 
him comming to me in the night, tears in his eyes, wanting, needing nothing but me. 
Taking me, kissing me, making love to me... 
 
I caught him later that evening, he sat alone again, worrying into his hands. I sat beside 
him. I wanted so bad to put my arms about him, hold his face to mine, kiss him until 
daybreak or at least until the tears stopped falling. 
It seemed like only yesterday when it had been him laying in the hospital bed. He had 
only been trying to protect me and my son.  
Hit and run...coma.  
seems like only hours ago I was at his bedside, kissing his hand the way he did with hers 
now. Crying for him. Willing him to come back to me... 
 
I placed my hand on his back, it was the only thing i allowed myself to do. 
 
"The guy who hit her had 16....dont do this to yourself John" 
 
He couldnt look at me....or wouldnt. He left me again and went to her bedside. stab of 
jealousy hit me again! it made me angry! not at her or at him but at myself. This poor, 
defensless, heart of gold woman was dying or...dead...in a way. How could i be thinking 
of myself. Ha, i wasnt even thinking about myself...all i thought about was him. 
 
It got too late. It was time. I found him still with her. 
 
"Tell me your argument and I will gladly go out there and make them wait" 
 
"I need more time..." 
 
"Tell me...that you can prove she is or will show any signs of life..." 
 
"...John..." 
 
We froze...we looked...I saw.  
 
Monicas eyes flickered open, her tongue wet her dry, flaking lips. "...Audrey..." 
 
"Audrey..." he replied 
 
My friend, my wondeful, happy, beautiful friend had come back to us had come back to 
life...me...I just died inside. 
 
End. 
 
What u think? x 
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