Title: You are my strength
Author: lonegungrrly
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Patience, Per manum, Invocation.
Feedback: Yes please!!!!  Give writers the inspiration to keep the x 
files alive!  Feedback to: lonegungrrly@hotmail.com

Summary: “... Because I know what it’s like to lose someone you love.
And if there’s a chance of getting that person back... Then that’s 
worth fighting for.I never had that chance. But maybe you do”

Archive: anywhere, just let me know first- lonegungrrly@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: do we even have to bother with these now the x files is 
over? 

The characters aren't mine, yadda yadda. :)

Note: -------------- = a passage of time, and sometimes scene

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was a late Friday afternoon.  Agents Doggett and Scully had just clocked off 
for the dayand were heading to the car park.  The sky was already dark red, and 
most of the evening had gone.

Not that it made much difference to Scully.  The end of work signalled the 
beginning of a lonely nightand restless sleep.  Mulder had been missing for two 
months now, and her hope and determination wasquickly turning into deep 
depression.  What will she tell his unborn child if they never find him? What 
will she tell herself?

Thankfully, she hadn’t started showing yet, so her pregnancy was still a secret, a 
very well keptsecret, especially from her partner.

The past week hadn’t been spent looking for Mulder, but for an angry human 
bat.

Or a bat- like human... Which ever way you looked at it, it still made no 
sense.  Agent Doggett hadreally surprised her during this investigation.  He took 
leaps that were obviously against his grain,but in the end it helped to solve 
another mystery. She looked at him as they walked to their car; why did he make 
these leaps?  Was it in an effort to keep an open mind? Or did he do it for her? 
She was suddenly curious.

“So how was your first real case on the x files?” He looked at her casually and 
replied“I survived didn’t I?”  Scully looked him over; he was bruised and 
bloodied from the attack. “Well... Barely.”

Scully smiled and said  “well, all things considered, you’re doing fine.  I 
remember when I was first assigned to the x files,  I found it impossible to 
believe our findings.”  They reached the car and got in. They sat in silence for a 
moment.

“Nah, I’m not so sure I’m cut out for this job”  Doggett said, more than 
half serious.  He stared forward,waiting for a reaction.  When there was no reply 
for some time he turned and looked at her. “don’t get me wrong agent Scully.  I 
will find Mulder. I promised and I will find him. But all this other mumbo 
jumbo... I just don’t think I’m helping”  

Scully took a breath and said “It’s hard, Agent Doggett. It’s against
everything you believe in.  But keeping an open mind is what it takes 
to find Mulder.  That’s what I believe.” She looked at him, silently willing him 
to try, and silently chastising herself for wanting him to try.

“If that’s what it takes for me to find him, then that’s what I’ll do.  What 
I’ll try to do”  

Scully let out a small laugh before she could stop herself.  This earned a 
questioning look, so she explained, “You’re the second most determined man 
I’ve ever met.  We’re looking for the first.” She then looked at him seriously   
“why are you so determined to find Mulder? Why this crusade?”

“... Because I know what it’s like to lose someone you love.  And if 
there’s a chance of getting that person back... Then that’s worth fighting for.  I 
never had that chance. But maybe you do”

She looked at him, shocked, as he started the car. His eyes told her 
that he had said the truth. She was touched by his honesty and will. She thought 
of asking him about his own loss, but his serious, hard eyes also told her that he 
wasn’t ready to open up yet.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was cold.  She was alone and upset for another Friday night.  She 
got up, her back aching from her heavy pregnancy, to go to the kitchen, when 
the door bell rang.  Inside there was a deep sense of surprise.  Since
when did having a visitor on a Friday night become so alien?  She went 
to the door and opened it. What she saw there made her breath catch in her 
throat and her eyes widen. It was Mulder.

There he stood, as large as life, as though nothing had changed. He 
came in to her apartment silently, Scully was too shocked to talk.  The door 
closed behind him.  She fell into his arms, and everything was right again,
everything was how it was meant to be. Except it wasn’t.

His body was cold, and hard.  She looked up at Mulder’s face, now 
scared as well as shocked. He opened his mouth to say something.  She willed 
him to say something. Anything.  But instead of words, dirt and grit fell from his 
open mouth.  He fell towards her with all his weight and suddenly they were 
both on the soiled floor.

Scully opened her mouth to scream a heart wrenching, frenzied scream, 
but nothing came out. She pushed at the body with all her strength, and Mulder 
rolled limp onto the carpet next to her.

Except it wasn’t Mulder.

The body lying cold, and limp on her apartment floor was agent Doggett.
This time when she opened her mouth, her screams, along with her tears, 
flooded the room.

She screamed until she could no longer breathe, until she thought she was going 
to die herself. And all the while, going through her head was:  what is there to 
live for now?  What is there to live for now anyway?

She sat bolt upright in bed. She was covered in sweat, and her throat hurt 
from screaming, she had actually screamed aloud.  Her heart racing, she felt her 
stomach, still small.  What did that dream mean?  The only thing she knew was 
that she needed to speak to her partner. She leaned over to get the phone, the 
clock said three thirty in the morning, but this couldn’t wait.  She dialled his
home number from memory. When had she learnt that anyway?  But now 
wasn’t the time for such questions.

On three beeps he answered.  His voice was clogged with sleep and she 
imagined him rubbing his eyes to keep them open.  “Hello?”

“Agent Doggett?”

He breathed in sharply “Agent Scully.  What’s wrong?”

Now that she had calmed down a little, now she could hear his voice, 
she filled with embarrassment. Feeling stupid, she asked  “are you OK?”  What 
is there to live for now anyway?  This thought brought back the fear from her 
nightmare.

“Me? I’m fine agent Scully... You phoned me, remember?” He paused, and 
stifled a yawn, unsure of how to continue.  His brain was still foggy from sleep. 
“Agent Scully?”

Knowing she wouldn’t sleep for the rest of the night,  she took a deep 
breath and said  “I had this dream. I feel stupid phoning you now, but I had a 
terrible dream.  I just had to know that you were OK... Look, I’m sorry I phoned. 
It’s so late-”

“What happened in your dream?”  He asked seriously. He could hear her 
voice wavering as she spoke. She was obviously shook up.

“It was nothing, really, I’m-”

“Nothing made you phone me? That must be a whole lot of nothing.  Do 
you want me to come over?”

She couldn’t reply.  She couldn’t lie and say ‘no’ but didn’t have the 
guts to say ‘yes.’  So she said nothing.

“Agent Scully?”  He said again. Then he realised. She was too proud to 
ask. “I’ll see you in 15 minutes.”

He hung up and got dressed.  He was concerned for her, but there was a 
deeper motive for this: This was the first time she had ever came to him for help. 
And how could he let her down?

He knocked on the door lightly, because of the late hour.  She answered, 
still dressed in her night clothes, and led him to the living room.  The TV was on 
in the background, and the only other light came from a lamp in the corner of 
the room.  They sat down together.

“So tell me about the dream”

And she did.  She kept her voice calm and detached, as always. Agent 
Doggett listened thoroughly, only reacting at the end, when the dead body 
turned out to be him. They stayed silent for a beat. Then Scully said
“what do you think it means?”

“I have no idea.” Doggett replied simply.

“Do you think it means that... Mulder is dead?”  

Doggett considered this then replied “No.  I don’t think it means anything.  As 
horrifying as it was, and believe me, I know all about horrifying dreams.”

They both thought back to less than a month ago, when Doggett had had 
those terrible dreams about killing himself. Killing himself to save Scully. Of 
course he’d never tell her that though.

They shared a knowing look and he continued

“as horrifying as it was... It was just a dream. You’ve been under a lot of 
stress lately, and it has affected every part of your life. Even your 
subconscious.”  

Scully had to smile.  He reminded her so much of herself. She replied,  “spoken 
like a true sceptic.  Though, I happen to agree this time.”

She yawned, stretching her arms over her head. “Thank you for coming over.  
I just needed someone to talk to. Someone to tell me I’m not crazy.”

“I’ll save calling you crazy for Monday.  You tired?”  Scully looked at 
the clock. 4:15 AM  she was tired. Of course she’d never tell him that though. 
“I’m not sure I want to sleep. I’m not so tired anymore anyway.”

Doggett sat straight again and patted his knees.  “Well, even if you ain’t 
gonna sleep...”  He said with a half smile  “ I still think you should rest.”  Scully 
couldn’t argue at that, and if it wasn’t gone four in the morning -no one thinks 
straight at four in the morning - she would have politely declined.  She didn’t let 
people get close to her anymore. Physically or emotionally.

But to her surprise as well as Doggett’s, she lay down on the couch, laying 
her head on Doggett’s lap. Outwardly she seemed sleepy, but inside she was 
alive. She felt spontaneous, adventurous.

Her heart skipped a beat when her head touched his tight, Jean clad 
thighs.  She got herself comfortable,and said  “talk to me Agent Doggett.”  she 
smiled inwardly at the formal name when they were in such an informal 
situation.

“what about?”  Scully needed to ask about his loss. But was it the right 
time?  “Can I choose anything?”

She breathed in quickly when Doggett’s hand casually began stroking her 
hair.  He replied “anything.”

“Then tell me who you lost. And how you know me so well”  
His hand stopped moving for a moment, while he contemplated the question.  It 
had made him uncomfortable, just like it would have made her uncomfortable.  
But unlike her, he opened up.

“...I lost my son when he was a little boy.  His name was Luke, and he 
was abducted from our own neighbourhood.  We searched for days until we 
found him. Face down in a field.”   

The actual words meant nothing now; it was like reading a script.  He had had to 
tell that to so many people over the years.

Scully lay there completely shocked. That was the furthest answer from her 
mind.  She suddenly felt guilty for bringing up such a painful memory.  She 
brought her hand to her mouth, then let it rest on his knee. It was the only form 
of comfort she could think of.

“I’m sorry.” She said simply.  His hand started stroking her hair again as a 
reply.

“You asked me why is it I know you so well?  I think it’s because we’ve both 
been through so much, and when I see you at work being so strong, it helps me. 
I see myself in you.”

Scully felt her eyes becoming heavier, and eventually she gave in. She fell into a 
peaceful sleep. For the first time in what seemed like an age, Mulder wasn’t 
there when she closed her eyes; he wasn’t the voice lulling her into a restless 
sleep, for the first night she forgot about Mulder and the pain in her life. She fell 
asleep to the soft stroking of her hair.  Doggett continued, unknowing.

“I respect you so much, you know.  You’re the strongest person I’ve ever 
met.”

He looked down at her small frame with a smile, feeling suddenly confident,  
and whispered  “how do you do it? How do you get through, and still look so 
beautiful.” He looked down then, at her closed lids, and could hear her soft 
relaxed breaths.  Maybe it was better that she didn’t hear that, he thought in 
retrospect.  He turned the TV off with the remote nearby,  placed his hand
on Scully’s back and thought for a while.  His neck would hurt like hell in 
the morning, but so what? After all what kind of partner would he be if he woke 
Scully now.

Eventually he fell to sleep, with the mantra of ‘don’t fall for her don’t fall for 
her’ running round his head.  

But in his heart he knew it was already too late.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next night, at home Scully wrote in her Journal.  She wrote:

I think I’m falling in love with him.  I don’t want to, and it hurts me to say this 
but I am falling for him. Why now, of all times?  How can I tell him about my 
baby, when it’s another man’s child. God,  I miss Mulder. I wish he were here to 
sort out my feelings. Maybe if I got them both in the same room my heart would 
tell me which it wants.  It hurts so much.  Because these feelings mean that my 
years of loving Mulder were a lie. How can you love two people at the same 
time? Until now I never thought it possible. What about my Mom? What will 
she think of me? First I’m not in a relationship, let alone married, pregnant,
and now I want another man.  Do I? Maybe it’s just my hormones. I’m 
vulnerable, that’s all. That’s how I kid myself when he’s not around, like now,
but when I see him everything just feels right. He takes my pain away. And how 
can I go and give him pain by telling him the truth. He doesn’t deserve it.
But he does deserve the truth.

She looked back over her entry, ripped it out and burnt it on her fire.  
All entries about her unborn child ended up this way; to keep her secret as long 
as possible.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By day she was a woman in love.  By night she was tormented and guilty.  
And so it went for almost a month. She’d go to work, blush at his slightest 
move, forget every bad thing in her life that made her restless night before.

One time, when she was having computer troubles, he leaned over her to 
try and fix it.  She inhaled his scent as deeply as possible, committing it to 
memory.  Both looked at the screen, and didn’t realise that both their
hands were heading for the mouse.  Doggett’s hand landed on top of 
hers. She felt ashamed of her blushing face.

Another time, Doggett left the office for the elevator.  Scully realised a 
moment later that she needed to go the same direction.  He held the elevator 
open for her and she brushed past him at such a close proximity that they stared 
at each other until the doors opened again and neither had pressed a button.

 However, at night, her life was hell.  She could hardly look at herself in 
the mirror, knowing that Mulder’s child was inside her.  What a betrayal.  How 
could she be having these thoughts when Mulder was out there somewhere.  
And for that reason, her search for Mulder never ended.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Night time again, and this time it was bad. The rain was pouring and she’d 
had that dream again, only this time Doggett didn’t die at the end. It was exactly 
the same until Mulder was lying dead on the floor next to her. Only this time, 
instead of seeing Doggett dead,  Doggett’s body rose from Mulder’s dead body.
Doggett was live and well.

And when she thought ‘what is there to live for now anyway?’ -a common 
phrase in her nightmares- Doggett rose and said “live for me.  Live for us.  
Don’t live your life waiting for death to return.”

Then he pointed at Mulder’s corpse.  No screams this time. It was more of an 
inner pain. She didn’t need anyone to tell her what this dream meant; that was 
obvious enough.

An hour later she found herself outside Doggett’s house.  She ran to his 
house and knocked on the door, from that short journey she was soaked; she had 
left her night clothes on.

He opened the door, rubbing his eyes just like the way she imagined he would.  
When she saw him standing at the door, a current of emotion washed through 
her.  The pain of the truly forbidden and the pain of knowing that the only thing 
stopping her from being happy was herself.  She was her own enemy.  She was a 
mess.

  Once she was inside, and the rain kept on pouring down her cheeks, she 
realised that she was crying. He held her and asked what was wrong.  Was it the 
dreams? Was it Mulder?  

“Tell me.”  He pleaded gently.

He rushed to get her a towel and clean clothes.  He came back with a towel,  
an old shirt and some jogging bottoms. He wrapped the towel around her 
shoulders and held her tight.  

“What’s wrong?  Let me in Dana”

Dana.  It had been so long since a man had said that.  It calmed her.  She 
looked up into Doggett’s eyes and she wanted to tell him everything that she had 
kept inside.  Her new dream, her feelings, her journal that she always destroyed, 
her own inner torture, everything.  Everything but her pregnancy. She opened 
her mouth to speak but her mind was blank.  Suddenly everything became clear.  
She wanted him. She needed to prove to herself that there was still love in her 
heart.

“Dana, what’s wro-”

“Kiss me”

“What?”  He replied, shocked.

“Kiss me.  Help me remember myself”

He thought of everything in a split second.  She was upset, vulnerable, 
missing Mulder. Then in that split second came the most important point- he 
couldn’t stop himself even if he tried. His lust flamed as their lips met.  Not 
romantic, but passionate, needy.  As though the world would end if they 
stopped.

Scully pulled at his hair, grabbed at his back and sobbed silently as they 
kissed.  Inside she remembered herself.  She remembered her life before Mulder 
and the x files.  She remembered lust and love.  The wall that had kept in all this 
emotion was breaking inside her now.

That night, as she lay in John’s arms, warm and whole, she sobbed again.  
How could something so completely wrong for her- a betrayal of her only 
friend, a betrayal of the life inside of her- how could something so wrong feel so 
right?  She looked at the sleeping man beside her, and she no longer believed
in wrong or right.  She believed in John Doggett.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once Scully had given in to temptation, their love affair was unstoppable. 
Her constant guilt never truly went away, but it lessened.  They remained close 
and completely in love.  Though it was no love she had ever felt before.  It was 
dangerous, it was intoxicating and it meant everything to her.  They spent every
night together in any way they wanted.  She felt free for the first time in eight 
years.

Looking back now, she thought,  how did I not predict us falling?  Nothing 
so perfect could last. Once wrong; always wrong.  Once forbidden; always 
forsaken.

The fall came as a terrible shock to John. During a case, Scully was admitted 
into hospital. While he was waiting for her to wake up, the doctor gave him the 
news:

“How is she Doctor?”

“Are you friend, family or work colleague? We’ve had a lot of visitors for 
miss Scully”

“All of the above.  Could you please tell me how she is?”

She looked at her notes, then back up to Agent Doggett.  She replied “She’s fine, 
her baby’s fine. And she should be out of here by this afternoon” she nodded, 
and started walking away.

“Woow. Back it up there. Are you sure you’re reading me Dana Scully’s notes? 
Dana. Scully. Because I’m not aware of any pregnancy.” She checked.

“I read you the right notes, Sir.  I did the examinations myself.”

Excitement welled in his stomach.  Was he going to be a father again? Then 
another possibility occurred to him. “How many weeks pregnant is she?”

“Weeks?  Sir she is three and a half months pregnant” she nodded again and 
made a quick exit.

Doggett leaned against the nearest wall.  He felt as though some one had 
punched him in the gut. Not because of the baby: because she didn’t tell him.  
Anger boiled inside him and for a moment he lost his sense of self in the world.  
He had Mulder’s job, Mulder’s parking space, Mulder’s partner, and now 
Mulder’s baby? There would be no room for John Doggett if Fox Mulder 
ever returned.

Numb, he entered her room and waited for her to wake up.

“Agent Doggett?”

“Agent Scully” he emphasised.  He wanted this conversation to be as impersonal 
as possible.  He needed the detachment that second names gave.

The conversation was a blur.  He stated, “you’re fine... Your baby’s fine.” 

He looked her in the eyes, disappointed.  She let out a gasp, and took a second to 
calm herself. Her secret was out.  He suddenly found it hard to look her in the 
eye.  “...at least your OK” he muttered under his breath.

He summoned his courage, looked up and asked her the question that had almost 
broken his heart: "why didn’t you tell me?”  It came out a lot calmer than he had 
thought, and looking down at Dana, watery eyed and vulnerable, maybe it was 
for the best.

She looked up as she replied, she couldn’t bare to see the pain in his eyes.   She 
said, “I was afraid. Afraid that they’d use it against me.  To take me off the x 
files so that I couldn’t find Mulder.” She broke down silently; all his anger 
melted away at that moment.  He was hurt, yes, but he was no longer angry.

He was looking down at a woman who thought she had now lost everything.  
He looked deep into her eyes, placed a hand on her shoulder and whispered  “I 
told you I’d help you.  I said we’d find him.” They stared at each other, and as 
his hand ran down her arm before he left, Scully breathed in deeply.  What a 
mess, she thought. What a mess.

Still tingling because of Doggett’s small gesture, she thought back to Mulder.  
He had never given her that tingling sensation, he had never really made her 
happy.  And looking back now she realised that she had never loved Mulder as 
much as John Doggett.  But then she thought of the baby.  The baby came from
Mulder, and as she touched her stomach she realised what she must do.

Who am I kidding? She thought.  I should be thinking about my baby, not 
myself.  Imagine if-  ...imagine when Mulder comes back,  and I’m with John.  
The baby will be so confused, and so will I.  What if I fall for Mulder again?
No.  The baby deserves to grow up with his or her father.  Just like I did. 
She thought. But could she pretend that nothing had ever happened with John?  
It would kill her.  But for her baby, she would have to.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

John came to pick her up when she was released from hospital.  Ever since he 
had found out about the pregnancy, everything seemed to be making sense.  
That’s where she was all those times that he covered for her. And Skinner knew 
about it, he was sure about that.  But why hadn’t she told him?  Of course the 
strain of a baby in such a short relationship would be hard;  but this was Scully.  
Doggett and Scully.  Who go through so much pain and still survive;  surely if 
any relationship could survive this it would be them. Together.

But what if it’s not me she wants? He thought suddenly.  It’s pretty obvious 
that the father is Mulder, and what if she is looking for him to start a family with 
him.  What if I’ve just been keeping her sane until he returns? That didn’t bare 
thinking about.  They needed to talk this out more.

He drove her home and they sat down together.  So many big moments of 
their relationship happened sat like this; from that first night when Scully had a 
bad dream, to their first kiss at Doggett’s home.  He wanted this conversation to 
be a big moment, and also a positive one.  He loved her so much.  He’d never 
felt this way about anyone.  He’d been in love -he’d been married- but that love 
was more mundane.  He would do anything it took for this to work, and if that 
meant raising Mulder’s child, he would.  It’s not a perfect outcome, but the baby 
was still Dana Scully’s flesh and blood, and so he loved it already.

They sat in silence for a moment, not sure how to begin.  Lets make this quick, 
Scully thought. Her heart was racing, and her head was spinning.  Was she 
really going to break up with the only man she had ever truly loved? 

She had to.  She owed it to Mulder’s memory and she owed it to Mulder’s 
child.  She had to give Mulder, the baby and herself a fair chance.  She would 
regret it for the rest of her life if she didn’t. She’d always be thinking: what if?

Doggett began to speak first.“Dana...”  He was going to tell her his heart; he 
wanted to love this baby as his own and he wanted to be with her for the rest of 
his life. “Dana,  I wa-”

“Don’t say anything John. There’s something I need to tell you first.”  

Already her eyes were watering and her hands were shaking. She willed herself 
to continue.

“First of all, I’m sorry for not letting you in.  It was the worst mistake I've ever 
made.  But now I think I’m going to make an even bigger one...  This has to end, 
John”

He looked at her, shocked, winded, unable to speak. All he could do was shake 
his head slowly in protest. Scully was crying now.

“It has to end... It has to because of my baby.  I can’t just carry on with 
my life pretending that Mulder is dead. I owe him more than that.” -She let out a 
small sob and continued- “I owe it to this life inside of me.  He, or she deserves 
to be brought up by a mother and a father, like I was”

It all slowly sunk in.  His eyes filled with tears and his voice wavered as he 
replied  “you’re right.”  He breathed in “you’re right.  It is a mistake.  Even 
bigger than you not telling me about your baby. What if Mulder never comes 
back? What about your baby then?”

“Don’t, John. I’ve made up my mind.  It’s the right thing to do for my baby”

“What about the right thing for you? Does that not matter to you?”

“John, please.” She was crying hard now and tears were running down her 
face.

“I love you Dana. I do. And I love your baby. We could be a family-”

“How can you love another man’s child? And what if Mulder returns?”

Doggett cried in frustration and pain.  He became frantic, angry, desperate. 
He stood up red faced “Can you deny it?!  Can you deny everything that’s 
happened between us?”

There was a pause, the tension in the room pressed against their skin.   
Scully stood up, heart broken and crazed.  She looked at him, crying openly “I 
can try.”

She walked to her bedroom and slammed the door.  Yet another closed door 
between them.

John sat back down, broken and hollow.  Everything he had ever wanted had 
just been ripped away from him. He buried his head in his hands and cried.

 
She could hear him through her bedroom door.  He hadn’t left and he was 
crying.   She cried too, she curled up into a small ball on her bed.  She thought 
back to her nightmare: What is there to live for now, anyway? She shivered. She 
was living for death now, just like Doggett had said in her dream.  Eventually 
she heard Doggett get up and leave. Every ounce of goodness in her heart left 
with him.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a week of pain and tears, she got the phone call.  Mulder was back.  
She rushed to the hospital to see him. She had begun showing now, she had a 
small rounded belly.  Absently, she wondered if he’d even notice.

Outside his room, she collected herself. There was so much she wanted to 
tell him and so much that she wanted to keep from him.  She thought back and 
tried to remember the love she felt for him. In comparison to recent events, it 
was nothing.  But she had to try for her baby.  Fall for him, fall for him, love 
him she told herself silently.  She took a deep breath and entered the room.

“Hey Scully! Long time no-”  he stopped dead when he saw her swollen 
stomach.  A look of fear entered his eyes.

Inside, Scully’s heart broke again.  There was an awkward moment.

“Did it work? You told me it didn’t work. But it has.”   Scully nodded 
slowly, biting back her tears. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“I’m a father.” He said to himself.  Shaking his head.

“Is that a good thing?” Scully asked, in a light tone.  The question 
was far from light though.

“...It’s just a lot to take in... A lot of responsibility.  God.”  He said still shaking 
his head in disbelief.

He looked at Scully finally, and saw the look of dismay on her face. He tried to 
reassure her:  “Scully, it’s OK. If you guy’s ever need anything, I’ll be right 
there.  You ever need a partner in your baby clubs, you can count on me.”

Scully looked to the floor.  Her mind was spinning.  Was this what she gave 
up the love of her life for? Oh my God, she thought.  What have I done?

She ran out of the room without saying goodbye, and headed straight for 
Doggett’s house. Please forgive me, please. She thought desperately.

She ran to his door and knocked frantically.  He opened the door and she 
pushed past him.

“God I'm so sorry, I've been such an id-”  she looked at him for the first 
time since that horrible night. How looked terrible. He was unshaven, pale and 
very thin.  His eyes were blood shot and red from crying.

She suddenly doubled over with guilt.  Ten times worse than the guilt she 
felt about Mulder.  She burst into tears.


“Is there any way you can forgive me?”  She pleaded.  He looked at her, hard 
and hurt.

“Why, what happened? Mulder give you the brush off so you thought you’d 
come back to me?”

And wasn’t that the truth? This made her cry even more. She tried to explain

“No, it’s not like that.  I never loved Mulder like I loved you.  I’ve never 
loved anyone like I love you.”

As much as he didn’t want to, he filled with hope.  Hadn’t he been dreaming 
of this moment for the past week?

“Why? Why do you want me back now?” He whispered, full of emotion.  

Scully took a deep breath, took his hand and replied:

“Because... For the first time in my life I know what it’s like to lose someone I 
love. And if there’s a chance of getting that back... Then that’s worth fighting 
for.”

Doggett looked at Scully, nodded slowly and broke down. They fell into each 
others arms.  This was Doggett; Doggett and Scully, and if anyone could survive 
this, then it was them.

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